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Strike a “pose”

by on May 3, 2017

A/K/A

Making up your own rules gets you called a poser.

 

In Feb this blog turned five years old and five years ago all I was running on was bravado and brainstorming, the support of a very dear friend who “got it” in a way I didn’t but was willing to let me lean on her til I did “get it” as I was trying to find a way to make “this” work for us. It’s always been a team effort for us, I may own the title that means I am the lead dog but truth is, none of this works for us without a hell of a lot of team work. It’s kinda crazy how things are now days. Neither one of us give much thought to “how” we function as a D/s couple, we just do. If someone had told me five years ago we’d get to this point, I might have been tempted to ask them to share whatever they were ingesting to create such amazing hallucinations.

 

I had faith in us as a couple, we have muddled our way thru some pretty rough spots as a married couple, parents and business partners, I knew we’d sort something out. What I didn’t foresee….. fate….. taking the turns it did and some serious changes in his mind set and his ability to adapt to the “non fantasy” version of being a D/s couple and his working with the rules I have in place. My rules meant he was going to have to give up a lot to get what he has, he’s a stingy thing when his libido is dragging him around…LOL…I didn’t think he could give to get.

 

Back when I started writing I really figured the “D/s” would be one part of us that kinda always limped along. At that point I just wanted to understand what the hell was going on in his brain. I was also rebelling against so much that was being shoved at me that was telling me “to be a real Domme”….. I had to follow a set of rules that frankly to me read like they came right out the “Dear Penthouse” letters section.

 

I think it was more the rebellion then content that got me attention. I’ll never forget the first reply I got to my first blog:

“Lock him up and throw away the key” *sigh* cuz that was the ONLY way to really have control over a man.

 

The irony is that was the first “FemDom” rule I started with when I started rebelling and making up my own rules.

Within weeks of starting this blog I was getting emails telling me I’m not a “real domme”. Since the blog has been silent, those mails have slowed down, but one still pops in now and the. What spurred me to work my way back here and have a good look thru the old ponderings was the one I got last week.

It was another “somebody” telling me how I didn’t get this and how unless I marched to a strict set of rules, I really shouldn’t be promoting my life as FLR/FLM or D/s-FemDom.

(I do wonder if others who don’t march the lock step……how often do they hear from this cluster(fuck) of people?)

 

Ya know what….if I had another name for “this” and myself that had the mass appeal of all the words that come with “this” I’d be using them, but alas dems-be-dee  only words that help people who might need this info….. find it.

 

So to those who think I’m not the real thing, move along, nothing to see, you are right, I am “posing for attention”.

IN FACT……

Watch me as I strike a (few)D/s pose(s):

I am “posing” as a Domme.

He “poses” as a sub

That other guy in our life is “posing” as that other guy.

The bedroom is “posing” as a dungeon.

The toy box is crammed full of kink toys that pose in scene.

Yes-yes-yes…

We are “posers”.

What we aren’t posing as:

A couple who hit the 39 year mark back in March. A couple that isn’t  even close to being on the same level when it comes to kink but we have found a nice middle ground that works 96%

(Yeah there is still a 4% gap cuz….being a couple that works is HARD work no matter what kinda middle ground you find!)

A couple who figured out we need our own rules and our own way to find a healthy balance in the kink way of life.

To all of you

“posers”….

Welcome to my hood.

A place where you are welcome to

“strike a D/s pose(r)”.

(And make your own rules!)

 

 

 

 

From → Back Story

8 Comments
  1. Nice to see you writing again. 🙂

    :: strikes a pose ::

    :: gets distracted and forgets what she’s doing ::

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You probably came along too late to have met “Suzy,” another blogger with pretty much the same background. She was muddling her way through, just enjoying herself, and thought she would start blogging about those enjoyable little vignettes. She wrote very well and was amusing and sexy at the same time, and self-effacing about what she was doing.

    Naturally, she was deluged by morons who badgered her for not being a “proper domme”, and who (in my opinion) probably didn’t get any closer to a real domme than their keyboards allowed. The comments and emails she got were ridiculous. Why do people act that way? I have absolutely no idea – it wasn’t as if she proclaimed herself to be the new mistress on the scene.

    Anyhow, as someone else in a relationship where we don’t follow anybody else’s script, just keep doing what you’re doing. You poser.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t think I had the pleasure of meeting Suzy, which is too bad. We could have compared troll notes and swapped mental images of what each joker looked like.
      (Most of mine look like Baby Hughie with a ball gag shoved in his mouth, sitting in a basement somewhere.)

      Frankly, the only thing that gets to me about this bunch is the fact they are the ones churning out the “To be a real Domme you must dot-dot-dot” scripted crap under a female pen name…. that does so much damage to women who have had all this dropped on them by a partner.

      So…….. I guess I’ll just keep posing and trashing their dreams of world domination thru scripted Female domination.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. So wonderful see your impeccable and glorious words again. YOU Miss The Suburban Domme, and this blog were very instrumental in launching the lifestyle that my Mistress Wife and I currently and happily live. Your wit and condor are unmatched ….. which is why I have an innocent crush on you (Mistress K. acknowledged and approved)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Awe, thanks for the kind words…..and a crush..I’m flattered…but you should know I’m not the real thing…buuuwaaahahahahahahahahah HA!

    *snort*

    Glad to see you still around, hope all is well in your burbs!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. collaredmichael permalink

    I figure that whatever works for the two of you is good. Perhaps the real posers are the people who complain about you all the time. Just saying!

    Like

  6. Thoughtful permalink

    Timeline
    • Dates are approximations with some specificity. I may be wrong on certain points as the timeline requires assumptions to complete. No mistakes are intentional, and I would be glad to be corrected. Proper paragraph divisions are not observed.

    There are only a few dates known with certainty (?) though some others are close. One is that you (Serendipity) celebrated your 39th wedding anniversary in March 2017. This would mean that you were married in 1978. There appears to be some discrepancy with my understanding of the wedding date since some dates in the blog narrative confuse. Since Monsieur was 19 when you married, he was either born in 1958 or 59 (one or two years younger than me). You were 53 in January 2014. This would mean you were born in 1960 or 61. The next, is that, as of February 28, 2013, Guy #2 had been in your lives for five years. This would mean that the cuck/poly thing began in 2008. Other dates must be discovered in relation to these though you have admitted that some certainties may have blurred over time.

    You were married in 1978 or 79 (I think.) There may be variance due to actual dates not matching calendar years. This date is reached by understanding Monsieur to have been born in 19589 or 59- tracking back from his age being mentioned as corresponding with certain calendar years. Monsieur was 19 when you met. You were married within three weeks and literally grew up together. From the start, you were in sync on everything, and you assumed the lead in all matters but business in which you deferred to him. It is your nature to organize and directed, and he assumes, naturally, the more passive role. In this way, your marriage has always been female-led, and you consider yourself the “head of the home.” As a couple, you have been good to discuss and reach decisions together. M is a little over 6’ and 231 lbs.

    Today, own you own business and work is done mostly from home (by you) as he does other things. One post did indicate that M had made a change to working from home which leads to wondering about the nature of the change. You have a type of engineering consulting business and travel is, sometimes, required. As M took blue collar jobs and worked his way up to white collar, I wonder if your business is in the same field as his previous employment or what educational requirement were attained. You mentioned that he formerly travelled for weeks- sometimes months- and it seems you do some travelling today. In former times (especially) you kept the home as a refuge for him to come to and spend time with family since he worked nine plus hours daily. When M confessed he wanted to be your “house slave,” one wonders how he would have the time unless things had changed in employment or, indeed, retirement status has been achieved. Apparently, you have done well financially as you are considered (a while ago) retirement- earlier than most (I wonder if you got to do it.)- and it seems you are able to spend and do things together. A new car a couple of years ago also lends to this idea, and the fact that your family has been able to survive on one income. You have been mostly a stay-at-home mom though there were earlier years when you worked. The one-income lifestyle has no doubt enabled the poly relationship you enjoy as you have been able to absorb the expenses incurred and not be bound by workplace constraints. It seems that #3 went to the fringe (4-14) and may no longer be around (March 2015 mentions two guys only). Number 2 is still around though you confess you do not know why. This was at least true in 2015. Considering M’s ability with planes, racecars, automobiles and riding mowers, I wonder if the engineering concerns actual engines.

    M mentioned he didn’t mind “sharing” before you went to party. You had been married only a couple- maybe four- weeks at the time. It was a moral issue for you, and you wanted out of the marriage. He wanted to talk and explain that he didn’t want an open marriage but for you to consider it. He hadn’t set you up with anyone. Looking back, you saw patterns in behavior and knew something was up. Months would pass without the need for kink and then a journey into hell would commence. There was quite a bit of arguing and conflict over his kink urges for many years. You did not understand, and he could not explain.

    In 1998, M had a fling with a co-worker on a business trip. It was a huge blow to your ego and took six months to get over the initial shock. The scar is still there, and it, occasionally, hurts. The affair does not have power in your life now though M bears the burden of having had sex with someone without your knowledge and taking away your choice. This same element is not present in the poly relationship because the sex (et all) is with his knowledge and, indeed, by his choice. He has veto power (according to the both of you) in this and other relationships though it seems you enjoy the emotional connectedness provided, and he thinks it would be dastardly for him to ask you to stop something he initiated in the first place. Though it seems as if you were reticent to go into the poly-thing, you do receive some benefits (with aggravations). It was his (willing) blindness that such efforts would incur connections beyond the physical which is an occasional thorn to him now. It hurts a bit at times, but he also is thrilled at the realization of his former fantasy. These things keep the wheels in motion though both of you express ambivalence at times. You are set to receive no more “boys” into your “stable” though M would not mind if a line were waiting outside your door. Your usage of words is intentional and carries weight. Perhaps, you do this to incite him when he reads your blog. Words like “cuck,” “boy,” “stable,” as well as, the pet names you use for one another, sometimes in public, are meant to thrill. I noticed the “play” in the farm stores and wondered if you own actual horses?

    You said you fought with M for 23 years around sexual issues before you (and he) realized he wanted femdom. This would have been about 2000-2 though in one place you said femdom became an issue around 2000. When you found a link in a shared email account, things began to open up to you. Though you threw up before making it to the bathroom and cried for a week, you wanted to find out why the wonderful man you were married to had such ideas. In the summer of 2004, M dropped the idea of femdom on you. He asked for this to be added to his fetishes. You said you’d “try” to be his domme. There had been years of kink without the mention. You were stunned that, after years of marriage, he wanted to be your slave. You had been his sub in the summer of 2003 for two weeks. At some point in this time, you began to seek counseling to understand his compulsions, eventually finding kink-aware people and resources. You had been reading everything you could get your hands on for some time before then, and your marriage was spinning out of control over M’s kink urges. You did not want to throw away the marriage with its good and went to a few therapists without M. After four years of study and research (in femdom), you found a mentor who had been in the lifestyle 30 years. In one place you said that it was either year 27 or 28 of the marriage that he asked you to be his domme. This would have been around 2006-7. It was four years after femdom desires coming to the fore that M asked you to be his domme, and it took four more for him to admit his basic desires were for hard-core physical domination. M is not as much a sub as one who wants to be dominated during sex. The two bleed over, and, today, he approaches sexual domination from the sub side rather than badgering. Femdom provided a framework (border to a jigsaw puzzle) for your life together.

    Note- You have said you did not believe the term “sex addict” applies to your husband. I believe it does in some senses and primarily because of the huge shadow his sexual needs have cast. I, too, have dominant sexual urges that are hard to escape, so I know whereof I speak. He has been unable to deal with these life-dominating urges to the point that he has made astounding accomodations for them in your lives. You have done well by him to help him deal because of your deep love for him. Damaging consequences are parcel of addiction. These are not hard to miss. This is not judgment- only comment.

    For 28 years of marriage, you simply asked and he did. This was not thought of as female leadership per se, but it was. Many marriages are female-led from this perspective. The idea of having a congenial marriage is a good base from any perspective, and a benevolent femdom marriage is just that. You were in charge in the marriage from the start in this manner, and the idea of calling yourself “head of household” in the blog is a key phrase which increases submissive desires. No doubt this was to be read by M, understood and accepted. M works hard to be active and not passive in the sub role though it is not natural to him. It probably can’t be as he is a leader in other positions of life. It must feel good to state that “you are his compulsion.

    As of February 2012, the kids are grown though tough times seem to be all around. You and M have weathered physical, emotional and financial difficulties in the past, and some may continue. You own you own business and state you have an overall easy life. Sometimes, you crawl into M’s lap and set aside the domme role (which comes and goes anyway).

    As of February 2013, you and M had been 10ish years in femdom. Only in the last two has it ceased to be a battle between you. It has become a fact of life for you as a couple. You mention that seeing another person’s point of view does not mean agreement. Good point. You love your husband and men in general. Your marriage was always female-led, even before kink was added. You consider yourself head of the home. You have been mostly a stay-at-home mom, and, for 28 years of marriage, you simply asked and he did. Today, you negotiate though you have the final say. You consider M’s point of view (and rarely disagree), but your final say being the rule has only been practiced for perhaps a year.
    Your youngest son is 19.

    Interlude
    M gave his reflections in 2013. He is ashamed that his “needs” have made life so difficult for you. He mentions the “cucking” was initiated in 2008 though he expressed that he wanted this in the early days of marriage. Sometimes, he wishes he had never asked for it as it has caused emotional pain.

    In March 2013, M mentions health issues for you. This would have been the back problems though you have described OCD, ADD and dyslexia as vexing issues. He mentions marrying you at age 19 and that he wanted to be dommed by his wife more than other women. This plays well into the female-led aspect of marriage and the “cucking theme.” Therefore, he introduced you to femdom. In playing into the poly aspect, he will help you get ready for your excursions- going so far as to buy lingerie, help pack and trim your hair.

    In April 2013, M states that he has veto power over “cuck” situations. You agree to this. He pushed you into the situation though, realizes the pain he caused and will not ask you to leave it.

    As of May 2013, M mentions you are struggling with health issues and that anger and jealousy sometimes arise over the “cuck” relationship. He says femdom was added to your lives 12-15 years prior. He observes that “cucking” and chastity were not your ideas and that you are emotionally involved with the other men in your relationship. Problems are being caused by the work schedule and your medications.

    Back to You
    As of April 2013, you have passed the five year mark in the poly relationship. It was your husband’s request for it all. This points to your ambivalence. You use the word “cuck” in postings because it triggers more intense emotions in M. This leads to understanding he reads the blog and uses it in his arousal. You mention the importance of words. Agreed. You make all the decisions in the marriage apart from the business. The “cuck” arrangement cost you tears, angst and moral rearrangement. The cost was heavy, and one wonders how you are doing under the circumstances. You said you do not
    live in angst (though you have moments), but I fear for you. You stress the “working together” with M. Add, OCD and the old back injury are giving you problems.

    In March 2013, you mentioned difficulties with R ADD, ADD and dyslexia. M asked you to take control of his orgasms, but chastity is not most to your liking. You enjoy forcing orgasms. A part of this stems from your desire to see your partner in ecstasy. You believe (as do I) that femdom is about female empowerment, and submission is not passive. M spoils you, and you spoil him back. This is a good marriage principle. Nothing worked until you began to work together. You want an “alpha in the streets and a beta in the sheet”. My take exactly. You mention that you would be outside this life without M and the influence of porn (which he gave up and came out from under the haze). You mention your unpleasant introduction to femdom and the fact that you didn’t want to lose your loved partner and the life you have built together. As of now, your children are 33, 27 and 19. Do they know? In mentioning the “cuck” happening, you observe the younger friend, the fact that without the “earlobe thing” it would not have happened and that M owns the cuck label (important to him). You adore your husband. The whole poly thing centers on him. How are you? The “lightning strikes” elements of the initial meeting with Guy #2 lead you to refer to it as fate (in some places). You grabbed Guy #2 as a one-night stand to show your husband not to wish for some things. Guy #3 is your husband’s best friend who lives in another state. You kiss, flirt and attempt to arouse him in front of your husband though he is not “fluid” with you (no sex). You began doing this after drinking with him one night and confessed the dalliance to your husband who did not mind it. He enjoys being “cucked” as you are, sometimes, with both men together whereas your husband has only met Guy #2 once and is never around when y0u are with him. Your interludes with these men are for your husband’s benefit. You receive some benefit too but at a cost. You stated that poly relationships were worth it if things were clicking along. It took yu 28 years to get to the point of following through on the idea and on a lark at that. Guy #2 is free to walk away at any time, and you will not cling. He has dropped off your radar for months at a time but has returned in part because you are good friends. His knowledge and consent in the “cucking” understanding was essential from the beginning for the situation to work at all.

    As of January 2014, you are 53, and M is working from home. You have been “splitting time” between M and Guy #2 since September 2013. Guy #2 apparently lives 200 miles away which would mean he either since beginning the relationship (was 1200 miles away), of there was a typo. I wonder if the “splitting time” actually refers to accepting a key to #2’s place rather than spending more equal time with each. You mention that M is working from home and having the key to an apartment 200 miles away may keep you from strangling him. Trips away probably do ease the tension for both of you.

    February 2014 gave reflections of the cucking/poly relationship. On the night of initiation (2008?), you were feeling shell-shocked and unappealing over the state of your marriage and M’s kink obsessions. Apparently, you were at a club, restaurant or gathering of some sort with M and a friend ten years younger. There may have been other acquaintances, as well. Whether you came with M, the friend or drove separately is unknown. The question that comes to mind is if you were not in an active effort (with M) to search for another partner at the time. Perhaps, that was the reason for your excursion. This may not have been true, but there is some indication this idea was in play. M was skulking at one point (unfulfilled) and was called away by the phone. In the end, he left, leaving you with your friend who may have been the one who was a support and understanding of the things you were going through. You told him you would be home in a couple of hours (were you feeding his fantasy). At some point, The man who became Guy #2 flirted with your friend but turned his attentions to you because he liked your earlobes. You wore your hair short at the time and behind your ears. After talking and an unexpected kiss, you decided to teach your husband a lesson and follow through on his wishes to be a “cuck.” You believed this would be a one-night stand since Eargasm guy lived 1200 miles away. Your friend’s complicity and understanding of the situation is unknown (though likely) since transportation must have enter the picture. Guy #2 was told, at some point, that you were married, and he was knowingly “cucking” your husband. Emotional attachments followed sex. M had to know that this was going to happen if he knew you at all, but he was willingly blind to this certain aspect of intimate relationships. An unlikely aspect of the situation is that, on the first attempt, you would connect with a person with whom you would want a continued relationship. You did not come home until the next morning. M had been frantically looking for you (he had your cell in his pocket) and was pleased that you stepped out of the marriage. You discussed the situation in depth with M and called Guy #2 the next evening and talked for hours. You met with Guy #2 in his city two weeks later after careful planning with your husband. Your youngest child was 14 at the time. Apparently, this relationship began 28 years into your marriage (some discrepancy on actual dates), and it took six years for you to accept a key to Guy #2’s place and begin “splitting time.” The poly relationship developed slowly and quickly at the same time. Guy #2 has lived a hard life with many mistakes, was married and has children. He battles many demons and is five years younger than you. It may be that you being his emotional support is a great deal of what sustains the relationship. It seems unlikely that he will want to end the “affair” with its benefits to him and few real responsibilities though he struggles with his involvement. Though he formerly dated a lot, this diminished, and you are his “primary” though he is your “secondary,” and he knows this. You will have no more men in your life though m would be happy to see them lining up around the block to “service” you.

    In March 2014, Guy #2 was demons with which you were trying to help him long distance. You are experiencing little clarity and are considering retirement. M is putting things into motion and making choices which will enable the poly relationship to continue in the future (What are they?). This boggles your mind. You mention that few are into the cuck/poly thing, but it appears you like it though it wasn’t your idea. You derive some enjoyment and much frustration from the set-up. It can be emotionally rewarding (the greater part of sex), but your reflections indicate that you are ambivalent about it. Ending the relationship would be hard because of the connection established, but the status quo is torturous.

    As of April 2014, you are glad you were able to follow your own path in femdom. Your husband’s desires almost broke you, and you confess that yu wouldn’t wish your life on your worst enemy. Things have been so hard even with the many perks of your life. You speak of knowing M like the back of your hand and enjoying ROOK (me, too). You rise early, have three children (none at home) and have long and fine, red hair. You state that your life partner directs your interactions with Guy #2 which may indicate that the “cucking” is mostly his idea and would not continue but for the kink. Guy #2 realizes this, and it may be a torment to him. He does not understand M’s motivations. Guy #3 is in on the fringe but tolerates it well. M bought you a sports car saying he loves how you love him. You were at Guy #2’s place when the deal was finalized.

    As of March 2015, you had been seeking answers (in the femdom realm) for a little over 11 years. You mention, again, that you adore your husband and honesty enabled you two to come to terms. Both of you adapted. At this point, femdom is rote with the both of you (a point you never thought you’d reach). Life is not about one thing. He was willing to be honest with you and not merely stay in pornography. As of this time, you both have been two years in successful chastity play, and, apparently, Guy #3 is no longer around.

    In the summer of 2015, you had a lumbar spinal fusion. The old back injury caused much pain and discomfort over time, and surgery became the only option. You hate being the one needing care.

    In January 2016, you state that you are not gone but that family and work pressures are keeping you away from active bloggng.

    In September 2016, you have begun working with rescue animals which requires some time. Guy #2 seems to be still around though you confess you don’t know why. This begs the question of how much consistent contact is going on since this would have been about year nine of the relationship. Since it appears that your youngest was 18 in 2011. He would have been 14 when the poly relationship began. The question remains as to if the children know anything about this aspect and how it was handled if so or if not. It seems you are still working which begs the retirement question.

    As of May 2017, you have still been accused of posing in the femdom lifestyle. This you deny though appearing to (frustratedly) agree with tongue-in-cheek assent. You state that femdom and female-leadership are working for you on your terms (your own path).

    How am I doing?

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