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One woman’s take on FemDom

Right after I —–bitchy wife style—bitch slapped what it should be………. out of my husband’s head(s)


“It’s not a race, it’s a journey”

Welcome to the Suburbs.

To the net home of the Suburban Domme.

That’s me….


A 50 something woman who is married to a 50 something kinky man. We married in our late teens and somehow managed to stay that way. That wasn’t always easy, his kinks had a way of taking over our life to the point it would turn us both inside out.

Enter the magic of “FemDom”…….okay….no it wasn’t magic, but it was a way for us to deal with us being so lop sided on the kink front.

Over the last five years we have found a way to implement the lifestyle of 24-7 D/s into our lives in a way that keeps me from feeling overwhelmed and keep him from feeling like he is “missing something” in his life.

I also have two other men in my life, as the blog progresses who they are and what roles they play in our D/s life will be told.

I started out with the intention of feeding a cucking fetish and ended up in a polyamorus relationship.

I say I am the women behind you at the market and that’s true.


*wicked grin*

I am the woman who looks like Rainbow Bright and Punky Brewster are my personal shoppers/fashion consultants.

I own a full blown “Domme arsenal” from gear to wear to gear to practice a lifestyle I never dreamed I’d be in, much less find a passion for.

My man…is a S.A.M. to the core.

He’s more about being dominated then he is about being submissive, but he’s an excellent play partner for my extensive kinky flair.

The man has a fetish for every hair on his head ( and at 50 something….he still has a sexy as hell messy mop of hair.)

I am a sensual sadist. My thrill comes from taking his fetish urges and turning them on him and using them to make my life fun while I make him feel comfortable about who he is in all his kinky urges.

I don’t do angry kink, nor do I do cruel kink. I just can’t…that’s not me. Trying to be that almost did me in.

The title for this “about page”:

Someone very helpful to me told me

“It’s not a race, it’s a journey”

when I got dragged into the world of FemDomme and full blown BDSM.

I have no idea where this part of my journey will go.

Feel free to hop in for the ride.

Buckle up tho…I have a tendency to go a bit too fast, use speed bumps as launches, stops so short and so fast you could end up with whiplash. I take corners way to fast and can throw my passengers off balance in the blink of an eye.




What my idea of being a Domme panned out to be:

  1. writingthebody permalink

    Do you know, humour is essential…if you cannot at times laugh at the absurdity of even the heaviest scene, there is something wrong. One bit of this is obvious to me – when I am being punched and at my most terrified, for some reason, I start laughing. This usually distracts the one punching the crap out of me to say “What?” “No, it is fine – carry on!” “Right….but then she laughs too…because, well it is fun.” At best it goes more like “Funny eh? What about this then? Or that?” And then usually that cracks me up more, “Well go on then, is that all you’ve got?” etc – and it turns from laughter to something even more elusive…fun. So much of what we say and do is so earnest that I wonder if we don’t let the reality of it slip through our fingers. It is fun, isn’t it?


    • writingthebody permalink

      Aww that really is sweet….such a great pic of love!


  2. I agree!! Laughter is so important in life…I was just checking out laughing yoga before I came here…


  3. Hi…I was just reading Kinky Fuckery..I do not know if you know who he is, if you don’t I would like you to check him out…He has been doing a sex study….But he is also having discussions about sex topics, He is looking for more Domme to join in on the conversation and I think you would be a great source of real and honest information….All the discussions on there have all been nonjudgmental, and respectful…and a lot of fun…It is nice seeing others point of view when they are not shoving it down your throat….to think that there is only one way to see things is just wrong..


  4. Thanks for the heads up! I’ve done some reading on the blog and it’s quite interesting.


  5. I love that you state this so succinctly: “He’s more about being dominated then he is about being submissive.” There *is* a difference, and it’s one that very few people seem to realize exists.


    • When he dumped the idea of being a “FemDom D/s couple” on me…I had no idea what it was or how it worked.

      It took me a couple of years to get to a point I understood it…and man talk about a war to rival that of the “Roses”………. when I started forcing him to stop pissing on my leg and telling me it was raining.

      If he’s a submissive…….I’m the freakin tooth fairy…cuz only in an imaginary world built by the guileful to trick the unacquainted …is he submissive.

      But he gets props….he got the clue and admits he’s about being dominated…not about being submissive and works hard to make sure he’s working from sub mode now days.


  6. writingthebody permalink

    That is good to know as well!


  7. vixenincognola permalink

    I like your style, I am definitely staying tuned!
    “it’s not a race… it’s a journey” is oh so true. I just dipped my little pinky toe into the world of polyamory. I am on my own journey 🙂


    • Welcome aboard the ~not so customary~ FemDom version of the “SS Wonkatania” . 😉

      Smart move to just dip your toe into the waters….instead of just diving in head first of a poly life, I don’t regret the way things turned out for me with my guys……but in hind sight…there are things that I should have thought threw a little more before I went through with them.

      I hope others can learn from my missteps.


      • vixenincognola permalink

        Thanks so much for sharing! I’m a sponge so lay it all out and I’m sure to learn something! Your writing is really easy to read! Thanks!!


  8. I fear that truly reciprocal relationships aren’t all that easy to find. Too many people want to complain about what they are missing/aren’t getting and too little time making their relationship mutual so that their partner has some incentive to indulge your/or my kink.

    Happy partners are better lovers, even when the happiness comes from a swift caning, or aggressive nipple clamps. 🙂

    A retired photographer looks at life
    Life Unscripted on WordPress


    • Hi Peter and welcome to a boat load a of CRAZY! 🙂

      As long as the one…… who has to swing the cain and apply the nipple clamps…….. finds their ~*~own~*~ bliss in the practice….is not just playing along to keep some peace to get that happy relationship….
      Then all is good. 😉


  9. I quite like it. Also, because I couldn’t comment on “for the record”… I also LOVE the Jim Croce reference.



  10. Howdy Fatal!
    So you caught the whiff of Jim over there, eh?? Have to say the fact you took the time to come over here and tell me you did gave me a huge grin. I figured I’d dated myself there…and wondered if anyone would catch it.Coolness!! 🙂


  11. writingthebody permalink

    OK. I was away a while. But you have been away a while longer. I love your blog. I miss you. I miss how you dissect people like me, not sadistically, but analytically. Goodness me, I miss you!


  12. Congratulations on finding a balance and a way to include kink into your lifestyle.
    Me and my husbands story is very simular.
    By using femdom as a way to control his kinks we play when I want to (which is way more often than when he hassled me to play).

    Our story is here if you’re interested:


  13. I found being a Domme in a loving marriage is not about the stern, Crawl Mistress so much. But more about playing loving games with my husband that we both enjoy.

    OK I can be a stern bitch too hehe.


  14. LOL a Rainbow Bright Domme 🙂 I love it 🙂


  15. Sallie permalink

    I’m in the beginning of my journey. At 32 I felt an awakening In my desires and up until 6 months ago I had no way of knowing where this would lead me. I met a guy online…yeah yeah this isn’t unusual. He was heading to the other side of the world with a one way ticket. Fair enough…so we allowed ourselves to become “friends”. Turns out my friend has a penchant for “la kink”! And also turns out that his desire to fulfill the absurd/taboo is a thrill for me also. I had no idea that this was a “thing” but through our friendship it all happened very organically! I remember him telling me to let him know what my limits were…and weeks later I was breaking them. Now I find that stretching my limits is as thrilling as him stretching his! It’s such a mutual partnership…online anyway. He decided to come home and is due back in a month. We have both expressed our desire to start a D/s relationship. Hre’s nervous. We are both anxious. But it is a need that we both have and I’m looking for support/a mentor. This is entirely new for me yet something that he has been fantasising over for years. I don’t want to let him down. And I want to be safe. So I wondered if I may be able to count on you as a mentor? Feel free to say no, it’s fine.


  16. Love your site so far can’t wait to read more.


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