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He asked

by on February 16, 2013

And I want to try….

but I don’t know what I am doing and I don’t have any idea where to start.

He asked you and now you need to figure out what the hell he has “asked you to do”.

If you ended up here…then you probably Google searched your way into this site while looking for answers about what he just asked for.

I am working from the stand point you are looking for answers and ways to understand and to discuss the topics with him without feeling overwhelmed or angry….or both.

Looking for a way to stop the gut wrenching questions of “why does he want this and what is wrong with the way I am? Why can’t he just want me the way I am?” and all the questions that you may be still reeling from.

Use the comment section to ask your questions, address your fears or get some basic information to help you sort through as you consider if you want to even try this…..want to play part-time or go full on living a D/s lifestyle with your partner.

Some basic tips for women just getting started:

Take it slow……give yourself time to process what he is asking for and what you can do….and if you can do it at all.

Communicating with your partner about your qualms and things that you don’t want to do is vital!

Only do what YOU feel comfortable with.

Be clear, firm and concise about the things you cannot do.

If he cannot respect your wishes at this point then you have every right and should tell him you will not advance another step toward considering exploring the lifestyle….until he will and do so with gusto.

Put the onus on him to be a considerate, supportive partner.

ONLY-ONLY-ONLY if you think YOU are up to it:

Ask him to give you a list of all the things he craves. Just because it is on the list this doesn’t obligate you to do it, it just gives you an idea of what is going on his head and is a great way to start conversations with him that can lead to negotiating how the FemDom will work between the two of us.

Keep in mind you are going to let the genie out of the bottle and be prepared to read things that may shock you. THAT’S okay…..but be fair, if you asked him to be honest and he is, you need to respect the fact he was honest. Don’t be surprised if you look at the list and for a bit wonder if you even know the man you are about to jump into this life style with.

You may be shocked, even horrified by what you see so do not do this “on a lark” do it with a serious amount of consideration and in a time and place you can take the time to absorb what he tells you and get yourself stable and calm.

 Remember he is not the SUM of what is on the list;

the list is just a facet of him.

He is STILL the same person he was before he handed you the list, he has revealed a part of himself that he might not understand, which may scare him too. He may be ashamed of what is on the list and he may be terrified you are going to fall apart and walk out or tell him he is sick and twisted. For every knot in your gut you have, he most likely has a corresponding one.

One of the most common prevalent things men who are trying to find a way to ask a partner to explore with them say is:

“The only person I want to do this with is my girlfriend/wife. She is the woman of my dreams and I don’t want anyone BUT HER to be my Domme/Mistress.”

It is RARE –as in hen’s teeth rare— to come across a man who has these interests, who are in a committed relationship and don’t have the focus of WHO they want to do it with as their immediate partner, the one they have a life built with. There is a level of trust that goes with opening this part of who they are to anyone, they only want to open this part of their core being with the woman they trust enough to share a –WHOLE-life with.

I know the knot in your gut,

I lived every emotion you are feeling right now.

I know there is a solution but I also know that solution is different for each couple and it can be a struggle to get the solution in place.

By respecting each other and working together you can find your solution.

One Comment
  1. Hunkagirl permalink

    Sigh. Just, thank you. 🙂 Thank you for all your blog posts, but this one really resonates for me right now. It’s so good to know I’m not all alone out here.


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