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Step two: Negotiating the contract.

by on March 23, 2013

Just like what it sounds.

The couple negotiates what will be the “D/s” aspects to be added to the relationship.

You can be as formal or as informal as you wish.

Write it down or don’t.

Make a ceremony out it full of flourish and sign it together.

Now days……our “contract” is not in written form and is informal and based on what I can do comfortably… relation to his urges and what he can earn for “good behavior” as a submissive.

The only things set in stone are a few things that go with the poly aspect of our relationship the rest is open and fluid.

At first I had to draw a lot of hard lines for what is and what isn’t acceptable for me as the “Domme”.  He wanted the D/s to permeate every aspect of our relationship and that made me feel smothered.

The thing about elaborate contracts……they tend to add more stress to an already stressed circumstance.

The more rules in play for the “sub” the more work there is for the “Domme” to be enforcing them.

I am a

“Work smarter—–not harder


Keep It Simple Sweetie”

kinda Domme.

I don’t want to be bogged down with a bunch of “you gottas and here-to fore’s” of contractual D/s.

The rules are pretty simple around here:

I’m always the top…even when I not topping.

Any and all kink he gets…….. he has to earn.

He earns his kink play by being a decent, thoughtful partner, doing as asked the way it is asked for. I don’t scream and screech and demand. I ask politely.

He doesn’t walk around expecting to be “Dommed” into anything.

I don’t do honorifics. I am not Ms. or Miss or Mistress; I am not “My Lady” “Queen” or any of the other names that fall into the S.O.P. of D/s FemDom.

We have private pet names for each other…some can be used in public some only used during play time.

I call him “my sub” as a term of endearment because he likes it ( the reward thing at work) not as a declaration of his place in our relationship.

At one point I had to establish “when” the D/s would be in force because he was getting pissy about the fact I wasn’t doing it when he wanted it…problem was…….he wanted it ALL the time.

For a while…I didn’t want to use it anywhere but in the bedroom………it took me a while to get used to playing the D/s game outside that “head space.” I had to define when and how…and what would be the “penalty” for not playing by my rules and it was pretty much this simple:

Don’t play by my rules; you do without your kink wants.


As long as he is playing by my rules….he is entitled to expect and ask for things he is craving. He can’t drop a new idea on me unless we are discussing the D/s arrangement or the conversation was pre-arranged. He can send me an email during the day asking for time to discuss a change or an addition.

And not a damn bit of this worked…until he decided he wanted to work WITH ME.

You can create a contract and negotiate until hell freezes over…but if one part of the couple is slacking and not attempting to work as a team…….it all for naught.

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