Life in the hammer lane

We are on the road and I wish it was because we got to take a vacation.

We don’t do “vacation”…….they are built into the “load up—– we have to head out” insanity of the business we own. We are on short term assignment, living out of suit cases and day-to-day waiting to head to another spot.
Life has had a lot of changes in it for us in the last five or six weeks and my brain isn’t cooperating with me when it comes time to sit down and write anything for the blog realm.

I’m trying to help Eargasm guy battle demons……long distance….. while keeping Monssieurnotasub from blowing work related gaskets.

I’m the poster child for “a house divided” right now……constantly juggling two sets of emotions that go with the responsibilities of being part of a “couple”….but being that part…in two different coupled up situation……on top of juggling commitments I have to other people who matter in my world.

There are very few moments of clarity for me right now.

It’s all pretty much flying by the seat of my pants and hoping like hell I’m not short-changing people who count on me.

We are about to make some huge changes in our married life…that are going to effect that other guy that got drawn into our marriage by way of the cuck kink. We have a third person who has to be considered and accounted for as we make the choices we make as a couple.

The changes are based on the fact it is time for us to retire…..we are ready to move on to that part of our life.

I was astounded by a choice Monssieurnotasub has made that will continue to allow me to have an easy access to me secondary partner. Maybe you have to be in the circumstances to see the bizarreness of making life choices based on a third-party who really was never intended to be part of the decision process in a marriage. We make concession and adjustments for other all the time….but these others are our kids……not my fuck buddy.

Can anyone see how bizarre it is that my husband is making life choices by factoring in how they affect MY FUCK BUDDY.

Right now…..I’m walking around, functioning —- in a surreal —-almost catatonic state as I go about helping my husband put things in motion to move into the next chapter of our life….and watching him try to balance the needs of two people….not just his life partner who has stuck with him thru thick and thin…..….because of his kinky nature.

I told him a few nights ago…..

Even after all these years I can’t get my head around how he can carry the burden of his kinky nature without it crushing him.

He told me…

He can’t get his head around not being kinky….so he has to be looking for ways to make sure his kinky nature doesn’t do us in as a couple. He has to be thinking three steps ahead to make sure he isn’t crushing me under the weight of his kinky nature. Right now part of the steps to making sure it doesn’t crush me is to make sure I don’t crush the other man because of choices he has to make as my husband.

Yeah….if your eyes are spinning and all that made even your hair hurt…try living in it.