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More questions….

by on April 15, 2013



Always—always more questions!

Why does it seem like as soon as we think we have a clue…

The clue leads us to another set of questions?


I’ve said before I don’t read chick or erotica type lit….doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally trip over something in that vein that strikes my fancy….but for the most part I read thrillers, mysteries and nonfiction.

But…..when it comes (cums?) to the stuff that I use for fiddle fodder……I am a joy juice junkie for cowboy or wise guy (mob type) themes.

The weirdest thing I’ll even own up to…

I still watch reruns of Bonanza……and my crush on that show…that goes wwwwaaaaayyyy back into my first memories of having a crush and “feeling funny” down there…is Hoss Cartwright. When other girls were swooning over Adam and Little Joe…I was crushin on Hoss HARD.


I nicked my husband “Hoss” shortly after we got married…….long story for another time…LOL.

He doesn’t look a thing like Hoss(outside the damn intense blue eyes)…he looks a lot like John Travolta……thank gawd *snarky snort here* he aged better than Travolta!!


MY PORN..isn’t ummm “porn”.

*giggle snort*

Cowboys and Wise guys.

The movie Casino…..yumm….

Ray Litoa in GoodFellas…..OHH HOLY SHIT……

(Nope…not any of the Godfather movies….have yet to watch one all the way thru…LOL….just can’t get into them)

The recent TV show “Vegas”…

OMGOMGOMGOMGO*M*GAWWWWDDDD!!!!!!………..has me frothing on both ends! I’ll pounce on any one of them Lamb boys and make them beg for MY mercy…..…just give me ONE chance!!! Vincent…yeah I’d love to wrangle that Alpha bluster right out of him.

I have lost count of how many times I have watched the mini series “Lonesome Dove” Gus and Capn’ Call.mmmmmmmm.



Yeah no secret now …..

I got a soft (sticky-wet) spot for men who swagger Alpha.

 I have had a LONG STANDING fantasy of domming Tony Soprano (no not James Gandolfini— just the character ) ……I had that fantasy long before I had any idea of what being a “Fem  Domme” is.

And Michael Imperioli (Christopher) makes my teeth sweat!!!

If that man knew what my fantasies about him were…he’d probably take out a restraining order that mandates I stay two states away from him (or maybe not…a girl can dream ya know  😉 )

Same goes for Christopher Noth.



As far back as I can recall…my fantasies have always been me “topping” a man the world sees as the “stereotypical rat bastard misogynistic” kinda of Alpha.

Over the years it has included a lot of men that I know in my world….who have a lot of Alpha swagger in their step.

The biz we own and my non kinky hobbies have me moving in worlds that are full of Alpha  swaggering types.

My fantasies never involve the “corporal whips-chains and all-them-thangs” side of the BDSM spectrum….. nor are they “sadistically bent”……they are more along the lines of slow, steady  sensuously wearing them down with tempting, teasing and seduction…driving them to the point of begging me to finish what I started, putting them at the mercy of ME.

I do this to my husband…

I had NO IDEA how hard it was for him…….

And had no idea how much I agitated his domination fetish with the way I did tease him…and what really confused me is the more aggressive I got…the more docile he got and THAT drove me bonkers because I don’t WANT docile!

I would get so frustrated because I thought  he was losing interest.

What I didn’t know…understand……..was he was drifting into sub space” because his own fantasies took what I was doing to him and had me doing what he craved. We spent a lot of time angry with each other…because we didn’t understand each other in our own “human—just flat out—human nature” forget trying to sort out the mish mash of adding our carnal natures to the mix.


I am by nature….dominant and aggressive….forget the “kink aspect”…… I don’t need the title or the kink aspect to be dominant. I was a “Domme” long before I had the lingo and info or applied that part of who I am to the kinky aspects of my husband’s carnal nature.


Even in his “Alpha swaggering”…he is always beta….to MY Alpha.

That inherent beta nature….is both a blessing and a curse…well it was a curse….. until I started understanding it…as in comprehending it.

Now that I “get it”…well most of “whom” he is in his beta nature toward me as his Alpha and as a kinkster…….sssooooooooooo many things make sense.

(There’s always going to be parts of him I don’t understand/comprehend…but I can understand/empathize…with him……A*N*D vice versa.)

Now days…he gets what I need to stay aroused and want to keep playing kinky with him…now days he stays in the game with me and lets me lead him to a place we both want to be instead of flaking out on me and dropping into his fantasy world and leaving me isolated in the middle of play.

It IS work for him to do this…..because he has to fight the urge to just zone out and go to that “happy place of being dommed the way he wants” over how I wish for it to be. I DO let him go there…but not until I am ready for him to.

I can work with beta……..I can’t work with lethargic….no matter what cause the lethargy…he has to put staying with me………giving me what I want…… ahead of falling off into his own head(s) space and going docile…..until I am ready for him to go there.

{ Side note: HIM making the choice to give up porn…cold turkey for  few months…..had a really drastic –GOOD drastic—effect on his ability to stay with me and let me write  and direct the fantasy as opposed to him going to the scripts he’d already written in his own head(s). …or had been put there via the porn he was using.}


One of the reasons I keep guy #2 …eargasm guy around…is because EVEN in surrender he isn’t docile. He doesn’t just flip on his back and capitulate and wait for me to move or dictate his moves. He knows how to put up a mental and physical struggle without putting up a fight. He is always alert and engaged as I am putting him thru the paces …in and out of bed…as my guy. He knows when and where and HOW to do what I crave…without waiting for me to indicate what I want…..waiting for me to “Domme” him into being an active participant…he anticipates me to the point it is damned spooky at times.

I am always baffled by the fact he is adamant that he is not submissive in any way…but he is so much better at being the “submissive form” I crave…….then the man who is trying to convince me he can be the submissive I want.

SO uummmmmmm….

A re-read of what all came out as verbal typed vomit…in one stream of thought…..a re-read thru to see what I said ( *snort*)

Has me now…thinking out loud at my keyboard:

*insert cartoon like bubble here*

Could it be guy #2 isn’t caught up in the “preconceived ideas” of what D/s is……he doesn’t crave it…so he doesn’t obsess over HOW it should be?

He rolls with what I am……..who I am…and loves every moment of it and comes back for more every chance he can…… as a dominant aggressive woman because he has no predetermined idea of what he wants in a “Domme” or hell he doesn’t WANT  a Domme he just wants an aggressive woman with sexy ear lobes ?

Could it be…the one who screams “I am not submissive”….has a better capacity to just BE submissive…because….ummm

* blink-blink*–scratching head*

Why…. because????

Things that make ya go….


(Fodder for mind candy on the tread mill……anyone who has an idea to toss in here…..PLEASE DO!!)

From → Amplifications

  1. “…..caught up in the “preconceived ideas” of what D/s is……he doesn’t crave it…so he doesn’t obsess over HOW it should be…..”

    Preconceived notions can jack things up, can’t they? There’s a huge difference between a person fitting themselves to a label and a label just naturally fitting a person.

    And what a person kinks to in terms of porn… Well, I think porn can jack things up pretty spectacularly, but to each their own. It’s pretty well banned from my domicile though, and that’s a Good Thing.


  2. QUOTE:
    There’s a huge difference between a person fitting themselves to a label and a label just naturally fitting a person.


    And I’m still mulling the rest of this…….I see more Jello in our future 😉


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