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Strike a “pose”

by on May 3, 2017


Making up your own rules gets you called a poser.


In Feb this blog turned five years old and five years ago all I was running on was bravado and brainstorming, the support of a very dear friend who “got it” in a way I didn’t but was willing to let me lean on her til I did “get it” as I was trying to find a way to make “this” work for us. It’s always been a team effort for us, I may own the title that means I am the lead dog but truth is, none of this works for us without a hell of a lot of team work. It’s kinda crazy how things are now days. Neither one of us give much thought to “how” we function as a D/s couple, we just do. If someone had told me five years ago we’d get to this point, I might have been tempted to ask them to share whatever they were ingesting to create such amazing hallucinations.


I had faith in us as a couple, we have muddled our way thru some pretty rough spots as a married couple, parents and business partners, I knew we’d sort something out. What I didn’t foresee….. fate….. taking the turns it did and some serious changes in his mind set and his ability to adapt to the “non fantasy” version of being a D/s couple and his working with the rules I have in place. My rules meant he was going to have to give up a lot to get what he has, he’s a stingy thing when his libido is dragging him around…LOL…I didn’t think he could give to get.


Back when I started writing I really figured the “D/s” would be one part of us that kinda always limped along. At that point I just wanted to understand what the hell was going on in his brain. I was also rebelling against so much that was being shoved at me that was telling me “to be a real Domme”….. I had to follow a set of rules that frankly to me read like they came right out the “Dear Penthouse” letters section.


I think it was more the rebellion then content that got me attention. I’ll never forget the first reply I got to my first blog:

“Lock him up and throw away the key” *sigh* cuz that was the ONLY way to really have control over a man.


The irony is that was the first “FemDom” rule I started with when I started rebelling and making up my own rules.

Within weeks of starting this blog I was getting emails telling me I’m not a “real domme”. Since the blog has been silent, those mails have slowed down, but one still pops in now and the. What spurred me to work my way back here and have a good look thru the old ponderings was the one I got last week.

It was another “somebody” telling me how I didn’t get this and how unless I marched to a strict set of rules, I really shouldn’t be promoting my life as FLR/FLM or D/s-FemDom.

(I do wonder if others who don’t march the lock step……how often do they hear from this cluster(fuck) of people?)


Ya know what….if I had another name for “this” and myself that had the mass appeal of all the words that come with “this” I’d be using them, but alas dems-be-dee  only words that help people who might need this info….. find it.


So to those who think I’m not the real thing, move along, nothing to see, you are right, I am “posing for attention”.


Watch me as I strike a (few)D/s pose(s):

I am “posing” as a Domme.

He “poses” as a sub

That other guy in our life is “posing” as that other guy.

The bedroom is “posing” as a dungeon.

The toy box is crammed full of kink toys that pose in scene.


We are “posers”.

What we aren’t posing as:

A couple who hit the 39 year mark back in March. A couple that isn’t  even close to being on the same level when it comes to kink but we have found a nice middle ground that works 96%

(Yeah there is still a 4% gap cuz….being a couple that works is HARD work no matter what kinda middle ground you find!)

A couple who figured out we need our own rules and our own way to find a healthy balance in the kink way of life.

To all of you


Welcome to my hood.

A place where you are welcome to

“strike a D/s pose(r)”.

(And make your own rules!)





From → Back Story

  1. Nice to see you writing again. 🙂

    :: strikes a pose ::

    :: gets distracted and forgets what she’s doing ::

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You probably came along too late to have met “Suzy,” another blogger with pretty much the same background. She was muddling her way through, just enjoying herself, and thought she would start blogging about those enjoyable little vignettes. She wrote very well and was amusing and sexy at the same time, and self-effacing about what she was doing.

    Naturally, she was deluged by morons who badgered her for not being a “proper domme”, and who (in my opinion) probably didn’t get any closer to a real domme than their keyboards allowed. The comments and emails she got were ridiculous. Why do people act that way? I have absolutely no idea – it wasn’t as if she proclaimed herself to be the new mistress on the scene.

    Anyhow, as someone else in a relationship where we don’t follow anybody else’s script, just keep doing what you’re doing. You poser.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t think I had the pleasure of meeting Suzy, which is too bad. We could have compared troll notes and swapped mental images of what each joker looked like.
      (Most of mine look like Baby Hughie with a ball gag shoved in his mouth, sitting in a basement somewhere.)

      Frankly, the only thing that gets to me about this bunch is the fact they are the ones churning out the “To be a real Domme you must dot-dot-dot” scripted crap under a female pen name…. that does so much damage to women who have had all this dropped on them by a partner.

      So…….. I guess I’ll just keep posing and trashing their dreams of world domination thru scripted Female domination.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. So wonderful see your impeccable and glorious words again. YOU Miss The Suburban Domme, and this blog were very instrumental in launching the lifestyle that my Mistress Wife and I currently and happily live. Your wit and condor are unmatched ….. which is why I have an innocent crush on you (Mistress K. acknowledged and approved)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Awe, thanks for the kind words…..and a crush..I’m flattered…but you should know I’m not the real thing…buuuwaaahahahahahahahahah HA!


    Glad to see you still around, hope all is well in your burbs!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I figure that whatever works for the two of you is good. Perhaps the real posers are the people who complain about you all the time. Just saying!


  6. Thoughtful permalink

    A correction or addition to my thoughts…

    The email link was discovered and sleuthing began four years before anything about femdom was vocalized. It was four more years until M “owned” his desires and confessed what he really wanted in the relationship and meant by “femdom.” This final openness led to the relationship as it is today though by a circuitous route.


  7. Thoughtful permalink

    I have used the moniker, “Thoughtful,” not because I am especially such but because I have given much thought to female-led relationships and your wonderful story. As I have looked through the keyhole, I have been heartened by the fact that you two have stayed together and worked through situations that might have shipwrecked other couples. I admire this greatly.

    In trying to discern a timeline, I was attempting to order things in my own mind. The writing is good (by both though S is more prolific). I appreciate the realism and honesty. Female-led relationships come in varied forms and are sorta like beauty- in the eye of the beholder. I hope you both are doing well.

    It seems there have been natural changes over the years (as in all of life), and I wonder about Guy #3 and Eargasm Guy. While it seems “3 may not be in the picture any more, it looks like Eargasm Guy is around in some form which leads to the question of consistency of contact. A post by S on another blog indicated he was peripheral with not much impact on living (This was years ago.) though other posts seem to indicate that he is quite near in the mind and considerations regarding the future. Does he primarily feed the “cuck” fetish, is he a close friend and emotional support or does he primarily meet a need in S? The writing is very detailed (and good), but these ideas enter my mind. The relationship has been going on a long time. Some posts indicate much contact (every sixish weeks) and others less so (drops off radar for months at a time- don’t know why he’s still around).

    I have been interested in areas which may seem mundane to some. It seems I have come to know you both as a couple. It may be that I am too late to the party for this conversation, but I have enjoyed considering and contributing.


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