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B.A.D. men don’t………

by on February 23, 2013

 

Like to talk about feelings.

(a/k/a: Lost in translation.)

 

If they aren’t getting some kind of arousal out of the conversation, if the end result pay off isn’t going to be their little head is going to be dealt with, they turn into turtles and go into their shell.

When it comes to kink and getting what they want, men tend to think from the crotch up.

Talking about feelings gets in the way of

grooming the woman to be the Domme.

Here’s the deal guys……

UNLESS you can learn how to “like it—and then do it from the heart not the gonads” you have NO RIGHT to expect her to learn to like OR DO what you want, you don’t even have the right to ASK!

If BDSM isn’t her thing, she isn’t going to be thinking with her crotch. Her thoughts will start in her brain and may never make it past her heart much less all the way to her crotch.

I would get so damned frustrated with my husband every time he brought the subject of BDSM and FemDom up because he didn’t want to hear me out.

He didn’t want to know how I felt about it all he wanted was to hear me say yes and then start feeding the kink beast in his soul.

Why didn’t he want to listen to me?

Why didn’t he want to hear me out?

Because my own feelings got in the way of him getting what he wanted the way he wanted. He didn’t want to hear WHY what he wanted wouldn’t work for me, if I couldn’t say what he wanted to hear then he didn’t want to hear it—AT ALL.

He was so hell-bent on getting everything HIS WAY that he didn’t hear me saying:

“I am willing to try but in order for this work for me, we have to do it this way.” Then I would attempt to lay out a platform that would build a foundation for both of getting something out of the lifestyle….but it fell on deaf ears because he didn’t want to talk about “feelings.”

Well……..maybe not deaf….. more like selectively obstinate and selfish ears…ears that could only hear me as long as I was agreeing to do it his way.

What was worse, if I did think he was listening, I would find out later what I said didn’t register because he would start pushing for things I had flat-out said no to, and given him the reasons as to why I was saying no.

He had NO respect for my feelings while he was demanding I respect his.

It was maddening because this is not the man I married.

When his dick isn’t part of the “dealing with real life and us as a couple” equation he listens to me, he hears me and what I say registers.

I had control of everything in our life but the FemDom.

UMMMM excuse me…

but what the hell is wrong with THAT scheme?

He kept telling me if we had to “discuss it” then he couldn’t just be the submissive and let me be in charge. At the start, what I needed was for him to help me sort out all the things I didn’t understand instead of leaving me swinging in the wind to sort out something HE ASKED FOR.

I was willing but he wasn’t. He wasn’t willing to do it MY WAY as he lip serviced how FemDom was all about me and my pleasures. It was about making my life easier.

ME…for there to be any pleasure or any “making life easier”……

I needed to deal with the feelings and emotions that were in play for ME.

I was battling the fact so much of what he wanted wasn’t in my core nature; so much of what he was asking for , what he wanted me to do…..didn’t fit my personality.

Add to that for him to have what he wanted, the way he wanted it meant I was going to have to give up what I wanted and needed in our sex life. OUR SEX LIFE…not mine…not his……it was ours, because what he wanted was going to replace OUR sex life and make it all about HIS SEX LIFE.

With one fell swoop he slammed the door on my needs and wants and then just to add insult in injury he didn’t want to address what he was asking me to give up to get him what he wanted.

Talking about my feelings “took all the fun out of it” for him.

From the start he was expecting me to do a hell of a lot of sacrificing with very little in return.

OH wait…he was going to give back, he was going to run my bath water and give me back rubs and do the dishes, he was going to be my SLAVE!

All I had to do to get these things was to play kinky the way he wanted and all my wishes would be fulfilled.

Let’s skip passed the fact he never bothered to ask if these were things I would want from a “slave”.

He didn’t even bother to ask if I wanted a “slave”…let’s go right to the fact:

Aren’t these things he should be doing as a decent partner out of love and doing so without expectations of “getting anything back?”

These were all things he had been doing as my life partner, as my spouse….. as my “wing man” in life as parents and a couple. That stuff all came to a dead halt, full stop they day he heard me say

“Okay, I’ll give this a try”.

(Here comes the lost in translation part)

He heard me that time…but he didn’t listen to what I said…….what he “heard”…what registered with him was:

“Okay I’ll give you what you want and if you think I am doing it right then you can reward me by doing things for me that you like to do, which make you feel more slavish.”

He stopped listening after he heard “I’ll give this a try.”

He didn’t hear me say:

“But you have to give me time and help me ,work with me, as I figure out what works for me and what I want from you.”

He didn’t want to “talk about it”…he didn’t want to hear about my feelings or answer questions he just wanted to “do it”.

The “lost in translation” stuff happened a lot.

He would stop listening as soon as he heard something he could translate into something that worked for HIM.

AND:

It lead to a hellish trip down the “You’re the Domme make me” path.

And that part of the story is a tale that needs its OWN spot!

So stay tuned….

Same Bat time

Same Bat channel.

3 Comments
  1. Does that make you Sexy Cat Women?? Wish I had some great words of wisdom, but I don’t, all out. Just a question from someone who has no clue about the life, Is he pushing you, to piss you off so it will be easier to take the next step, whatever that may be? Just a thought that crossed my mind when I was reading this.
    I can tell you from my relationship that they (men) have selective hearing, whatever the reason maybe and when it comes to us and our feeling, thoughts, working shit out, (out loud) they run for there safe little shell.
    I did read an interview with some relationship “expert” about why men shut down with woman.. And this “expert” said it is because men are really scared of our emotions and how we are able to be mad as hell one minute and laughing the next. Men just do not get it, and it scares the hell out of them. I thought that was kind of interesting.
    Well My Lady Good luck with all this, and remember if you need a break a good masturbation is always a nice break….I hope you found that funny, I did, cause for myself sometimes its easier to just deal with myself. I mean no disrespect.

    Like

  2. Mike S. permalink

    I have to say, I really like your views and experience on this. I was once ‘your husband’ in that I selfishly wanted only what I wanted and did not respect my now ex-wife’s view on this. A man has to consider and respect his wife’s view, opinion and feelings on this subject, no matter what it is. If she says no, I won’t or don’t want to go down that road, then the husband has to conform to her opinion and feelings. Unfortunately, many men, me included, have an ingrained, burning desire for such things and will do whatever we can to satisfy our cravings. This is the problem. How can we respect your desires and still satisfy ours? In other words, I want to be submissive and dominated by my wife but she does not want to play that game…what do I/we do?

    Like

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