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Rats in the corner

by on March 3, 2013

There was a point in time that my husband became extremely irritated with my mentors.

When I first started bumping around the internet trying to figure out “how to be the Domme” everything I ended up finding played right into the fantasies my husband had about what kind of life he wanted to live as a “submissive”.

I posted a question on a forum one time about how to deal with a man like my husband and the replies I got had me in tears.

They ranged from

“Tie him to bed post and beat him bloody”


“Shove a butt plug up his ass and make him sleep naked on the bare floor.”

Even on my best day, in top form as the Domme around here now days with some “learned it cuz I am living it” experience and a healthy, sane understanding of the life style…what was suggested is NOT going to happen because it doesn’t appeal to me.

When I finally did find someone to give me safe sane answers….my husband’s preliminary response was over the moon. He was sure I was going to learn how to be the Domme of his dreams. Within months…that over the moon joy turned into just flat-out asshole pissed off…..because the ones he thought were going to “teach me” how to…..weren’t teaching me to do anything but stand up for myself and figure out what I wanted from the lifestyle…instead of letting him emotionally drag me around like a rag doll.

There was a point the very women he was sure would be his deliverers became women he wanted me away from.  He didn’t like the fact they were getting in the way of what he wanted from me.

That’s been a few years back….he’s made his peace with these women and in the process has learned a new respect for them AS WOMEN…not as a “means to an end” or just sexual creatures to add to his female fantasies catalogue…and what’s more these women now respect my husband for the effort he has put into walking the talk he was so good at lip servicing. They helped me call him out and helped me get him to see just how wrong he was and where he needed to make corrections instead of trying to groom me into what he wanted as a service top as he told me I was his Domme.

My husband and his behavior with these women isn’t a rare occurrence in the world of D/s-FemDom-BDSM–help me help her….in fact his kind is as common leaves on a tree…and there are possibly more of this kind then there are men who have a real clue about being submissive.

The women I know who do advocate for the introduced partners see this kind day in and day out and we tangle with them often…….and more often than not…..once cornered they turn into defensive jerks. I’d estimate maybe one out of every five we tangle with……. turns the corner my husband did…the rest… guess………..they move on looking for someone who will say what they want to hear to help them groom the partner they want to introduce to the lifestyle.

It is with some smug pride…I say that I have been labeled by men “one of these women”…the ones my husband was sure was what was keeping him from getting kink his way.

I always get a warm fuzzy feeling when a woman tells me her partner or another man told her to avoid me…..that I’m off my rocker and I have no idea what FemDom is really about……because I know the rat has been cornered and is feeling trapped by his deceit and his manipulation of his partner for his own sexual gratification and his ire and venom for me (and women like me) is his fear of being exposed for being the rat he is.

Yes I reveal in the idea I am getting in the way of a man telling a woman WHAT FemDom is and how she should practice FemDom so he can get what he wants.

That’s not FemDom……that’s male agenda mendacities.

It is men with the audacity to passively aggressively dictate to and attempt to manipulate women in their partner’s world to help them get their rocks off by grooming a woman for them.

From → Back Story

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