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I have no hard limits.

by on March 25, 2013

This deceleration makes me want to grab whoever said it and lock them in a cell for their own safety or possibly for the safety of the kinksters who plays SSC/RACK and stumbles on this ilk as a possible play partner.

When I hear this I think:

At best:

You are new to the kink ways and trying to impress others by using words you read in some story, or got it hanging out in uber-FemDom chat rooms, trying to learn all the right things to say to attract a Domme. You really don’t understand what you are saying or grasp the depth of the danger you are putting yourself in( or the possible Dommes you are chasing off). Being new, eager and wanting to fit in and get the attention you want……. is making you foolish.


Middle of the road -At best:

You’ve played on line only——maybe via chat rooms, email or web cam. You have never truly been at the mercy of a dominant’s flesh and blood hands. You have been instructed to do this or that and you did these things with your own hands and had control of the intensity of the application of whatever activity it is that was used. If you didn’t “like” what was asked you ignored the request or “oppsie lost my net connection.” Backed out….because you hit a hard limit. You went chicken shit and instead of owning it…you bailed on the Domme.

At worst:

You are seriously psychologically unstable,

 At the very worst:

Possibly looking to commit suicide by kink
Either one of these in your make-up…… you have no business playing in the kinky world and I want you off my cloud.
No one deserve to end up living in the nightmare someone like you can create for the other players.


That one statement screams:

 I have no capacity for being a responsible human being; I am a liability to a dominant not an asset. I do not hold myself accountable for my own physical health and mental wellbeing. I have no concept of boundaries and no respect for my own wellbeing and I won’t have any for you or yours. I have no qualms about the damage I do to others.

No dominate who has any sense of the real world, and laws attached to causing even mild harm to another person…. would touch you with a 10 foot strap on. They grasp the ramifications of playing with a bottom that is so careless.

You have no respect for yourself…why in the world would a smart Domme think you would have any respect for her or her own hard limits?

Even under the best SSC or RACK circumstances………. accidents happen…….. so both parties need to be willing to see the clearly defined margins of limitations and know where they are and own their own limitations.

A bottom who says they have no “limits” leaves all the responsibility for safe and sane play on the dominant.

Quite a soap box stomp, eh?

Let’s add some “been here done this real world” stuff to it.

When my husband first dropped the idea of FemDom BDSM on me……he also said “I have no hard limits, you can do anything you want to me.”

I was already freaked out by what he was asking me to do…now he was telling he had lost every freakin drop of coherent commonsense skills he owned.

Not only did he want me to do all the work in our sex life….he wanted me to shoulder all the responsibility for our safety and wellbeing.

Here’s the deal……I’d been living with the man for over 25 years when he decided to ask me to do this…

I KNEW HIS HARD LIMITS…I just didn’t know all of them.

I Knew there were things he couldn’t tolerate during sex, I knew there were things that would flip the

“OH hell no—not-horny-NOW switch.”

Him telling me he “had no hard limits” was disrespecting and shunning MY need for him to get real and be the smart person I knew he was when he wasn’t under the influence of the horny hormones. I was not about to play a kinky game of Russian roulette and pray I didn’t hurt him before he yelled uncle or when he did yell uncle expecting me to back and redo whatever it was until it wasn’t a hard limit.

(Gawd horny hormones……they made him so stupid sometimes, it was hard to believe it was even the same person.)

Calling a spade a spade:

 What “I have no hard limits” really translated to for him was:

“I want it all, everything, just like it is in the vids and stories and I want you to figure out a way to do it for me and I don’t want to have to help you figure it out. I want it to be your idea so I’m not reminded that this isn’t your thing and you are only doing it for me. You try things on me and if I don’t like then I’ll tell you and you can adjust it until I like it.”

That’s not “I don’t have hard limits”…….. that’s a lazy bottom who wants to be serviced by the top that is willing to play

~*~guess what the jackass wants NOW~*~…….at his whim.

That’s not a sub or a slave……..that’s a client.

Needless to say that didn’t fly with me and he had to make a choice…get real or not get anything.

(There’s been a LOT of that kinda “Hell Bitch-FemDomming” around here over the last couple of years.)

I had one guy tell me:

“Since my wife is the Domme I shouldn’t have to worry about or explain my hard limits……it is her job to find my hard limits and break me of whatever hard limits that don’t appeal to her.”

I knew for a fact his wife was totally freaked out by what he was asking her…her idea of kinky sex was doing the deed in the back seat of the car on a country road in the day light.

I told the dude

“Hey cool… me a favor…drop me a note after she tells you to lop off the head of your dick…and let me know how that went…cuz after all you don’t have to worry about hard limits…and it is her job to force you past anything that might look like a hard limit…..….and I plan to tell her to tell you to lop off the head of your dick cuz you told me you’d do anything she told you to do because it’s her job to find your hard limits and break them.”

I didn’t hear from him again…but she still drops me an email now and then to let me know how things are going for them as a D/s couple.

(To date his hard list holds some 45ish “nope can’t do that” things.)

Smart thing to think and say:

I know I have hard limits; I’m just not sure what they are at this point.

Sometimes you don’t know a hard limit til you hit and there’s nothing wrong with that.

We all have ~”nope can’t do that”~hard limits…..the only ones who don’t are the figment of others’ high-volume hot and horny imaginations.

  1. Remember that “I think I love you” thing? I feel I should clarify: The L should be capitalized.

    I think I Love you. 😀

    “Smart thing to think and say: I know I have hard limits; I’m just not sure what they are at this point.”


    And by the way, I kinda like your cloud. Ohhhhh… Look! I think I see Mary Poppins over there!

    :: wanders off to meet Miss Practically Perfect In Every Way ::



    And hang out on the cloud as long as ya want…..did you notice it’s made of spun chocolate?
    And it has NO calories!

    (Watch out for Mary tho……..she gets a bit bitchy when she’s been grazing on the back 40…..that’s where she decompresses so she doesn’t beat the day light out of “I have no limits” bottoms…. with her FemDom umbrella.)


  3. Mary Poppins beating the day light out of “I have no limits” that was funny…..This was a good post and one that I am sure many could benefit from….Everyone has hard limits, or should, how about i stick a curling Iron up your ass and turn it to high, do you think that might be a hard limit….


  4. *High fives Sassy*
    That’s what I’m talking about!

    It is such a pet peeve for me because it is fools like this that end up in the news as a “BDSM” fatality and leave the rest of us to clean up after them.


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