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Synopsisicly speaking

by on April 5, 2013

I’m going to “synopsiscly” document some back story in one post…because the three topics mentioned at different times when someone knows the whole back story…..always bring the same questions.
At some point I will give more detail on each subject….for now….here we go:


I type what I have to say about the topic with trepidation….. because I know at some point my husband will read this and it will be a knife to his heart. It won’t be fatal but it will be painful….and it will require some after care from me. His mood will shift, he will become sad, I will need to pick up him, lift his spirits and point out we survived the infidelity.

All the preamble ramble…..
Sounds like I’m the one who cheated……doesn’t it?
Nope…wasn’t me.
Was him…about 15 years ago.

He had a “fling” with a coworker while on an out of town assignment. I refuse to use the word “affair” because it gives the matter more weight than it is worthy of. It was 48 hours of flat out the man went stupid.

In those 48 hours he spent a whole whopping seven with her….two nights in a row….. after work  he jumped in her bed. That doesn’t mean it didn’t almost break me in two…it doesn’t mean I didn’t feel like my world came crashing down around me….it doesn’t mean I still don’t have days all these years later that I don’t have something remind of that point in our life together…and fall apart.

It took me months to get past the betrayal.

I had to get to a point I had to make choice…..fix it or finish it…with him.

I had to choose to walk away from him and our life we had spent years building together….or find a way to get past it and move on. With a lot of gut work from him…..I did find a way to move past it. In fact I have found that episode of stupid………in the bigger scheme of things…actually worked as a good thing, it made us stronger as a couple.

My reason for stating this here; because I need to say upfront, because I always get asked:

I didn’t use BDSM or FemDom or D/s to “fix” what was broke. I couldn’t and I wouldn’t…….because the relationship was in tatters……. because of his kink nature. I always get asked how the lifestyle helped me save my marriage…it didn’t…at all.

Why am I so worried about how he will feel when he reads this? Don’t I want him to feel guilty?

I worry because no good will come of his feeling guilty about something that is long past and dealt with. It won’t be any good FOR ME to go digging up old bones to pick with him. Guilt is useless… is contrition I want him to feel and I want him to feel it on his own. If I have to make him feel guilty to make sure he never cheats again….I don’t want to be in a marriage with him.

Frankly…I probably won’t say much about this part of our life unless it needs to be said in the vein of amplification…or saying something to someone who has been in the same circumstances. It isn’t healthy for our relationship for me to keep stirring this pot unwarranted.


When he brought this idea up……about 10 years after the fling….one of the things he used to convince me it was a good thing for us was to tell me I could know for sure he would never cheat on me again. I felt like I had been gut punched….. I wanted to vomit.

If he needed to his dick under lock and key to prove to me he would never cheat again…..then I wanted out. If he couldn’t make that promise without some kind of kink attached to it….then he wasn’t committed to the idea of being faithful to me…… in his mind or heart.

We do use chastity to enhance our BDSM adventures…at my whim…when I am in the mood to play “let me babysit your dick”. I never lock him up with the intent of making him a better “sub”. It is just another tool in the kink repertory.


Yes he is “cucked” via a two pronged poly relationship I have with my other guys. No I didn’t cuck him because he cheated…..that had no bearing on why I chose to add other men to our life.

And it looks nothing like what comes to mind when the words cuckold/cucking/cucked gets used.

He has no face to face contact with guy #2 EVER…….. and guy #3 isn’t a full on fluid bound partner.

 This is here as synopsis documentation.

When I do start to flesh out the bits and pieces of us as a couple who survived infidelity… a couple who uses chastity play mixed into the D/s play and a couple who uses cucking as part of our D/s life…..

I have a “go to link” to save me the headache (and heart ache) of having to repeat what I said here.

From → Back Story

  1. writingthebody permalink

    Love this….honest as ever. Of course if you sleep with other men it is not his business. I think once anyone actually does it, that becomes obvious….a matter of respect to the other person, and of course to you. And as for feeling betrayed, well, I guess that is the dynamic between you. The chastity argument is, as you say, a bit silly. You have worked all that out, I think. lol….he is lucky to have you! hugs to you both!


  2. Thanks for the hugs:)

    And I am pretty lucky to have him.

    Once I got him off the porn induced hazy daze…….dragged him out of the sand castle built in the sky…… turned out his kinks are pretty damned fun to play with.

    I do enjoy using the T&D and the chastity devices we own now days because I use them in a way that suits my urges for kink play.

    I love the look on his face when he finds one of them out for him to put on….he’s like this silly, goofy over grown kid in a GOOD way…because he knows I am telling him I accept this part of who he is and I’m not just playing along with this kink…I took this kink and made it about US and I’m not just “doing it cuz he asked me to” I own the kink as much as he does….…..he says THAT’S what make it feel right and thrilling!

    Who I sleep with is 100% his business 🙂

    Not clueing him in and letting him know what’s up…….~is cheating~…….and not only that…… he may not be jumping in bed with me when I am with another guy……….but he effectively sleeps with whomever I sleep with…….and we both sleep with anyone my partners has slept with.

    The only way and only reason the cuking or poly..or whatever it gets called works for us…is because I am absolutely transparent…it is OUR business…..and he’s the one who has the final say …..always….. on when and how of the other men are in OUR life…cuz it is OUR life they are part of.


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