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Dressing down……….. dressing up.

by on April 12, 2014

“Visual and auditory”


Let’s break this down a bit….in the process of the battle to win the war of trying to be a happy couple who kinks.


If I had a bazillion bucks and a staff of hot sexy servants to fawn over me…..…..I’d love to stay dressed and coiffed looking like I stepped on the cover of a fashion magazine and ordering my staff around as I peered down my nose at them from pedestal.

Okay… I couldn’t even type that with a straight face.

Even at 53……..I’m far too much tomboy and constant whirling dervish running on neurotic…uuuhhh I mean….nervous energy, caffeine and nicotine ………to spend too much time worrying about the way my hair looks, if my purse matches my shoes…..hell…..more often than not….. I don’t even carry a purse.

I carry a man’s slim line wallet…in the back pocket of whatever pants I have on…if I don’t have a pocket ………..I shove it in my bra.

I live my life at warp speed…..getting dressed is just rote, perfunctory thing I do to prevent being arrested for indecent exposure.

I don’t have kids under foot now days…so getting dressed “daily” might be something I could put more effort into but old habits die hard…or maybe I am just too lazy to go for the gusto and change up my routine.

My routine consists of grabbing that discount store robe off the floor and stumbling my way to the kitchen at somewhere around buttcrack-of-dawn:30 every morning. My hair is fairly long….middle of my backish long…and as thin and fine as corn silk…so chances are my head is going to look like the fuzzy end of a lollypop while I am staring at the coffee pot willing it to make my K cup coffee FASTER DAMNIT! FASTER!!

Back in the day..I didn’t have the luxury of a K cup……I had a Mr Coffee that sputtered and somewhere in that sputtering I ended up with another kind of K that I was staring at willing it to GO FASTER DAMNIT…FASTER!

That “K” was a kid…….three in fact. Back then……..all I was worried about was them getting dressed…..and HOPED I remember to get out of my robe before I hit the door to shuttle them to school or where ever the “K” had to go.

Now days it is just Monssieurnotasub and me…and he’s fairly efficient at dressing himself…….for the most part.

Once he is out the door……I head for my gym clothes……and then head for the gym. Back in the day…..once I got the kids out the door…if I’d forgot to get dressed before I shuttled them wherever…I head for my “comfy clothes” that as it turns out…are now days…my gym clothes. I stay barefoot or at least I try to. I am that woman who kicks off her shoes in the passenger seat and the drives seat.


Safe bet…I am going to be in gym clothes….today tho..….fooled ya…, cutoff jeans a T-shirt that reads

“Friends help friends move…

Real friends help friends move bodies”.

I did comb my hair this morning…….but not before Monssieurnotasub suggested I might want to at least wave a brush passed it before I go out doors to work on my car.

Following my gist here?

For the most part….most of the women I know aren’t dressing to influence libidos…they are dressing so they look presentable enough to go out in public to do what they need to do to get back home and do more of what they need to do. Some work harder at presentation then others…but over all “sexy and sex” for every day life…ain’t on their minds when they pull on a shirt…or pants…..or skirt….or boots.


A friend works at a high end store make up counter…she has a “uniform” of sorts she has to wear… button down shirt, skirt, panty hose and shoes…they ALL have to be black…and over that she wears a white lab coat.

She jokes about all the guys who seem to have a “fetish” for the way the women dress at the makeup counters in the store.

She has one repeat customer for the male line of the cosmetics, she said if he actually goes thru them as fast as he returns to replace used product he must be using them as food and house cleaning projects.

Why does she “think” he has a fetish for the way she dresses at work?

She ran into him at a coffee shop in the mall she works in….and he didn’t even know who she was.

He flat out said

“Oh I didn’t recognize you without your uniform on” and she said she felt like he couldn’t get away from her fast enough…he wasn’t rude…he just seemed very disinterested in HER or having any kind of conversation with her.

She figured he was embarrassed to meet her outside the norm…..and expected she’d lost a customer and a healthy, consistent commission to boot.

Not so…a couple of weeks later…he was back at the counter asking her about the latest products available and buying up all the items he’d bought just a couple of weeks earlier, chatting her up like he always did in the 45 minutes or so he spent with her.

Eargasm guy has NO interest in seeing me in the S.O.P of “Domme gear”.

He likes the boots…but not the thigh high. He can get a little goofy over my cowboy boots…..but what rocks his world about me…is the “cowgirl/tomboy” part of my personality. To him………an east coast born Bronx boy…this bred and born in the Plains state girl…….is exotic. He think honest to god “Tommy Lamma” cowboy are sexy as hell…and the boots with a denim mini skirt and a tank tops…the man is over the moon. He’ll take that over thigh highs and leather mini skirts any day.

He hates faked up “cowboy boots”…….I own a few pair of “dress cowboy boots” that are…well…dressed up…from the colors to the designs on them…..and he tends to look crestfallen when he sees these are what I have brought with me on a hop to his place.

I have two pair…that are actual men’s boots…a pair of Nocona and a pair Dan Post….no flash……no bling…both plain mahogany calf…. in color…..but those boots…hell I could be wearing a burlap gunny sack with a bowl on my head and it would still rock his world….as long as I had on one of those pair. He loves to get a couple of beers in me because the twang gets twangery ( is that even a word?) and  that is ONE of his “auditory” arousal type kinks….. in play.


Monssieurnotasub…yeah he’s the blown Domme gear dreamer…but he is also a “Mad Men” kinda guy.

That show is absolute pure porn for him. He couldn’t tell you what the plot was….. in any episode…..but I guarangawdamnnnnttee, he could tell you exactly what Jane was wearing.

( Being honest here…I’m not sure if the draw is her full figure and her red hair or the clothes…or all of the above..but it works in my favor considering I am a full figured red hair shorty)

I clued in early in our life that he had a “thing” for Betty Page…..and not just in her “kinky fetish clothing” he gets most fixated on pictures of Betty dressed in everyday “50’s style dresses and heels” I clued in so much…that long before he brought the idea of D/s up…I was “gearing up” as much like Betty as possible…right down to the wig and red lipstick she wore.

When did I “gear up” like Betty?

When I was in the mood for some role play and wanted to stroke his kink side. And I loved every minute of it……..until it became a “gotta do it to keep him in sub mode”.

He loves to sit and listen to me spar with his co workers over the nature of the biz we are in and politics…he loves “hearing me” put these guys in their place as an aggressive “take no bullshit” female. It’s a kink that will have him buzzing on a honry high for a couple of days without me doing anything other then…what I did….talking to other men…..but not letting them get the better of me.


Has anyone figured out what’s up here yet?

In the midst of talking “visual and auditory”….what are we really talking about?





BDSM kinksters don’t have a corner on the kink fetish market. Kinks and fetishes come in all kinds of flavors. Eargasm guy isn’t BDSM kinky…but the dude’s got some kinks and some of them look like BDSM kinks…but if applied to him in a BDSM way……he’d run so fast all I would see is asshole and elbow in a cloud of dust.

There always a huge debate about what is kink……what is fetish…is THAT kiny…..and it tends to go in semantically driven  circles.

(See here:

for just one example)

Quite often what we see as “not kink” is kink to another person…and if kink makes them uncofrtable…well…ummm….do I need to spell that out TOO?

So lets just call this “something  sexy that rocks your world and you would really love it if your partner would do it for you” stuff.


In the end if she doesn’t share the urge for the same thing…..she is preforming for you. That’s NOT a bad thing if she’s on board and feels comfortable about whatever it is she is doing. If she can take that “sexy thing that rocks your world” and make it her own and rock her world and yours…well



SO think caps on…purty please:


When you want her to dress a certain way….you are asking her to perform a kink for you from YOUR kink wish list….she will be putting extra effort into something that turns you……if it isn’t something she has an interest in or feels uncomfortable doing.



SO….let’s do some math now…..

How many kinks did you drop on her…the first time you brought up the idea of D/s?

Just a rough guess…considering my history of talking to men who are either looking for a way to ask…or did it and it didn’t go so well……a very nonscientific guess…is the average “unaware but got the FemDom bomb dropped on her” is in the neighborhood of five.


The guys drop them all at once and in  the first few minutes of opening up.

Every guy I know who has brought up the idea of FemDom and D/s wanted to immediately

(as in can we start right now, huh? Huh? Like RIGHT NOW!! PURTY PLEASE~~)

introduce (not in any specific order)

Theatrical like Role Play

(that’s the topic here when boiled down….Dressing Domme… is role play)


(That’s what comes with being ordered around and barked at like a worthless piece of shit)

Tease and denial

of some type.


Sadism and masochism of some sort.


Which is domination and subjection

( Yes…YES…..I know it has a lot of other meanings…but work with me here people!…and not submission in this case… have asked her to “subjugate you” …so you can be her submissive.)

Which brings us to


Total power exchange.

(Most guys who ask for this from a life partner aren’t looking for “Temporary Power exchange” another form of TPE.)



I dare ya guys… to count…….. how many kinks you dropped on your partner ( or would…… if you found a way to bring it up) in ONE sitting…when you finally talked to her about your D/s urges.

From → Nuts and bolts

  1. I laughed outright at “Tommy Lamma” boots. 😉 Once upon a time I had a pair of two-toned Tony Lamas. I think they were the most comfortable boots I ever owned.


  2. Just for you…..


    (and here’ the real hoot in that…….I didn’t even realized I’d misspelled it…til YOU typed it…..but its what he calls alllllllllll my “wes-turn boots”….and damn who has who owned in that set up???
    * looking totally confused here*


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