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Elevator muzak……

by on April 12, 2014

While I to get my latest post ready for this conversation…….

I’d like to share something that my own husband posted almost a year ago……

A retread of sorts….. because it just seems to fit here.


Anticipatory forward planning

Part of my job description is to write training programs and manuals and teach classes. It’s not a complicated process and it isn’t that difficult provided everyone in the group has some experience doing what the manuals are about. I hate public speaking, but it’s not a job that intimidates me. My wife shocked me this afternoon when she asked me to write a manual that outlines what a husband or boyfriend should consider when he asks his wife or girlfriend to explore FemDom. This idea intimidates me. I had to think for a while if I could do this and if I could, how I would.

Another part of my job is anticipatory forward planning, using documented events, as benchmarks to avoid complications in the future. I am more comfortable with the idea of suggesting things to consider, things I wish I had known and/or thought about when it came to getting her interested in my kinks then writing some sort of how to guide. The first consideration I want to address is disposition.

My wife is a strong willed, independent woman; she is dominant and aggressive, all the right and good things that would make a great Domme. But she is all these things without being rude and demanding. If I had given some sober thought to how she is as a dominant woman, used some anticipatory forward planning, thought about her mannerisms and the way she deals with people overall, I would have admitted the end result of what I wanted from her as my Domme was going to be forcing her to change for me.

I wanted rude and demanding. I figured she would adapt to that once she saw it was getting her what she wanted. The problem there, again one I should have seen coming: she didn’t want anything if she had to get it that way. If she has to badger or bully someone to get something from them she tends to exclude them from her life. She’s always been great at adapting; another part of her disposition is to find ways to make things work. The woman can take a sow’s ear and turn it into a silk purse, but she is also “street and life’s hard knocks” wise enough to know when to cut her losses and walk away, when it is time to stop throwing good on top of bad.

The independent part of her disposition is something I discounted. I wanted to be her slave and I wanted her to demand that I pamper her. I didn’t want her lifting a finger for me. What woman wouldn’t want that? Mine. My woman didn’t want that. She is a nester and a nurturer; she lives to take care of and dote on the people she cares about. Someone fussing over her irritates her. I was expecting her to give up this part of who she has been all her life so I could “be her slave and make her happy.”

The aggressive part of her disposition came back to bite me where I live. She was aggressive as my Domme alright. She was aggressively unrelenting in pushing me to live up to the “I am doing all this for your” “This is all about you and your happiness and pleasure” and aggressively demanded that I stop trying to change her to fit my needs and that I be honest about what was behind all the blarney I was feeding her, what I wanted wasn’t so much about her as it was me trying to dupe her into adding FemDom and BDSM to our sex life and I wanted it to be the main focus of our life overall.

Anticipatory forward planning always starts with queries that have answers based in the past and present characteristics. If I could go back in time and anticipate glitches, here is where I would start the planning: How is what you want going to play out for her? Is she going to have to make a lot of changes to her personality to accommodate your fantasy idea of what your dream Domme is? Where is her disposition going to come back to bite you were you live? What are the chances you trying to force this on her will crush her disposition?

I’m sure there are many others questions that could be used but hindsight tells me if I had just used these few and answered them honestly to myself I would have known what the outcome was going to be and sitting here looking at them right now I am surprised the outcome wasn’t her cutting her losses and walking away. Considering everything I wanted to do to “make her happy and make this all about her” meant she had to change a lot of who she is so I could “make her happy” it really is a wonder she’s still here.

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