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by on March 3, 2013

Spend a little bit of time reading Pro Domme web sites and you will see some constants on all the sites:

The promise to fulfill the fantasies of the people seeking their services and they expect to be compensated for their service.

There’s a type of negotiation that must go on before the Domme and the client come to an agreement of what and how things will go.

The “negotiation” that goes on is the client detailing their fantasy and the Pro Domme going to work crafting a scenario that will bring that fantasy to life. There are web sites on top of web sites making promises to make the imaginings of being used, abused and tortured come true.

Even without saying a word to each other, there is a negotiation that goes on between the person reading the web site and the Domme who is offering her skills. The person surfing the site is “shopping” for the Domme who offers skills that fit the demands of the surfer’s fantasies. If the web site the surfer is reading doesn’t fit into the scope of that they are shopping for, they move on to the next one.

The end result of this negotiation will be a set amount of time the client gets to spend with the Domme and there will be some kind of compensation for the services she renders.

The client is not going to dictate what the reimbursement will be, if they don’t offer the type of reimbursement that appeals to the Domme…..the transaction isn’t going to happen.

Pause here and think about this:

 If what the client has to offer for reimbursement doesn’t appeal to the Domme nothing is going to come of the negotiations. The client will be shown the proverbial door…..not allowed to hang around, pout, whine and be a pain in the ass for the Domme. Same goes if the fantasy the client wants doesn’t appeal to the Domme.

What it comes down to: this is a business deal for compensation.

The Pro Domme’s time and skill has a market value and the client is well aware of that. Any disrespect for the Domme and her requirements will not be tolerated. Pouting and acting like a brat because they didn’t get their way is going to have the client removed from the establishment. Pushing buttons to get what they want is going to mean they aren’t going to get anything. Demanding more than is negotiated isn’t going to have a good ending for the client.

Say it with me folks:

What it comes down to: this is a business deal for compensation.


The more I thought about all the above the more I started to wonder why I didn’t garner the same respect a Pro Domme would.

When my husband dropped the idea of FemDom in my lap nothing about the way he wanted it to be appealed to me and nothing he offered me as “my submissive” appealed to me.

None of the “compensation” he offered me……… did anything for me.

What he offered only served to stroke his fetish wants.

I wasn’t just put off by the BDSM activities——-it was the whole ball of wax. What he wanted, the way he wanted it……… had nothing in it for me, in fact what he wanted had me giving up a lot so he could get what he wanted.

At some point I started to clue into the fact that I deserved more respect then I was getting for the services he was demanding. If he wasn’t willing to compensate me in the way I wanted, with the things I wanted……. then he had no respect for me as the dominant.

It’s only in hind sight that I see I started treating the D/s like a business deal and in hind sight I see that’s when I got control of the mess he was making out of me and our sex life by acting like a bully and a brat. I was letting him dictate how things would go by tolerating him telling me what FemDom was supposed to be.

I knew unless he was willing to work with me……there was no way things would ever be right between us when it came to his kink nature. I knew that I had to find a way to get control but do it in a way that appealed to his kink beast so he wouldn’t fight me at every turn.

I had to figure out a way to appeal to his fetish nature in a way that got his attention.

I had to lay out clear and solid rules, explain in detail and then demand my rightful compensation for my services as his Domme and devise penalties that he wanted to avoid.

I can’t teach anyone how to “be” a Domme or how to Domme anyone….but I might be able to offer some clues on how to get control of the negotiations for the services a wife or girlfriend will offer and make sure she is getting her just dues for her services rendered.

Ladies, if you are offering your services to your man as his Domme being compensated and how you will be compensated is your right.

One Comment
  1. writingthebody permalink

    Yes, this is all very true and sensible….and in a relationship hopefully there is also a bit of love….


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