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Don’t eat the cat food. Check.

by on March 27, 2013

 

Yep……. I blatantly plagiarized Mrs. Fever for a topic title.

Why?

Well for one thing that statement…….left in the comment section of “Labels are” blog post………….. made me laugh out loud.

The other thing that struck me when I read her comment:

“Well duuuuuhhhh….it really is that simple!” 😉  🙂

I’m not so doltish to think, to be aware of the fact…..labeling does have an ugly down side.

I know  they tend to have preconceived notion attached……

and often labels carry stigmas that can cause mild hurt feelings to blow ups that devastate people.

As I sat and pondered all the rampant thoughts racing thru my head when I walked away from the first posting….…I remembered having a conversation with an acquaintance who told me I had no right to speak out on topics like labels for or against……….or have an opinion on sexual based discrimination because I’d never suffered that fate of such heinous things.

?HUHSAYDOWHAT?

For starters how did she know I haven’t been on the receiving end of the damage labels can do….or ever been the victim of sexual discrimination?

Could it be because somehow the label “heterosexual white girl” makes me immune to such things?

(Following the bouncing ball:

I’m not so doltish to think, to be aware of the fact…..labeling does have an ugly down side.

I know  they tend to have preconceived notion attached…… and often labels carry stigmas that can cause mild hurt feelings to blow ups that devastate people.)

And FFS…….the “you can’t do that because you don’t know what it is like” line of thought chaps my ass.

HHHMMMMM..gee there’s logic.

*disgusted snort here*

I guess I can’t speak out on the atrocities of female circumcision because I still have my clitoris……or that I can’t grasp the horrors of war because I’ve never been in one as the defendant or the combatant…I could go on…but point made?

(AGAIN…just to make sure I make this clear…follow the bouncing ball:

I’m not so doltish to think, to be aware of the fact…..labeling does have an ugly down side.

I know they tend to have preconceived notion attached…… and often labels carry stigmas that can cause mild hurt feelings to blow ups that devastate people.

Am I making myself perfectly clear as in……. HD-Clear?)

So why bother with the subject matter?

Labels define us. The upside to this definition………..the ones who are looking for answers be it for their own personal reasons or just to get  better understanding of “people like us”……with labels these people can IDENTIFY with us or just identify us someone who can answer their questions.

To not own labels……. leaves us the mercy of the ones who would use the labeling to do damage and it leaves one who need help…….who need answers………. free-falling….. hoping…… maybe…….. they will spot some kind of sign that get where they need to be to get help.

My introduction to the FemDom lifestyle was not a pleasant one.

I am not a “hard wired for BDSM kinkster”……my BDSM kink nature is an acquired one because my husband is hard wired for BDSM kink.

Why would I try to acquire a kink?

I am kinda fond of him and I do enjoy sex with him and I want him to have a sex life he enjoys.

This meant I needed something to help me get a handle on what the FemDom BDSM lifestyle is about. He made some really stupid choices in the material he asked me “to look at to understand what he wanted”. There was nothing in the information I could “Identify with”….nothing I could relate to. Everything about the FemDom BDSM world he showed me made me uncomfortable. What really had me wanting to back away and tell him to go piss up a rope:

The women who labeled themselves “Fem Dommes” seemed plastic and one-dimensional.  They all seemed to be catering to the men who were “supposed to be the subs” they owned…..everything about what he was showing me……….. seemed to cater to a male centric  agenda/thought process and that’s a whole other can of worms for another time.

The point is the “labels” used in what I was looking at……as a strong willed, dominant aggressive (my favorite labels for myself) woman, there was nothing in them I could relate to.

It wasn’t until I found a place where the women identified “labeled” themselves with some depth……… that I could relate to, that I started getting comfortable with the concept od D/s FemDom and the BDSM aspect of my husband’s cravings.

When they labeled themselves as girlfriends, wives, moms, business women……..that meant they had Midol in their bathroom medicine cabinets, sinks that got stopped up, a purse that was overloaded and to heavy to carry because they had to keep up with the real world, they had bills laying on the kitchen counter and stains on their carpet, they had jobs to go to, parent teacher conference and kid drama that meant sometimes the rest of life comes to a screeching halt.

Those labels told me……they were like me…..they had a life beyond dungeons and play parties.

They had kids or a partner who drove them bat shit bonkers and days they just wanted to crawl back under the covers and not BE ……anything to anyone…..much less the “Domme”.

Those labels….

Girlfriend, Wife, Mom, I could relate and it made it easier to see myself using the labels they used when they did step in the “FemDom” persona they also  owned.

A short list of my labels:

Mom to three kids who should be “adults” but at 33, 27 and 19 they still have days they need Mom or Dad.

I am a wife, life partner to  man I adore.

I am a business woman who owns a business with my husband…….. who some days…….. ain’t the easiest person to be in business with.

All of those labels make up the woman who claims the label of “Fem Domme” around our place.

As a Fem Domme…… my labels are a BDSM player and a Poly man juggler thanks to a “label” my husband wanted…he wanted the label of cuck.

Another upside to owning our labels…..…if we own these labels sensibly, with accountability, we are working toward taking the power away from anyone who would use the labels with malicious intent.

So the moral of the story?

Not all labels are bad.

Labels  keep us from eating cat food

and help us find a people who we can relate to when we need to find some stable ground.

From → Amplifications

6 Comments
  1. I’m a vegetarian.

    What other people think this means:

    She hates meat-eaters!
    She only eats bird food.
    She must be skinny.
    She can’t possibly have enough protein in her diet.
    Gawd. We can’t invite *her* over for dinner. What the hell will we feed her?
    She must only eat salads.
    She’s weird.

    What this means to me:

    I choose not to eat meat or ingest meat by-products, including fish or seafood.
    I eat eggs and dairy products.
    I make dietary choices that are right for ME; I give a flying fuck what you shove down your gullet.
    I don’t eat very many vegetables, as I prefer fruits and grains.
    You don’t need to cook for me. I’ll cook for you, and you’ll be surprised how awesome it all tastes.
    I’ve never tasted bird food.
    Yes, I *am* weird. So are you. Get over it.

    My point? I wear a label that other people don’t understand, and I accept that. I *own* it. The negativity/what-the-fuck-ery of labels comes into play when OTHER people put labels on us that neither of us understand, or when the labels we wear are misinterpreted by the people who are READING the labels.

    Like

    • I am a “meat eater”……but I don’t it eat on an everyday basis.

      Awhile back…….out to lunch with friends….I ordered a veggie Panini and someone said
      “Oh my god, have you gone Vegan?” The look on her face was just…UGH.

      I couldn’t help myself …..
      I said
      “Have you gone stupid?”

      Not one of my prouder moments.

      I was in a grumpy mood and she irritated me…. if she had known what she was talking about…..understood the term (label) vegan……she wouldn’t have asked me if I’d gone “vegan”…..she’d have known a vegan wouldn’t have touched the sandwich I ordered.

      I did get my wits about me and explained no…I just liked the sandwich…and then explained vegetarian and vegan to her.

      Quote:
      ~The negativity/what-the-fuck-ery of labels comes into play when OTHER people put labels on us that neither of us understand, or when the labels we wear are misinterpreted by the people who are READING the labels.~

      Hear here

      Like

  2. Growing up anyone who lived in a trailer was “trailer trash” or “poor white trash” it is one of the reasons why my mom refused to move into a trailer…It would of made our lives easier because it would of been more affordable it, but instead we lived in a nice house we could not afford and life was miserable…We could not afford trash removal so I was lucky enough to have a bag sent with me every time I left the house…(she could compact the trash) So we were poor white trash living in a nice house, I never understood this about her….when I bought my trailer many moons ago, I proudly wore the label “poor white trash” , I did this because I never wanted my girls to feel like they were less than anyone else….Because we live in a trailer does not define us, or actions define us…

    Like

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The Suburban Domme

The Suburban Domme Living with a (semi) submissive man

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