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Humiliation play

by on February 18, 2013



There are many things my husband has on his “wish list” when it comes to the types of fetish urges he craves.

Some are easier to adapt to fit my nature than others.

As crazy as this may sound it was easier for me to bring another partner into our relationship then it was to get humiliation in play.


That wasn’t easy by a long shot and some days it has me scratching my head thinking “What the hell was I thinking”? when I find myself stretched to the limits by the demands of more than one man….but even that was and is easier than setting out to humiliate my husband.

For starters it’s just not in my nature to be a negative person or to be negative towards others. First bump to get over was figuring out how to take something that isn’t in my nature and make it doable for me.

My first attempts at this type of play were dismal failures and had me wishing I had never opened the freakin’ FemDom pandora’s box that is the kinky soul of my husband.

My ‘primer” for this type of play was videos of women emasculating men with screamed words, hateful sneers as they slap and kick them around, calling them names, talking about what kind of worthless sub humans they were, problem was when I tried to emulate what I saw…it made me sick to my stomach and it wasn’t as much fun as my husband thought it was going to be.

Hearing me saying these things out loud to him were a lot more devastating than he had anticipated.

Watching another man be treated this way on video aroused him immensely……so he assumed me treating him this way would in his real world would be thrilling and arousing.  Instead of getting aroused he got angry. Angry because it wasn’t turning out the way he thought it would. It was one of many real big doses of “fantasy doesn’t translate to the real world so well.”

He could control what went on his fantasies, he could script it to exactly what he wanted…throw in a real person and there was an unmanageable wild card that kept getting in the way of the fantasy.

That wild card was ME.

At that point in time we didn’t have any communication skills for talking about how play would go or how to deal with play gone wrong.

He spent a lot of time pissed and pouting, I spent a lot of time crying and wondering what the hell it was he wanted. He showed me what he wanted, I tried to give him what he wanted and he got what he asked for but that didn’t make him happy.

Truth was he had built up such an unrealistic idea of what “it” would be like the porn he had “imprinted on” there was no way that I or what happened between us in the real world, would ever be able to live up to what he had in his head(s).

Once he stopped trying to get it just like it was in his fantasy and left me alone to find my “own way” I started finding ways to put this kink in play and actually enjoy it.

During scenes that are planned by me, I can go full throttle emasculating Domme for a short time, but most of our humiliation play is light-hearted and in a manner that fits WHO I am as a prankster and someone who needs laugher to feel alive.

I crave laughter the way he craves kink.


There will never be anyway to just focus on ONE kink…because they all tie into each other….and this might be a starting point for showing how they all tend to tentacle into each other when it comes to this man I live, love and play with.

He has a “mild forced femming” urge; a pair of silk panties under his dress slacks for work make him grin from ear to ear. He doesn’t wear them every day. They are an “earned treat” and he finds them out with his clothes in the morning when he goes to get dressed for work.

I then spend the day sending him texts asking him what he would do if someone at work knew what he was wearing under his dress slacks, what would the other guys thing of my little sissy boy in his sissy panties. I might ask him what he would be willing to do to prevent me from exposing his secret by an “accidental txt” to one of his coworkers. Again…not just one kink….this hits the “blackmail kink nerve”


Sometimes when we go out for the evening we will be wearing matching panties. After I have got a feel for the crowd, to make sure I am not forcing OUR kink play on others I’ll make remarks about the fact I can’t keep him out of my panties drawer or how when he doesn’t behave I turn him over my knee and wear him out. I make off-handed comments about things I know make him squirm.

I say these things in a joking manner and it always elicits laughter from the crowd and chances are most assume it’s a joke…he never knows which one doesn’t think I am kidding and might have “clued into” his little secret. And he knows the next day at work he will be teased by his coworkers and in a roundabout way they help me humiliate him.

My “other man” serves to help me along with the humiliation game. “SPH” (small penis humiliation) is a thrill for my husband and it drives him crazy when he is bound and I spend some time telling him just how inadequate he is compared to my other guy.  He’s never around when I am with the other guy so he has no idea “size wise” how he compares and that gives me a lot of leeway to work this angle for all it is worth.

He craves public humiliation also.

I mention in my bio that if you see a couple behind you at the market and notice the man fidgeting and blushing in reaction to a comment made by his female companion that could be me and my sub. There’s a lot of “private language” between he and I that sounds like every day banter. If I tell him I am going to buy a new wooden spoon he knows he’s in for a good hard spanking at some point that day. To have ne say this out loud in line at the market makes him blush bright red. When he’s being a pest in the market I have been known to say loud enough for others “Don’t be a pest or I’ll put the wooden spoon back on the shelf!” Being a pest means the loss of his kink play.

Taking him into a farm supply store is always a lot of fun and loaded with chances to bring on the public humiliation he craves in a down low manner. I’ll “playfully” test out riding crops on him, our make him “be the horse” for the bridle or lead rope I am considering purchasing.  I’ll pick up sets of spurs and use his arm to test how sharp the rowels are.

Shoe shopping……what a mother load of kink play!

He has a foot fetish but I hate having my feet touched so this is an adapted way that works for both of us and hits his foot fetish/his urge to be my slave/money pig and the humiliation craving. Throw in… in a mini skirt and he is a mess of putty in my hands. I walk thru the racks of shoes and point, he grabs them, find a clerk to get the pairs I want to try on and then he sits at my feet in a public place helping me try on shoes, with me chiding him quietly for being my little pervert.

None of this “looks or sounds like” what many think of when they think of FemDom styled humiliation, but for me, for my style as his Domme..the less it looks and sounds like what is touted as “FemDom” the more it feels like being individuals in a world that can be dominated by cookie cutter notions and makes me feel more comfortable in a lifestyle I never thought would work for us.

I wonder often how many women would be willing to have a D/s marriage if they knew they had the control to make it their “own”. Not modeled after what others say “should be” not even what their “wanna be submissive” partner thinks it should be…but allowed the freedom to own it as her own and shape it into what she enjoys.

  1. KATHY permalink



    SIDE ?



  2. There’s some pretty nifty bennies that go with owing a money pig who has a shoe/boot/foot fetish!

    *wicked grin and wink*

    Before I started to understand the dynamics of D/s BDSM play, I wondered if he was aroused by the thought of being the Dom……but I once I learned to discuss the topics overall with him…. it was clear that he was aroused by the idea of —being the bottom— part of the play.

    He’s not a sadist.
    That’s not to say pushed far enough and hard enough he can’t be sadistic (we’re all capable of being a sadist in the right environment—it’s just part of the yen and yang of fight or flight) but when it comes to the core nature of his cravings…everything is in the vein of being a masochistic submissive.

    He’s not aroused at all by being “in charge—dominant or aggressive” when it comes to any kind of BDSM play or sex for that matter. That caused a lot of issues and confusion for me and a as per norm….a topic that is just another string in the web of being with a kinky man…LOL


  3. Dana permalink

    I really appreciate your honesty. Ive recently found myself in a similar situation. I am quite unfamiliar and saying some of these things im am trying to emulate makes me cringe. I text things and walk away from my phone mumbling to myself “wtf. Who says that. Im going to hell”.
    Im stuck. Reading your posting gives me faith that i might figure out my own way. Ty ☺


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