Pondering email…..

It’s the email I get that had me scrambling to renew the blog for another year.

Even with my lack of discipline when it comes to blogging……I did have some discipline in keeping up with email from people who kept stumbling into my dormant blog.
I get emails telling me what I live at my place isn’t real FemDom, that I am a poser, not a “real and true” Domme.

It amusingly amazes me that 99% of the authors of these emails have a feminine moniker and 99.9% I always doubt the one at the key board is female. The more venomous and vitriolic they are…the more I suspect a very unhappy man is behind the words.

I always wonder: Why do they think I will be somehow MORE influenced if it is a female spitting the venom?Do I come across as the kind of person who would be worried about what my own gender thinks of my thoughts on the FemDom lifestyle? Or is this the S.O.P. of attack for anyone who won’t march to the S.O.P. of (the cash cow talking points)FemDom?

Here’s a clue…you want to write to me and rip me a new one for not following the S.O.P. of (the cash cow) FemDom internet world…..be my guest….your gender doesn’t matter to me….you all get the same treatment…….it’s called “using the delete key”.

I get emails from guys telling me about their FemDom D/s relationships that read like the standard FemDom porn script. Often they end with the author asking me what I think. Frankly I have a hard time taking these emails serious. What I think is simply….…they need to get out of the basement and get a life.

If the above examples of email were the only kind I got…I would have shut the blog down ages ago. I can be an emotional masochist, but I have no interest in being abused to entertain strangers.

The emails that keep me…keeping the blog funded…are the emails I get from wives and girlfriends who are trying to make some sense of what their partner has just dropped in their lap. Along with the ones from husbands and boyfriends who are trying to figure out how to express their interest in D/s with scaring the hell out of their partner…or trying to find a way to undo the damage they did in the process of expressing their interest.

These emails……always tug at the emotional masochist in me…the part of me that thinks:

“What if I can say something that will help? How can I turn my back on this person if I can say even just ONE thing…that might help? What if I hadn’t found a mentor…a touch stone, back when I was dying slowly on the inside because everything that mattered to me was being ripped apart by one single part of the man I love and adore? And I was watching it tear him to pieces and that was causing some of the slow death I was feeling inside.

What if—what if—what if……..”

The “what if” factor is what keeps the emotional masochist funding the blog.

It’s not been that long ago…..I was the one, the house wife, mother, woman……. hoping I would find something that was real and applicable to my own world to stop the insanity of influences that didn’t feel real or applicable….to my life…to who I am as a person.

I don’t know if I can make a difference.

Frankly I’m not here because I think I can.
I’m here…………..

Just in case I can.