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Why did she get so upset ?

by on March 8, 2015

That was the title of the email…
I opened it to read the sender had purchased a CB device and presented it to his wife as a “gift” and explained to his wife how it would help him be nicer to her, help him be a better partner for her. He went on to elaborate how he explained the details how the hornier he was…….. the more interest he had in pleasing her. How being horny made him want to make her happy.

He said he felt this would be a good way to introduce her to FemDom and to her becoming his “Queen” in the near future.

Oh….. but……wait……..

He assured me…….he hasn’t sprung that part of this awesome surprise on her. I’m not sure he is doing her any favors by holding back on her only to spring more on her at a later date.

His reasoning for starting out with the device as a gift and explaining to her how the device would help:

It would be easier to explain being a submissive if she understood how he had to be horny to service her.

Wondering out loud here…….

If he thinks she’s a horse…

Cuz that seems to be grooming….

But what do I know?


Could it be I was the horse the groomer kept dropping the cart in front of for me to trip over…. for way—to—-long?


So now she’s upset and crying and not talking to him….. some days later……and he doesn’t understand why.

So…ummm…..he has no idea why she is so upset about him wanting her to take a piece of plastic, lock up his junk, keep the keys hidden and not unlock him until she thinks he is worthy of being unlocked….. and why can’t she just kick back and enjoy the ride he is proposing.



In a nut shell…….

You effectively told her unless you are horny and kept that way and your dick is in some kind of contraption…..…nothing she needs or wants is important to you. Her work load as your partner in life…… will increase or decrease……..contingent on horniness.

Your investment in her…….

Your interest in helping her, being good to her….

Is now being measured by the firmness of your dick.

You have successfully morphed your dick into a

“treat my dick well and I’ll treat you right”


to indicate

how proficient

she is at being

your fluff girl.


Get your possible “light bulb on NOW” clue here:
The fact being horny makes you more attentive, makes you try harder to please her…………doesn’t make you a special kinda dude…..and it doesn’t mean you are a submissive.

I don’t know a guy out there who isn’t more attentive, who tires harder to please…..when in the throes of hot and bothered and to some degree become a submissive partner.

I do mean I-ME-I.

I don’t know a man who isn’t this way…because I attract men who enjoy being around dominant women.

(The other side to this…is arousal makes some men more aggressive, more dominant…but we aren’t talking about those men….because I have no clue as to how they work or think because my interaction with them tends to be limited. The few dominant men I do have in my world are acquaintances thru our business  …we tend to cut wide berths around each other..out of respect for each other and the people who have to deal with us and our dominant natures.I have no idea what their sexual proclivities are….I just know we are oil and water when in the work environment….it is better for all we play nice.)

Ready for a really ugly slap up side both heads?

There’s no magic in that state…..the state of being horny. The magic is in being able to do/be these things without being horny.

It is how we are designed… matter how you think we got designed…primordial ooze or divinely dropped here by the deity of your choice…..guys are designed to get horny THEN get more attentive.

I’m not knocking men, I’m not attacking men or trying to make them villains. This isn’t a “bad” part of the natural design. I figured this out  about guys some 40 odd years ago when I found out boys were good for more things then being used as roping dummies. Take gender out it……..a horny person is a pliable person.

Hell…….I’m pliable when I’m horny. If I wasn’t……..neither one of my guys would be getting their own wish lists in play.
The difference is…I don’t have to be horny to want to make things easier/better for them and I don’t need them feeding the biological stew/oxytocin lovin’ chemical monkey on my back…… to get me to want to take care of them.

Hey fellas……

Here’s an idea…..find a quiet spot…..rub one off into a towel….then wash your hands and go to work making her happy…….let her alone be your motivation sans all the “feel good” chemicals.

Don’t allow yourself the “horny state” by doing the one thing that will stop it………. before it annexes your rote response to caring about her needs and wants…..her work load and making it easier on her. Train yourself to think without all the naturally induced chemicals pushing you forward.  After you have done this for a few weeks…worked at making her happy without being all hot ‘nbothered horny……

To get in the mood to make her happy…

THEN consider the idea of approaching her with the idea of the chastity.

“I need to be horny… order to want to care about/motivate for….. you”
is really a ~cart before the horse~ thinking process.

In our part of the burbs…… submission isn’t about get horny to be submissive…it is about submission without horny.

If you can’t do it without the horny aspect…then why do you think you are entitled to your partner investing any effort into helping you get what you want?

Where’s the submission in a “as long as I am horny/the hornier I am the better I am at *insert whatever here*”thought process? Is her “crown” as your Queen only wearable by her…if she’s preformed well as your fluff girl?

I have made a concerted effort the last couple of weeks to find blogs on Word Press written by femsubs as well as Male dominants.

I am looking for them……to add to my blog roll…for my readers to check out.  I do read the blogs (in their entirety) that are on my roll. I know what is in the blogs and it won’t be there if I don’t think someone who stumbled into my blog can benefit from the blogs I plop in the roll.

So what’s the big deal here Dipity…….got a point?
Why throw all that here?

I’ve read a lot of M/f blogs lately.
In all my reading over the last couple of weeks (and a few times in the past) and not just in the blogs that ended up in the roll….. I have yet to read a femsub say —–she needs to be horny to feel the need—– to please her Master and work for his greater good.  I have yet to encounter one blog that the femsub stated they need to be in a forced chaste state and how horny they are determines how hard they are willing to work… want to invest her Master’s happiness but even more in his needs.

Could be the difference is in the gender of the submissive….I don’t know.

*looking pensively puzzled*

Female submissives seem to have a better grasp of offering submission without contingencies of

*insert whatever it takes to get you into a sub frame of mind here_______________________*

then their male counterparts.

There’s gonna be a part two…for this.

Fingers crossed I get it here in the next 24 hours…cuz I am herding cats and after I hit post..possibly fighting off villagers with pitch forks, buckets of tar and feathers running toward and screaming at the blasphemous heretic in the double wide trailer at the top of the Burb’s hill.

  1. Would I LOVE to be constantly turned on by my Sir? Hell yes! Does that have anything to do with my submission to him? Not one thing. This is great advice for male or female subs wanting to introduce D/s into their vanilla lives. It’s not about kinky sex. That’s the icing for most of my friends. Submission is about the mindset of ceding control.


    • wildwestangle, thanks much for chiming in.

      I’m still trying to process a lot of what I have been reading about M/s relationships……and still reading……it is the same theme I live…but the differences I read…. at times…. are overwhelming.

      And I have to admit…I did a “nanner nanner” at my husband when I read this:

      Submission is about the mindset of ceding control.

      If I had a nickle for every time I said, (yelled, screamed thru tears)…..these words at him….I could possibly buy a small island!!

      It’s always nice when it is the submissive side preaching it 😉


  2. Smartiepants lee permalink

    My husband did exactly the same thing…

    Sent from my iPhone



    • Hi Smartiepants lee, welcome to my part of the burbs.

      I’m sorry to read this happened to you. It is sadly …..a very common misstep by men who want to get this kink in play.

      I hope you two are finding some level ground to discuss the topic.

      Good luck.


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