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Suburban Submissive

by on March 4, 2013

She writes about negotiation and it makes me think about how I got exactly everything I asked for I just didn’t get it the way I expected.

There isn’t a single kink on my wish list that isn’t in my life in some form.

The list is long but the two that needed the most negotiation are the two I am going to talk about here. I had to be willing to work with her, to do things her way with these two kinks before any of the others would be considered. She used these two kinks to call me out and get the control she should have as the dominant. It was her taking control of these two kinks that stopped me turning her into a service top for all my kink wants. She used these two kinks to break me of being a fetishist and pushed me toward being the submissive I said I wanted to be. She didn’t use either one of them in the way I wanted.  She pounded my fantasies into sand.

I wanted her to “train me” to be the kind of submissive she wanted. I wanted her to use corporal punishment and pain play to train me. She didn’t want a submissive and she didn’t want to use corporal punishment or pain play to train me. She told me if she had to train me to be a decent partner she wanted nothing to do with the lifestyle. Truth is I didn’t want to be trained, it just sounded like a good way to make her think she was in control while giving me what I wanted; being dominated and pain play. She’s not a stupid woman she saw thru what I was doing. She turned the table on me and told me she would be more than willing to use pain play but I would have to earn the pain play by following orders to a T without expecting any kink. She wouldn’t train me by using pain play, she would train me with the promise of pain play if I provided I was worthy of her time and effort.

In fact everything that is related to kink in our sex life is something I have to earn. I earn the reward of kink play by doing things her way without being difficult without making demands, without expecting anything in return. I have to trust she will notice my efforts and will see fit to reward me. Her actions, the way she has taken control and denied me what I wanted to give me what I need has made me a better submissive. I have learned to trust her judgment and accept the outcome of her being my Domme, no matter what the outcome is.

I have wanted her to cuck me from the first days of our marriage. About five years ago she did but it didn’t turn out the way I anticipated. The life she has with him is separate from her life with me. I’ve met the man once, talked to him on the phone but I have no face to face contact with him. She doesn’t share the details of her sexual relationship with him with me at all. When she spends time with him my only involvement is to provide the funds for her share of the expenses. Often she will send me out to shop for clothing and lingerie to wear when she is with him. I pack her suit case and make sure her reservations for the hotel are taken care of. I don’t get to watch her with this other man.  I don’t get the “cream pies” I spent so much time fantasizing bout. When she comes home from spending time with the other man, she and kink are off-limits for the first 48 hours she is home.

The way this turned out has had its own backlash for me. I don’t regret the fact she took me at my word but some days I wish I had never asked.

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