Skip to content

B.A.D. men part 2 of chapter 2

by on February 13, 2013

I am not speaking for all submissive.

In fact I am not speaking for submissives at all.

I am using the power of reflection and my own history based on conversation with my husband and with other men when talking about why they crave BDSM and being in a state of submissiveness.

In court what I said would purely be hearsay, so keep that in mind as you read and take what is typed with a grain of salt.

When it comes to BDSM and FemDom……my own husband is looking for the rush that comes with being sexually aroused.

He wants to hang on to that “arousal high” for as long as he can before he has an orgasm. Orgasm means the end of the arousal tension, a euphoric high and all the “good tingly feelings” that go with being aroused.

He is constantly on a search for things that will help him stay aroused and the longer he can hold on to that feeling the better it gets. AND the longer he holds on to that feeling the more it takes to hang on to it.

Being “Fem-Dommed” ——dominated by women——is a sure-fire/tried and true way that will always get him into that euphoric high that comes with being aroused.

There are actually scientifically established biological reasons for these urges.

It is a biological brew made up of powerful “drug like” chemicals our own bodies’ manufacture and dose out and we all, everyone, every age, crave the rush we just look for different ways to get the rush coursing through our bodies.

It isn’t just a “sexual thing”.

No one thinks anything of the person who gets this type of rush from extreme sports. Some people get this rush shopping others may find the same rush in doing charity work.

All in all, we all do it, we all look for that rush and it isn’t a problem until our conduct becomes unsound, unsafe and/or starts to have a destructive impact on our lives and the ones in our lives.

So..back to the guys

who get this rush from being “dommed”.

I say being “dommed” not being submissive……. because far too many don’t get the same rush from being submissive….the rush comes from being dominated.

They assume being submissive simply means allowing someone to use their cravings for BDSM on them. They never think past “getting someone to domme them” and think about the complexities and inner workings of being a submissive partner.

That doesn’t make them submissive, it makes them a bottom….and I digress…another hair spilling semantically orientated topic for another time.

My husband tells me being dominated helps him feel relaxed. It helps him take his mind off the insane Alpha pissing world he has to survive, as a very aggressive big bad Alpha pisser in everyday to make a living to support the ones who count on him to keep their worlds in order. It helps him to feel less anxious of having to be in control by not being in control for a while. I have heard the same from others…both male and female.

The more stressed my husband is, the more he craves that FemDom BDSM shelter he wants to get from me.

I personally can’t get my mind around this because I am a control freak. I don’t like NOT being in control and that gets me in trouble in the same manner my husband wanting to give up control can get him in. Two sides of the same coin, I guess.

I also can’t get my mind around the urge he has for me to humiliate him and be punishing in the vein of being his Domme. These actions are not part of my make as a woman or the way I deal with people in my world. I go out of my way to avoid this type of conduct.

Why does he crave this and the other things he craves?

He says the pain from pain play ( cbt, trampling, spanking, whipping, flogging, wax play and on and on and on when it comes to pain play) sends him into his own world away from the things that have him on edge. For him it isn’t pain, for him it is medication that helps him cope and let go of the things that do stress him out.

That type of play for him is the “after work dirty martini” some use…..or the pain anti-anxiety pill others swallow.

Back to we all get it somehow….

As long as it isn’t toxic to our lives

And the ones in our world,

No harm no foul.

To avoid this becoming an overwhelming confounding wall of words,  this is a starting point for information in trying to understand why some people crave BDSM and why some crave that in the form of being “submissive”.


I am an I.T. goof living in a house full of I.T. geeks.

Over the next week or so I hope to get this blog better organized by playing the Domme card I own.

In the mean time:

I would like to encourage anyone who identifies with the submissive side of the coin

~*~be it female or male~*~

to share their own thoughts and experiences on this topic in order to help those of us who do not have these same urges to better understand the ones we live, love and play with.

>>>>>Please note<<<<<

Abandon all pornographic delusion

all ye who enter here.


Wank fodder comments will not be approved.

  1. I get your husband. I am a 100% control freak that plans every minute of every day. There is something liberating and freeing surrounding feeling safe enough to give all of that to someone.

    The main reason I enjoy orgasm denial so much is that it provides me with the constant “high” of an orgasm while the actual feeling of an orgasm is fleeting. Wonderful, but gone and over with in just a few seconds.

    Oh – and the sub vs. bottom vs. slave terminology is also one I could spend hours on. LOL


    • Wanna start a semantically worded debate that will have your head spinning and wishing you could pull your hair out by the roots even if you aren’t a maso?

      Ask a group to define “what is what”.

      You will get a variety of answers and some may seem alike…..while others….. are off the charts not even close to what other think they are.

      It’s a “LINGO BINGO” topic that I have spent the last two days trying to get worded so I won’t be skinned alive and nailed to the front door of the local dungeon!!

      My husband and I can’t even agree on which is what and what is what and who is what….on THAT topic!

      *insert ~*snort and eye roll*~ here*


      • Haha! Oh, I’ve already received tons of the, “I’m gonna stop following you because you don’t write about things I agree with.” Oh and not to mention the whole, “I read your blog so I can rub one out – please stop trying to educate people.” emails.

        People like you remind me why I write. Thank you. 🙂


  2. Mike S. permalink

    Hi, this topic hits home with me. I’m a 56 year old Alpha/Beta male LOL….I am Alpha to everyone that knows me but in reality, I want to be submissive to a woman I truly love…and truly loves me. I spent some time with a professional Domme who after several months told me, “You are NOT submissive. You are an alpha male with a domination fetish”. I was shocked. I think she was right and wrong though. The fact that she was a large bodied, and very unattractive woman whom I had no emotional or physical attraction to made it impossible for me to enjoy submitting to her. I liked her as a friend and I respected her knowledge, experience and skills as a very dominant and powerful female, but I just could not fully submit to her. To me, full submission to a woman has to be because I love her and want to do it for her.I want my submission to be 100% and because I LOVE her, not because of anything I get out of it. Now, I have a girlfriend who is 100% straight Vanila but who is aware of my kinky past and is 100% accepting of it. I am so eager to submit to her but in my mind, the way to do it is to just serve her in every way possible. Do everything for her I can to make her life, easy, comfortable, pleasurable, safe and secure. I would do anything she wanted but I wonder, will she appreciate it? Will she understand what I am doing and why? I have no problem cooking for her, doing all the household chores, paying the bills and working overtime so she can be at home, without having to work, just being herself and living a healthy, happy life. I even want her to take on a lover who is young and virile if that is what she wants ….but she says she does not want that. I’m having trouble with ED to satisfy her but she seems to not care. The thing is, she is only 31 years old and I know she has interest in younger men. I am so open to her having a lover/s if that is what she wants because I feel that it is my duty as a husband to please her in every way and let her have whatever she needs to be happy if I can. What do you think about all I have said?


    • Hi ya Mike……I just caught up on the other comments you made and I am a bit confused..
      You have a wife and a 31 year old girlfriend?

      Sorry it is late on my part of the planet..and before I comment further I want t make sure I understand the relationship dynamics you have going on.


Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Abandon pornographic delusions……. | The Suburban Domme

Don't be shy!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

The Suburban Domme

The Suburban Domme Living with a (semi) submissive man

Miss Pearl

Non-professional perspective femdom & kink, with awesome erotica.

E.T. Enter Tangentially

Cross Words raise your blood pressure, Crosswords raise your vocabulary

Temperature's Rising

Still hot. (It just comes in flashes now.)

%d bloggers like this: