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“Head on my shoulders” space.

by on April 19, 2013

Here’s the problem with that; to do that means I have to mix sensations with horny that are corrosive, I guess you could call them mood killers for being horny.  As long as I stay in a head space that keeps me aroused  and don’t let the other thoughts and feelings get in the way of horny when I think  about what she is doing, there no room for jealousy or insecurity to be in the mix. That immense feeling of arousal can always override any undesirable feelings. Staying aroused, staying in that “head space” keeps other feelings from surfacing. I spend a lot of time finding thoughts to keep the stimulation growing. The one thing I don’t think about is the fact that throughout the time he is with my wife, they are doing things other than having sex. I don’t want to them to stop having sex to do other things because then she becomes more to him then a body to hop in bed with. She becomes the woman I love. That part of what she does with him, yes it bothers me. I didn’t anticipate sharing that part of her. I didn’t expect any other man to get to know the woman I am in love with.
She is an amateur aficionado of “weird history”. She likes to go wandering through turn of the century grave yards, looking at tombstones. She’s particularly fascinated by post-Revolutionary and Civil war grave yards and museums. The area we are in right now, specifically the area she is in with him right now, is full of Revolutionary and Civil war history. I know today, at some point, he will be the one doing this with her. This is one of the things that made me fall even more in love with her, the crazy way she goes about digging thru history looking for the “not so obvious text book” history. We drove eight hours to see where Billy the Kid used to “hang out”. That trip with her was one of the best trips I have ever had with her. I don’t like the idea he gets to share that part of her. That part of her is mine. One of the trips she took with him was to a place where she’d bugged me to go with her, but I kept putting her off because I wasn’t all that keen on going. I asked her if she asked him to go, if she did it to make a point to me. She said no, it wasn’t her idea, he surprised her with the trip because he knew about her “interest” and figured she would enjoy going. That wasn’t a good moment as a cucked man.

She’s a pretty good shade tree mechanic and she helps him often by working on his car. I thought I was the only guy who would ever do things like that with her. We share an interest in vehicle modification and for me; she is at her sexiest best when she is in a pair of cuts off jeans, a T-shirt, hair stuffed in a ball cap, cigarette clamped between her teeth and grease on her face. The fact he gets to see this part of her, be with this part of her, bothers me. I want to punch him out for spending time with her like that.

She’s not a morning person but that is when she is at her more loveable. Early mornings she is a klutz and a grouch but something about that part of her is easy to deal with because of the funniness that comes from these traits. I thought I would be the only man who got to start his day with a goofy laugh at the goof she is in the morning. I want to punch him for getting to share in this part of her.

I wanted the full cuckold experience  like the stories. I wanted to be the husband forced to watch then clean up. I wanted to be there and see it hear it and be humiliated by it and then I wanted him to get up and leave. I was willing to share her body, not her soul. I was eager to share my sex partner; I didn’t consider I’d be sharing my wife.

My God, I had no idea I could be so confoundedly trite and corny. This is as far as I want to go with this right now. Right now this isn’t feeling therapeutic, I’ll feel more comfortable writing on this subject when she’s home because there is always a part of me that worries if she will come home. I know how hard it is to be married to me. I know when it comes to sex, with-him, for-her, it-is-easy. He doesn’t make the demands on her I make. He just wants to be with her, he doesn’t want anything other than that from her. She’s not one to mince her words and she is candid with me about this. She isn’t cruel but she is matter of fact.

I know I can say stop any time. I have always had the ultimate veto power on this part of our life. I know for a fact if I told her I couldn’t do this anymore she would put an end to all of it, with both men. I can’t. I won’t. Not because I enjoy the arousal high but because I was such an asshole about her doing this, pushing her to give me what I wanted, the fact I didn’t get it my way when she did it and telling her she can’t do it I anymore would make the a guy I couldn’t live with and wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t want to live with me anymore. To ask her to stop would probably be the most insufferable selfish thing I could do. I got what I asked for, the fact I didn’t get it my way isn’t a reason to take something away from her.   I don’t kid when I say “Be careful what you wish for.”

20 Comments
  1. KATHY permalink

    THANK YOU FOR THIS POST. I DO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.DURING THE WAR I TOLD MY HUSBAND TO GO AHEAD AND HAVE SEX WITH A WOMEN,THAT I KNEW HE WOULD NEED A RELEASE OF STRESS,BUT DO NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH HER,THAT KIND OF THING MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL,F… HER,BUT DON’T TALK TO HER !
    I DON’T THINK I COULD RISK IT NOW.

    Like

    • Maybe I should tell her she can “screw his brains out but no talking or kissing or going to museums and auto parts stores”? She would be fine until she heard “no”; hearing the word “no” when it comes to the kink, from me, never goes over very well because when I use the word no more than likely I am picking and choosing, trying to orchestrate how she will be the dominant.

      Like

      • KATHY permalink

        WE BOTH KNOW THAT WOULDN’T WORK,IT IS THE REASON I CAN NOT GO THERE
        IT TAKES SOME SOFT LOVING FROM A CARING MAN,AN ALPHA WHO IS STRONGER THEN ME IN A PROTECTIVE WAY FOR MY LEGS TO OPEN TO HIM,THAT IS WHY I CAN NOT GO THERE,BUT I CAN NOT TALK FOR YOUR LOVE,SHE IS STRONGER THEN ME.IT IS HARD FOR WOMEN,NOT ALL…TO DO AS YOU ASK OF US,IT TAKES SOME GUTS TO GET THERE,IT IS NOT OUR NATURE.IT IS NOT THE ACT OF ASKING US TO DO IT,IT IS THE PAIN IT TAKES FOR US TO GET THERE,AND WHAT WE MUST DO TO MAKE IT WORK.YOU CAN NOT CHANGE IT NOW.

        Like

  2. “I was eager to share my sex partner; I didn’t consider I’d be sharing my wife.”

    THIS!

    This is very common. And it’s the thing I understand the least. Because if you know your wife, you know her requirements and her preferences and her proclivities. You know that needs a mental connection before she will consider a physical one. So why wouldn’t the FIRST consideration be that you would be sharing your wife? THAT is what I do not understand.

    Sigh…

    Sorry, I don’t mean to be L’il Miss Shouty Pants.

    I’m really trying to ‘get it’. I love that you’re writing this out. I appreciate your willingness to let me ping-pong about in your skull. I recognize that I ask uncomfortable questions, and I realize that in all likelihood, none of this was easy for you to share.

    So thank you.

    Sincerely, thank you.

    This entire entry was incredibly revealing. And, speaking for myself, I found it to be quite helpful in understanding some of the ‘WTF?!?’ things that have come out of my partner’s mouth.

    I’ll be back. Need to let this simmer for a bit…

    (((Hugs)))

    Like

    • You’re welcome. And thank you for the hug. I am glad it made some kind of sense to you. It may sound flakey, possibly like a cop out but I work in a career field that is absolute black and white. That is my comfort zone. I can do the same thing with my kinks. What I do is compartmentalize the emotions. Those aren’t my words, Serendipity tells me this is what I do and I can’t say she’s wrong. As long as I focus on just the cuck fetish everything is inside my comfort zone. When I think about the fact what I have really done is had the most important thing in my life to another man, I am at a loss for words to explain how I can do it as long as I don’t think about what I have really done.

      I am so far out of my comfort zone trying to put the emotions about all this in words I am concerned I will end up confusing others, rather than being helpful. There are so many things that are direct conflicts in what I think and feel. I can blow all the conflicts off by staying in the fantasy aspect of the cuck fetish.

      As for her nature and how she would add something like this to our marriage, I knew it, but it got in the way of the fantasy so I chose to pretend if she ever did do it she would do it my way. I chose that because I never really thought she would go through with it. Now here it is in black and white and I can’t think about it unless I think about it as the “cucked slave being forced to let her do as she wants”, even thought none of this would be in my life if I hadn’t asked for it. I know she would have never consider cucking me if I hadn’t asked her to. I know it just based on her moral structure. Now we aren’t so black and white and now I am feeling like I want to just get lost in the fantasy. This is what Serendipity calls the “sit and spin of life” being activated. We may all need some Dramamine soon.

      You are my wife’s doppelgänger, I have a feeling trying to stay inside a comfort zone around you is like trying to stay in one around her; it would be easier to walk a tight rope in a typhoon. 😉

      I have to say; being pushed out of my comfort zone is what got me to really see what my fetishist nature was doing to her and to our relationship. It’s not excruciating to discuss it, but it’s not pleasant but that “unpleasant part” that keeps me from reverting back to my old ways of being too pushy and demanding. The uncomfortable part is more that it is hard to figure out how to write down emotions because they aren’t black and white.

      Like

  3. “I chose that because I never really thought she would go through with it.”

    How long did it take you to admit this?

    Like

    • Probably about the time she dragged my best friend (guy number three) into the stable. I realized then, not only was she going to do it, but she was going to do it her way and it was time for me to stop wishing she would do it my way, get real and stop kidding myself about the fact I had any control over who, what or how she would use the cuck fetish. Or I guess better to say the only control I would have is to ask her to not do it, at all.

      Like

  4. You look so cute outside your comfort zone. 😉

    Like

  5. Aaaaannnd…

    I’m back.

    I’m also in an analytical mood, and let’s just say… The gloves are off.

    Um, you might want to prepare yourself. Gird your loins and whatnot.

    *

    ‘Kayso, first: “I have to mix sensations with horny that are corrosive, I guess you could call them mood killers for being horny. As long as I stay in a head space that keeps me aroused and don’t let the other thoughts and feelings get in the way of horny when I think about what she is doing, there no room for jealousy or insecurity to be in the mix.”

    Let’s dissect this, shall we?

    And Monssieur Notasub replies with a submissive nod… “We shall.” 😉

    Corrosive mood-killer for horny = Thinking in a logical, intellectual manner and discussing the realistic logistics of the fantasy.

    Constantly aroused headspace = NOT THINKING space.

    So the way I’m interpreting these words = “I want to live in fantasyland and not deal with the reality of the situation.”

    *

    Next: “I don’t want to them to stop having sex to do other things because then she becomes more to him then a body to hop in bed with.”

    The fact that you would ever consider your wife ~ on ANY level ~ to be just “a body to hop in bed with” makes NO SENSE. At best, it’s wildly contradictory. At worst, it’s objectification of a woman. And at the VERY worst, it’s the wildly contradictory objectification of THE WOMAN YOU LOVE.

    Essentially, you are saying that you want her to be HER but only with you. In order for her to meet YOUR cuck fetish fantasy, you expect her to not only NOT be herself, but also to be “just a body”. Which is whore-ifying, to say the least.

    Head-Desk-THUNK.

    *

    Oh, I’m not done.

    Breathe, Monssieur. I’m not picking on you. Honestly, I’m not. And I appreciate that you’re willing to talk about this. Reading it from someone else’s keyboard ~ someone with whom I am *not* in a vested relationship ~ helps my understanding immensely.

    *

    Moving on!

    You said, “I know I can say stop any time. I have always had the ultimate veto power on this part of our life.”

    You’re damned lucky she gives you any say AT ALL. The fact that you have “veto” power means not only do you have a helluvalot of say… You have the FINAL say. Frankly, I hope you are counting your lucky stars that Serendipity grants you that privelage, and that she’s a strong enough woman to NOT turn her real self off when she’s with her other lovers, and that she’s doing all of this FOR YOU.

    I’d recommend you kiss her feet when she gets home…

    But I know she hates that. 😉

    *

    Allllllrighty then!

    Since Serendipity is a mechanic, and such an awesome Domme…

    And since you’ve been such a good sport…

    I found this on YouTube and thought of you (or rather, I thought of Madame McKink):

    (((Hugs))) ~ Again. 😉

    How’s THAT for tight-rope walking in a typhoon?

    Like

    • Quote:
      I’d recommend you kiss her feet when she gets home…

      But I know she hates that.
      ——————————-
      Maybe that should be:

      “Because I know she hates it”?

      BUUWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
      He has kinda earned a red haired wild kangaroo kick in the guts…maybe??????

      (Laughing my ass OFF here………I hope he doesn’t see this until he is home…so I can see the look on his face as he reads it!!!!!! )

      Like

    • To give me an excuse to kick him * snort* 😛 😉

      Like

    • I didn’t get to watch him read this…..but I know he read it…because right before he headed to the shower after another craptastic day of dealing with a work headache he said

      “ I am going to leave my loin-girder on the bed…
      I think it needs washed before I try to walk the tight rope in the typhoon”.

      😛 😛 😛 😛

      Like

      • Baaa-ha-ha-ha-ha! 😀

        I feel like I should come with a warning label.

        WARNING: Playing with The Feve may cause snort-choke-laughing fits and overuse of loin girders. Proceed at your own risk.

        It’s too damn bad you two are on the opposite side of the universe. You’d be a helluva lot of fun to play with in real life.

        Muah!

        :: meanders off to the closet to try on stilettos ::

        Like

  6. OPPPSIIE
    *hands Lady Feve a roll of super duty paper towels*

    UMMMM…..do you know I found our they make condoms for keyboards?

    I kinda found it out …….after I ruined three key boards in under a year…cuz I snort coffee and ice ta on mine way to much.
    (Tho M.’s first idea was to slip my whole lap top in a clear trash bag)

    Like

  7. One of the reasons we have been able to survive the whole mess of his kinks turning our relationship upside down is the fact that at some point…one of us managed to find our funny bone again.

    Now days…he keeps his “funny bone” fully exposed when the topic is in play because he knows:

    *He sorta earned/deserves being taken to task for the fact he went about the whole process of asking/trying to get what he was craving….. in such a shoddy way.

    *He’s grateful that with the help of others…he got what he asked for…without doing me in.

    Like

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Alrighty then! | The Suburban Domme
  2. Stepping out on the tight-rope. | The Suburban Domme
  3. Polycuckoldry or is it Cuckoldrypoly or just plain ‘ol Fuckinfuckery? | The Suburban Domme

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The Suburban Domme Living with a (semi) submissive man

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