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Aquired……Not hard wired.

by on March 30, 2013

That’s me when it comes to the BDSM aspect of the kinky life I share with my husband .

I’m not “BDSM kink” hard wired.

The more overt BDSM facets, pain play, humiliation, bondage, sadism…….. I can take it or leave it.  

My husband on the other hand is and he can’t take it or leave it.

He craves all of those things. BDSM isn’t something he “acquired a taste for”……. it is something that is as much in his core being a is the need to breathe oxygen and forage the fridge for food….for him BDSM isn’t a “lifestyle”………. it is a life force.

The endorphin high that comes with being dominated is something he needs, his masochistic nature craves being dominated.

I am always astounded when I sit and think about how we have managed to come at BDSM from opposites end of the scale and find a point where we could not only both get what we need…but have our lop sidedness on the kink scale……mesh so well.

For the most part…..

I don’t crave tying him up and performing dastardly deeds on his boy bits. I don’t have the need to humiliate him to put him in his “rightful place”. There’s no burning desire to garb a flogger and strike him until there are marks across his back to admire at a later date.

I don’t spend a lot of time fantasizing about ways to use BDSM on him. The session play is always built around his cravings, his fantasies; it’s constructed by me….. In a form and fashion…… that allows me to adapt and be comfortable as the dominant in the session play.

I’m not hard wired for the “engulfing endorphin high” aspects of BDSM. I’m not a sadist in the vein of being authoritarian and demanding, in fact sadism of any kind is a stretch for me.

I do have my own set of kinks that I need in play to get my own endorphin rush.

I have found ways to use my own hard wired “not so much BDSM styled” kinks……… acquire the knack for the BDSM play he craves….and to be able to appreciate the BDSM play as much as he does.  I live to turn his kink cravings into something that truly does give me the power over him and doesn’t allow him to turn me into a service top.

My own kinky urges tend to lean toward the cerebral characteristics of BDSM, one-upmanship, teasing and taunting, driving him into a frenzy of being overwhelmed by his own carnal natures.  I get off on the “stalk and pounce” practice of foreplay.

Cat and mouse mind play with my husband is amazing because this part of my nature meshes so well with his urge to be humiliated along with  teased and denied.

This guy truly does lives in the limbo of “when will I get to have my next orgasm?” and he thrives on it.

I love getting him all worked up then shutting him down. I have a long list of urges that tentacle off his main kinks…that I can use to tease him throughout the day…….I can drive him honry hound dog-crazy and never lay a hand on him.

I live-LIVE…not love……but LIVE…. to push him into spontaneous orgasms. He really had no idea what the hell he was getting himself into when he dropped the

“Here baby, you take control of my orgasms” request on me.

He thought it meant I wouldn’t LET him have orgasms…he wanted to use me as the device to help him stay on the horny hormone high that comes with being aroused. He really didn’t want me to control his orgasms…he wanted me to play along with his urges to not have orgasms.

I put a stop to that by forcing him to cum on demand and forcing him to do it often. If I am going to “control” the orgasms…then by damn I will control them as I SEE FIT……

I won’t service top his denial kink.  

I have a few tricks up my kinky sleeve that I know will send him straight to orgasm.

When I push him to orgasm…that’s a high I walk around on for days.

I have to admit the only time I get off on having him bound, the only time the idea of tying him up is a “foreplay” turn on for me…….is when I am doing it with a forced orgasm session.   I really get a thrill out of putting him “lock down” without using any of the chastity devices we own.  It is hilarious for me…. to watch him squirm and fight the urge to grab the willy and wank when I am teasing him furiously.

I am an outrageous flirt and an exhibitionist.

These all pay right into the humiliation and cuck kinks he has and makes for another way to tease his kinky butt into a frenzy. I can amp put the intensity by the way I dress when we go out, which works great for me because I love getting all dolled up. A short skirt and stilettos and the guy is so malleable he’s damned blessed I’m not the type to take advantage of him in deleterious ways.

He’s got a thing for financial domination and I can have a whole lot of fun with this kink.

Taking him to the mall for some “Fin Domme” play always nets me some pretty nifty booty and gets him silly, silly high on endorphins. I get a huge kick out of making him stand outside the dressing room…holding my purse and all the bags from shopping…as I try on clothes, step out and model them for him….or step out and hand him something telling him to get me a different color or size.

I always get so many compliments from women on the fact he’s “such a good sport”.

I just smile and nod and say thank you. I always wonder what they would say if they knew what was behind him being such a good sport.

I always crack up at the stares we get as we traipse thru the mall…him a few paces behind me….. juggling bags.

Since I’m not hard wired for his style of BDSM kink play….he has to earn his “physical contact” BDSM play and he does this by working with me and the “mind game side” that is my innate ability for kinky play. The more eagerly and earnestly he works with me…the grander the rewards.

Now days……..his spends a lot of time getting “grand rewards”

🙂 🙂 🙂

  1. I really like that you give an out-in-the-world, everyday, regular Joe, non-naked example in this post with the shopping thing.

    I sometimes feel like there is an unrealistic emphasis on pain play when it comes to the way people understand BDSM, and partly that’s because pain is the primary thing people write about ~ in blogs, in books, etc. But the D part of the BDSM equation ~ the D part ~ does not require whip wielding or stiletto trampling. It’s so much more than that.

    And thanks, also, for putting it out there that “sadism of any kind is a stretch for me.” Me too! Not all Dom/me-types are sadists, and not all subs (or notasubs) are masochists.


  2. You’re welcome and thanks for adding this:
    Not all Dom/me-types are sadists, and not all subs (or notasubs) are masochists.
    (It’s good to have someone dragging me out of my tunnel vision 😉 )

    I know a lot of guys who say they are sub…but only a hand full really “get it” and one of them isn’t a maso…and he gets so frustrated when people assume he is a maso…because he is sub.

    The shopping trip play time……..that’s what most all the D/s looks like in our life.

    Yes we do have some pretty intense sessions that look like a porn flick come to life….but that’s not the standard for us…and he has to bust his ass big time to get that kind of play session scheduled.
    I tease him all the time and tell him
    You ain’t no sub…you are alllllllllllll client”

    Cuz for him to get that kind of BDSM play….he might as well be booking a session with a Pro…cuz he is gonna “pay to play” and that kind of play has to be scheduled in advance.

    I get such a kick out of taking his kinks and turning them on him in public…on the down low…no one knows what is going on but he and I.

    It’s funny you mentioned trampling….. cuz yep…he owns that fetish to…it does nothing for me when I use it on him…but trips my hot and horny breaker is wearing the boots/heels I use for trample play out in public. I love-love-love—- the look on his face when he realizes what boots/ shoes I have on. I get a huge rush out of sitting cross from him in a restaurant and planting the shoe in his crotch.

    I am very exact about the boots/shoes I pick for this type of play and when we hit a shoes department I’ll say

    “Okay babe, lets buy a new pair of shoes.”

    And he knows that means we are shopping for “trample play” shoes…and he’s like a silly puppy trying to find a hidden sausage treat. I’ve seen him break out in a cold sweat and start shivering……while digging thru shoes to find “just the right pair” that meets my requirement for the play and a pair that rocks his shoe/foot fetish.(On top of the fact..we are working the Fin Domme fantasy too)

    And he knows if I drag him into Hot Topics……we ARE looking for boots for trample play…and boy does he get silly!!

    If I were to assign the label “sadist” to anything I do…it would be this type of play because I can be pretty damned ornery teasing him out in public. He tells me I am sadist when I start tormenting and teasing him out in public….okay…that kinda of “sadism” I can live with…sort of a sensual sadist.

    But a sadist as in the stereotypical theme for BDSM erotica….nope…not me and not gonna happen, so I understand exactly what you mean.
    AND yes……..there is so much more to being a D/s couple than issuing or taking a pain, that is just a facet…….and as you pointed out…… isn’t for every couple
    Since we have managed to get on the same page about how the D/ should work between us a couple…..the sensuality between us and in our relationship has increased 100 fold.


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