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Therapy (Crap…did I just really type that out loud????)

by on March 19, 2013

(Is those villagers’ looking for the pitchfork, matches and kerosene AGAIN???)

WAIT WAIT!

 Hear me out before you assail  my booty!!

(Ha! Ha! Ha! Funny, no?)

I know…it’s almost blasphemous to suggest kinksters seek therapy…

as if the one suggesting is “hinting at the fact the kinkster is sick and needs help for a sickness.”

That’s NOT what I am getting at…

I’m one of you……

not birth by…but by marriage…so give me a sec before foisting me upon the therapy petard!!

Sometimes it helps to have a third-party to take the edge off finding out about partners’ sexual urges if they don’t mesh with our own.

I tried a few times to find a counselor who had some insight into why my husband craved  what he did and why it had the unreasonable effect on him it could have at times.

Back in the “olden days”(*snort……it’s been a long day I feel O*L*D*EN) it was hard to find someone who as willing to talk to me without talking about my husband in a way that made me feel like they were judging him.

I gave up and kept looking for my answers, reading everything I could get my hands on and back then most of what I could get my hands on was at the library and college book stores…..and very clinical………. but there was enough there to show me that my gut was right about the man who could at times gut me.

I’ve said it before…

I never thought my husband was sick, I never thought he was a danger to society…I just didn’t understand what was going on in mind. I didn’t want to have someone tell me WHY he had to be this way….that something in his past caused all this….even as unlearned as I was on the topic of kink…I knew whatever was going on with him was hard wired…he was born to kink.

Now days, thank goodness the psychological profession is becoming more “kink aware/friendly”.  It’s quite common to find people who ARE kinksters themselves in the profession.

If you think you need to talk to someone who will provide a safe, comfortable, non-threatening atmosphere a good place to start is with the NCSF

(National Coalition for Sexual Freedom)

This group isn’t around to talk anyone into or out of a lifestyle…they exist to provide assistance and guidance without judgment and to help ensure freedom to be kinky without being persecuted.

If you are at odds….be it with your own feelings or overwhelmed by the feelings that got you by the gut when your partner shared their desires, consider seeking someone to speak to.

No matter the outcome, you still have to live your life and sometimes it’s good to know you have someone who “gets it” and is there just to listen and help you find your way back to a peaceful spot…no matter which side of the kinky fence you fell off of.

If you are a couple who has a built a life, kids, a house, bills and the whole bit of booty that goes with that…..even if you can’t find some common ground and make things work…..it is so much better to walk away not hating each other.

If one partner won’t go….that’s not a reason for the partner wanting to go to avoid seeking help. It isn’t disrespectful to the one who doesn’t want to go and quite frankly……. any partner who would stop another from seeking help …well if that were me my first stop would be  at an attorney’s office….but that’s me.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help….but do try to find help through kink aware professionals.

And I don’t mean to be flip….but shopping for a therapist is like shopping for the right pair of work out shoes, you may have to try on a few before you find the one you are comfortable with.

Any professional worth their salt is going to understanding that you need to find someone who fits who you are.

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