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What do Dommes want?

by on February 22, 2013

The best answer to this question is always going to be:

ASK HER.

If you don’t have a “her” in your life yet, as in a Domme, any answers you get to the question should be considered with a grain of salt because until you meet “her” you can’t know the answer to the question and all anyone who does tell can do is give you an estimation of what she might want based on their own cravings or experiences. The answers you get aren’t solid facts; they are guesstimates, plain and simple.

It’s another “find the answer and you will be a billionaire overnight” thing.

I can tell you what I want as the Domme in MY life but I can also tell you that what I want is as much alike as it is different from other women who live the lifestyle and the ones who are looking for subs.

As I sit and think about the question…and the many women I know who live the lifestyle as a FemDom come to mind, not one of us have the same wants or needs when it comes to the partner’s we choose.

When I compare “following my own bliss” to happiness in a D/s relationship to their ways of following their own bliss with the subs they choose, there are conspicuous differences from the way we practice any forms of the lifestyle and from the partners we choose.

I’m strictly a “submissive male” kind of gal. The women I know personally who do practice the lifestyle, a couple of them are bi, at any time they may have both fem subs and/or male subs.

I like my men full of piss and vinegar, macho strutting alpha – pissers who are willing to give up control ON MY TERMS.

I want a man who has some stubborn fight in him and I don’t want to “break him of that” but I want him to learn how to let go when the time is right for power exchange. It’s his jobs to learn my cues ask the right questions and take notes to figure out what and how I want what I want.

I don’t give orders; I offer guidance outside the BDSM arena on how to earn BDSM play, my man can either work with me or do without.

I’m never going to have “training sessions” that involve B&D; B&D sessions with me are rewards for learning without the benefit of B&D sessions. That means my male partners, submissive or not need to be on their toes all the time observing me and knowing when to let the power exchange happen long before B&D becomes part of the experience. That means I am not going to want anything that looks or sounds like the standard for the scripted stories about FemDom.

I want a sub that is willing to prove to me he is worth my time and effort without the bells and whistles of BDSM, I want him to prove it to me in hopes of getting the reward. A couple of the women I am thinking of live to use BDSM in all kinds of forms to train their subs.

I use chastity play and chastity devices on my husband, the women I am thinking of right now, none of them have any interest in this type of activity.

I use sounding, two of the women I have in mind right now would consider it but it isn’t on the top of their “gotta do that to my sub” list and one just out right cringes when the topic of sounding comes up.

I don’t do OTK spanking the other women do.

I am learning to use a tens unit, a couple know how to and live to use them, the other two, couldn’t tell you, the topic has never come up with them.

I don’t do much strap on play and even when I have a strap-on on, I don’t use it penetration.  A couple of the women I am thinking of crave this type of play and it could be a deal breaker of their sub isn’t interested.

I use some pretty intense cbt play, but not nearly as intense as one woman I know and it is more than a couple others can stomach when it comes to the idea of using it on their subs.

We all use bondage me, I tend to be on lighter end of the spectrum but one of the woman I know has rope skills that are just outright mad wicked. Rope play is an absolute passion for her; it is an absolute “get to the bliss” activity for her. We all use whips and crops and floggers we all have our own preferences for each one and use them in different ways, to varying degrees but I have talked to FemDom’s who use nothing but paddles.

One woman loves puppy play with her subs, another strikes me as someone who must have a sub who is willing to be a pony boy slave, me I tolerate the puppy and it is a hard-earned treat for my sub/hub….and we will never have much pony play in our play list because it has no appeal to me.

I use SPH, I don’t think any of the women I know use it at all.

A couple of the women cuck their male subs, my husband is a cuck, we all tend to be very much alike in the way we cuck our men, but none of what we do looks anything like the portrayal in the cucking stories and websites and it isn’t exactly alike. We have different ways of practicing the same form of FemDom.

We all have our own style…but one thing we have in common is our sub ain’t nowhere near the actions when we are with our “extracurricular” partner. (See told ya it doesn’t look like what is portrayed.) One of the women I know won’t ever consider any type of cuck/poly lifestyle.

A couple of us used mild forced feming, a couple of us don’t use it at all, and one likes to go full-out with forced fem play.

A couple are into attending public play parties, me and mine, I’ll never be that brave.

I HATE having my feet touched any kind of foot play is OFF LIMITS for me; a couple of the women WANT a sub who is into foot worship because they love being pampered this way.

I could go on and on but I think the point is obvious:

There is no single answer to “what does a Domme want ?”

I spent a lot of time sifting thru my husband’s kinks to find the ones that appealed to me and then went to work making them work for me. If I were to ever look for another submissive what I use with him in our play list is what I would expect my other subs to want…it would be what THIS Domme wants.

You won’t know until she selects you as her sub and then it is a matter of asking questions about what SHE wants and then the negotiation of what you have to offer her as a submissive and what you want from the D/s relationship. It’s about finding common ground.

Yep…I know.

I didn’t give you the magic answers.

What good am I other than shoving pins in bubbles and stomp on sand castles built in the sky?

If that’s your thoughts after reading this and you want to tell me that, get in line.

My own husband is the leader of the pack in that line!

(Signing out with a loud WHOOP and EVIL GRIN!)

4 Comments
  1. ok I have a question or two…what is SPH? And what is puppy/pony play? And one more what is OTK?

    Like

  2. I kind of got ahead of myself with this post. I’ll add the explanations to the LINGO BINGO section later today.

    Like

  3. kinkysubmike permalink

    SPH is Small Penis Humiliation Mocking the tiny and worthless penises that some subs (like me) have. For those of into humiliation it’s a big thrill. To the Suburban Domme, I have to say you idea of kink seems very appealing to someone like me. You won’t have any trouble finding other subs, if that is what you want, but I’m sure you know that!

    Like

  4. FTR:

    I’m not looking for subs. I have three men in my life that I have a hard enough time trying to keep up with….adding another……put me in a padded cell first…purty please!!

    Like

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