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How do I start it?

by on March 13, 2013


Typically that one of the first questions a new Domme asks.

For myself, I found the best starting point was planned scenes i.e. role playing.

The title of the home page should be the mantra for new Dommes:

It’s not a race, it’s a journey.

Don’t try to do anything you aren’t comfortable with and don’t try to cram every single one of his fetish wants into one session.

Pick one or two things that appeal to you and then plan out a way to make them work for you in the role-playing.

Think about a situation where you would be comfortable being in charge.

If you want a costume for the role play, raid your closet. “Dressing for play” doesn’t have to mean a crotchless pleather cat suit and nine-inch heels.

Clothes do not make the Domme more powerful….…the Domme makes the clothes powerful!

One of my favorite “costumes” is a pair of gym short and a cut off tank top and bare feet!

Whatever you wear needs to be something you will be comfortable in and do a test run on any costume before you wear it for the role-playing so you know how it feels. Make sure it moves with you, that it isn’t itchy or to tight or so on and so on.

What’s your “Domme style”…what do YOU want it to be?

Evil vixen?

Kitten with a whip?

Sensual siren?



Write the scene out.

Get it out of your head and on to paper so you can “see” it develop and make adjustments in how things will go.

Write a script of things you want to say and practice them. Watch your elf in the mirror and yes it will feel silly but it will help you get more comfortable in the role.

Got props?

Some of my favorite props are things from around the house. I love wooden spoons for spanking. The make a nice crisp  “thwack” sound and leave an interesting mark. His own belt on his bare bum! I love it because I make him wear the belt the next day to work; he has to look at what caused the tender spots that make it uncomfortable to sit.

Clothes pins ( pegs) make great c.b.t. and nipple clamps.

Scarves for binding, gagging and blind folding. (Panties make great gags too!)

Use your imagination as you scan the house for things that will make fun tools for teasing and tormenting.


Heads up:

If you use a gag, make sure you have some way for your sub to alert you they may be in distress. Set something at their feet they can use to alert you they need the gag pulled out. A “tap bell” or a coffee cup with some silverware in it……anything that will make a noise and easy to reach.

Start out slow and watch your sub’s reactions, learn their body language cues.  A good way to find out of something is too little or too much without using a safe word is to use a “green, yellow, red” .

Just like a stop light:

Green means go—I’m okay. Yellow means slow down, I’m okay but I need you to ease up a bit. Red…of course means stop…or maybe just change-up what you are doing.

If something is too much and needs to come to a complete stop your sub needs to use his safe word.

Discuss the way it will work for you both before you start the role play.

Don’t make the first scene elaborate…….make it FUN!

And just accept the fact here and now:

Things are going to go wrong…when they do……..LAUGH!

Take a deep breath and carry on! Chances are your man isn’t even going to notice something didn’t go as planned.

Got kiddos in the house?

Turn on some music in the room to help cover the sounds of play and keep a robe handy to throw over your costume in case you have to do the “mommy to the rescue” mad dash.

IF you have to do this, 


leave your sub unattended more than a few minutes if they are gagged or bound.


Always make sure you have a first aid kit handy.

It’s a good habit to start NOW.

Now go have a GOOD TIME!

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