Skip to content

Quote: Collar?

by on April 8, 2013

~~~~~~That was what I wrote down.

There seems to be more to this than as a symbol, D/s version of a wedding ring, prop to get Dom and sub into role.

However, not sure what to ask.~~~~~~

The following is what I know about collars and collaring… explained to me……. by a woman who has been a lifestyle FemDom for about 30 years.

There are many forms of collars/ protocols. The protocol for what the collar means to the ones involved is negotiated before the collar is accepted by the person who will wear it.

By no means is this “an end all be all” proclamation of the BDSM Collar process.


Collars can made of all kinds of material…it’s more the term used for a type of adornment worn around the neck by the “s”. The collars are a visual demonstration of the type of relationship the D and s have agreed to. It can be an actual collar, a ribbon, a chain…that has been selected by the D for the s to wear. There are companies that specialize in creating one of a kind collars for couples interested in something unique.

Protection Collar:

Worn by a submissive or slave who is without a Master or Dominant. A “Collar of protection” allows them to participate in BDSM events such as munches without fear of being used or abused. In the case of an owned sub or slave, the protection collar assures their owner’s requirements are respected when they cannot be with the sub. The sub isn’t “owned” by the one who offers the collar of protection; it is more a promise to help the sub, offer friendship and counsel as they look for a new owner, or their owner isn’t with them.

Collar of Consideration/Training Collar:
Each one, a separate collar with its own meaning; both along the lines of an engagement ring given when the Dominant is “courting” someone for ownership. The collar lets others know the sub is being considered for ownership by a dominant and isn’t available.

Collar of Ownership:
Comparable to a wedding ring; given to a sub or slave when Dominant chooses to “own” the sub and is seen in conjunction with a long-term relationship that may have a contract or agreement in place. This collar holds the same significance as any “binding coupledom agreement”. There is intent to form a long term bond between D and s when an ownership collar is offered and accepted. It’s not uncommon for this collar to be given to the sub during a ceremony, private or public.

Velcro Collar:
A slang term for using collars and the process of collaring with the intent of “hook up play” and many in the lifestyle find the habit of “Velcro collaring” upsetting. It is disrespectful to the ones who see the collars as a passage from couple exploring……. to a couple who made a conscious choice to be committed to each other for richer and poor, in sickness and in health , for better or worse..til death do they part.
Velcro collaring Dom/Domme types are …….well…..jerks….plain and simple. They prey on emotionally vulnerable individuals. Hetero male bottoms out number Hetero female tops……. by lord……100 to one….probably isn’t an exaggeration. I’ve noticed on the FemDom side of things there’s a certain type of woman who trolls FemDom sites offering collars like candy for the attention that comes with being able to offer a collar as a dominant.
They have no intent of pursuing a long term relationship with the subs who line up to be considered for a collar and in the end these women end up hurting the subs emotionally thus increasing the count of walking wounded in the world….they are pretty much attention whores who aren’t so much BDSM inclined…they just stumbled into a world that has a boat load of men hoping to meet “Mrs. Right”.

For the record…men don’t have the corner market on being predators in any part of the world we live in.


A whole other soap box stomp…for another time…suffice to say:
I’d like to wipe this group off my cloud!!

The most important thing to keep in mind about Collars and the process of collaring is to the ones who abide by the collar concept of D/s…… as solemn and solid as any other method of being part of a devoted, long term relationship.

I know several people who chose to collar their partner as opposed to going the “ring and state approved license route” of being a committed couple. They see themselves as committed to the relationship as anyone who is married would.

One of the most amazing relationships I know of is based on Collaring and they both feel this process was right for them for the person they are in their inborn kink nature.
I’ve talked to people who were married before they added D/s to the relationship at a later date and they hold their collar in higher regard then they do their wedding ring.
I have four actual collars I use with my husband and a few pieces of jewelry that have the same significance as his “at home collars”……he can wear out in public. He knows what each one means and when they are out for him to put on he knows what I have in mind and the collar de jour…helps him shift into the “mind set” of being whatever he needs to be as a submissive for what I have in mind.
It’s all been “pre negotiated”……and doing it this way feeds his urge to be “forced” into submission and it allows me to be comfortable with the idea of “forcing him” because we both know up front what is going on. He gets to keep his “slave” fantasy intact and I get to keep my sanity when it comes to acquiring the skills I need to stroke his BDSM urges.

From → Monkey Mosh-Pit

  1. And there is a difference between someone who *is* collared and a person who is wearing/utilizing a collar for a specific type of play. Many couples do not grok the formalized D/s structure as established by “The BDSM Community”, but utilize bondage gear as part of their play within their own four walls, and that can include the use of (matching, even!) collar and cuffs. Utilizing a collar as a tool for bondage does not mean the one wearing a collar has *been* collared.

    If that makes sense.


    • This is why I’m glad I got a “Fever” 😉

      Good point…… just as ring on the left hand ring finger doesn’t automatically mean a person is married….. a collar doesn’t mean someone is owned or even someone who is into BDSM.

      I have two different necklace style-chokers that look like sub styled collars……I had a good “good hearted laugh” when I found what collaring is to people who are in the lifestyle. Wondered how often someone saw me wearing one of the necklaces and thought I was sub……and thought about how
      “Damn looks can be ssssooooooo deceiving”. 😉


Leave a Reply to The Suburban Domme Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

The Suburban Domme

The Suburban Domme Living with a (semi) submissive man

Miss Pearl

Non-professional perspective femdom & kink, with awesome erotica.

E.T. Enter Tangentially

Cross Words raise your blood pressure, Crosswords raise your vocabulary

Temperature's Rising

Still hot. (It just comes in flashes now.)

%d bloggers like this: