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Abandon pornographic delusions…….

by on February 15, 2012

All ye who enter here

The title for this blog wasn’t my ditty………. it was something my husband spit out in a fit of laugher this morning as I was catching up with what he calls “my posse”.

I’m in a mood this morning…because the blog I left last night…was spurred by something my posse and I encountered and something we encounter often.

Men who want to use/bastardize the core substance of FemDom…..

“it’s all about the woman”

To get their BDSM kicks from a partner.

They are looking for ways to get the woman ( wife/girlfriend) in their life to help them live out their BDSM fetish fantasies.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to find a way to take a fantasy and make it reality. If you are going to dream, the hell yes, dream big.


Understand and grasp

Your dream is not going to look the same to the people you share it with….even if they have the same dream.

Since I hit the internet trying to find our “what” FemDom “is”…….

I have encountered far too many “B.A.D. guys”.

Build A Domme guys:

More often than not, the “dream” they have of BDSM is based on nights of hiding in another room with a lap top, jacking off while surfing FemDom/BDSM porn.

I can assure guys…your women are not stupid.

They know what you look at on the net. Add to that: Most all of you guys all telegraph your kinks wants, in many ways. You are not as subtle and covert as you think.

Chances are…..

She knows it, she just doesn’t understand it. She’s overwhelmed by the images and the overall hard edged tone that comes with most of the FemDom that is used on the internet. What other people are doing with their BDSM lives……is none of my business but there are things that still scare the bejesus out of me and I’ve pretty much seen it all. I remember the first time I ended up thru some masterful sleuthing and “back work” and clicking a BDSM site my husband was fond of.

I threw up before I made it to the bathroom…then I cried for a week.

I end up turning into a cyber-detective because of an email that showed up in our shared email.

That was a good four years before he started vocalizing his “want” for a D/s styled marriage.

I knew from the moment the words came out of his mouth….

What he wanted was more, harder, extreme BDSM play.

It took me another four years to get him to own that…and come clean about what he was up to when he asked for a “D/s fashioned Female Lead Relationship”.

Face it guys…at some point you get stupid when you get aroused while jacking off at the computer….. and forget to cover your tracks.

If you are one who is leaving “hints” via books, things on the net, sites open for her to accidentally find………

Get a damned clue already:

If she isn’t responding to the hints you are dropping…

then chances are …you have scared the holy hell out of her.

She knows you want her to change into something she can’t be…even if she tried…what you want is so far off the charts for her to understand, she’s going to end up with her heart crushed and her ego shattered, and possibly your ass hauled into divorce court with some attorney ready to clean your clock and make sure you walk away with nothing but the shorts you walked into the court room in.

To all you men who show up on sites looking for advice:

Here ya go:

Don’t show up on some internet site that is geared toward living a FemDom  lifestyle—SSC and RACK—and tell us your wife is a dominate women in her everyday life so you just know she’d make the perfect Mistress/Domme if she could just find a way to take her everyday personality and channel it into becoming a Domme…..and taking the control she is so worthy of so you can worship her the way you have always dreamed of.

You just know….

A FemDom-~Female Lead Relationship~ style would compliment her “natural dominate abilities…if she could just see it. Can someone please help you…help her help find her inner Domme? Can someone help you show her how to find her inner Domme?”


We see right thru you.

That’s code for:

“Hey quick…somebody tell me how I can get my wife/girlfriend to tie me up,

tape my balls to my chest then use a strap on…..on me…..

like I saw on the internet the other night.”

Here’s the REAL TIP here:

Abandon pornographic delusions……. all ye who enter here.

Consider reading here next:

  1. Thank you for this. My experiences have definitely been d/S so far, a man I thought a friend wanted to be “dominated” and I found the experience horrible, I was controlled into doing what I did not want to do. I will not do that again.


  2. Clare, you are more than welcome. I hope things are better for you now.
    We have to be able to trust our partner….no matter what role we have in the relationship.

    Trust and manipulation are essential tools in a D/s relationship; it enhances the connection between the couple. But it must be manipulation with informed consent, without informed consent, trust isn’t possible.
    It is very important to know the difference between right/good—-bad/wrong….forms of manipulation.

    And we have to trust our own “gut instinct”.
    If something feels wrong, it undoubtedly is.

    That means it is time for the D/s to go on hold……level the playing field between the players….. and figure out what it is that has one of the partners feeling manipulated in a manner that leaves them feeling loathing D/s, be it for self or for the partner…… instead of lusting for the thrill of D/s.


  3. writingthebody permalink

    This is a great and honest post from the woman’s side. And I must say I have made every mistake in the book…your book that is! This sort of manipulation does a lot of harm to women, I know….thanks again. (sorry for the delayed reaction – I was just going through some back posts to see really where the other post came from, if that makes sense)


  4. You always write such real and honest stuff. I love the way you tell it. You give a lot of good information to those that are looking. Saving some years of research. You should be proud of the work you do here and in your own life. 🙂


  5. Josh permalink

    Thank you,
    I started reading your blog and I have found it truly insightful. I have been through quite a few of your posts in no particular order and I see a lot of similarities to my relationship with my wife.

    I’m pretty sure I have been a B.A.D. guy. I want kink in my life but I can see that I may be hurting my wife’s feelings and damaging our relationship. My wife has been very accommodating to my needs in the past and I don’t think I have been as reciprocal as I should have been. I love my wife and I don’t want to be a B.A.D. guy.
    Do you have any advice or can you guide to any resources that can A) help me be a better submissive B) broach this subject with my wife in a way that allows me to apologize and not hurt her feelings?


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