Pondering a single email…..
The “what if/just in case” factor in play.
I have decided to not answer this one privately. I don’t think I have much to say to the author that he is going to like…..but in the vein of “just in case” I am going to address the crux of the email.
The writer didn’t think I would remember him. It’s been a couple of years…..but I do remember. I remember because there was a flurry of email exchanges in a very short time frame. The emails came from both his wife and him. The answers they got came from both Monssieur Notasub and me.
He wanted her to understand what he was asking for……..understand his interest in BDSM…she was doing her best to understand something that scared the holy hell out of her.
I directed her emails to Monssieur Notasub…because she needed to talk to the “root” of the matter. She needed to talk to a man who did think like the man who was gutting her.
She needed a man like her man…to tell her…the problem wasn’t her. She needed a man like her man…to tell her man…..she was trying…that him pushing her….. wasn’t going to make her dominant much less foster an interest in BDSM .
That…….. what his pushing would do…..would send her into retreat.
It used to boggle my mind at how often the history of these couples…read like our own. Now days…it doesn’t boggle my mind.
It just makes me wonder if banging my head on the proverbial
“It’s not her it is YOU”
wall…………………..really makes a difference.
So anyway…..watch the emotional masochist *bang head on wall* just in case.
After the flurry of emails…..a bit of “base touch” touching…….we never heard from either one again.
Right after I posted the Discipline blog……I heard from him.
I have had to sit and think for a bit about if I wanted to respond…and if I did…what I would say.
The crux of the newest email:
He and his wife divorced…..decided they needed to find partners better suited to their own natures. He has now met a woman he wants to introduce to the FemDom lifestyle. He’s had her read my blog and he wanted to know if I would talk to her……the way I did with his ex-wife. Okay…I gotta say…..my mind is a bit boggled here. What was said to his ex-wife apparently didn’t help him get what he was after……. last go round….so why would he think it would this go round?
I am going to say something here that won’t go over well with the email author and possibly even with my readers:
The words predator/manipulator keep popping into my head every time I sit and think about this.
I have a lot of questions bouncing around in my head.
Why didn’t you….…when you had a second chance to seek a partner with shared interests…..do just that?
Why didn’t you seek out a woman who has an innate BDSM interest in being the BDSM “Domme” to your BDSM “sub”?
In the email flurry……you mentioned you wanted your ex-wife to go to munches to meet other kinksters.
You knew where to go….to find people who share your interests….so why not head to that group for a potential new partner?
My guess….would be…you did and nothing suited your tastes because you’re not looking for a women who has an intrinsic disposition as a sexual dominant. This kind of woman probably wouldn’t suit your needs because your needs are more about Building A Domme…rather than adapting to a dominant…….as a submissive. You are preying on women you can manipulate into being the type of Domme you want. You’re not as much interested in serving……. as you are in being serviced.
There’s my answer.
You said your girlfriend is reading my blog……..and you asked if she emailed me…if I would discuss things with her the way I did with your ex. Sure……… she can email me……I’ll discuss anything she wants……but I won’t discuss it with her the way I did your ex……..I’ll say to her what I should have said to your ex:
Run…do not walk… Run…….and get away from this joker.
The Suburban Domme 
We follow patterns in relationships. Odds are, he has a ‘type’ even if he doesn’t recognize it (we all want to think each of our special someones is a unique snowflake, but let’s face it: when they fall out of the sky and land on your tongue, they taste pretty damn similar), so it’s likely/highly probable that what he’s attracted to *in* a woman – in real life – is completely at odds with what he wants *from* a woman in fantasyland.
But you can’t turn a horse into a pegasus, no matter how hard you try. And pasting wings on its flanks is not going to make it fly through the air.
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Obviously your time away from your blog hasn’t diminished both your wit and wisdom. Welcome back. For whatever it may be worth, your advice and opinion, in my humble opinion, is spot on.
It was you that allowed me to be able to formulate the words i need to conjure up in order to reveal my desires to be in a loving FLM in the first place. it was your blog that was the first place I suggested she read after she accepted me as her acknowledge submissive husband. It was the usual scenario …. husband wallowing in fantasyland, initially conjuring up porn-fueled images of how a true FLM would be like. During that process I knew that I didn’t just want the occasional “session”, as if Mistress K. would be able to turn it on and off like a switch. I knew that I needed to be able to visualize what a true 24/7 lifestyle would be like (suburban like yours, with young kids in the house) and most importantly I knew that in order for it to work, she would have to be able to truly get the pleasures of life from our (then proposed) lifestyle that weren’t possible in a vanilla life. For that alone, i will always be grateful to you!
Finding the words to be able to explain it to her initially was a little difficult, but far less so with the help of your blog.
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A long time ago, I met a couple at a play party(?) at an American Legion hall. They were a little younger than me but I learned that they had a long kink relationship. They were probable married. I was telling them that I was ‘exploring’ ‘the scene’ and that my marriage was a mess and had been since we first married a few years before. I was there without my wife. They said with care, “This is not worth screwing up your marriage for.” That has stuck in my mind ever since. My marriage did end a few years later, for many reasons, not the least of which was my immaturity in relationships (but not all me – damn it!). It took getting divorced for us to open up to each other, for me to begin to consider how I really behaved and what it meant. It may be crazy, but my ex-wife and I are friends and we’ve traveled together many years as a divorced ‘couple’ because of our commitment to our family and it turns out because our commitment to each others’ welfare. Maybe because we are decent people but at least one of us has to work really hard on relationship stuff. And, maybe something that I cannot articulate.
You talk about honesty in relationships a lot, suburbandomme. The more honest and open I have been in relationships – any kind – the more interesting and pleasant they have been for both my partners and me, even though I find it excruciating at times. Some of us are just fucked up in some ways, but some of us learn and stop making excuses, at least fewer excuses, and learn some more.
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