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Domme you say?

by on March 17, 2013

I still…………

and always will….

snort and laugh a bit when THAT title gets applied to me.

There was a point in time that title made me cringe.

Even made me sick to my stomach…

when I heard my husband use the term for ME.

Now days……….

I snort and laugh.

When someone refers to me as ” Mistress”…

I am DAMN SPEEDY QUICK to point out I don’t use that honorific EVER and I don’t want them using it to address me.

I don’t even let my husband call me that.

WHY  would I let some stranger in a chat room do it? That’s my right as the Domme…or the Mistress… or whatever honorific the chatter uses to float their FemDom fantasy boat. I have no interest in being part of some man’s one hand typing masturbatory adventure. It will always piss me off that the FemDom genre makes men assume if a person is in a spot that is geared toward FemDom…the women there are just waiting with bated breath to do their best “Domme gig” for them and that all women who enjoy a FemDom lifestyle…… are the archetypical stereo type of the celluloid Domme.

Some women enjoy that and to them I say:

Rock on sisters!

But keeeyristalmighty…….

I am sick of having men act like I have lost my ever-loving mind when I explain that I have no interest in their “worship” and not all “Dommes” want men falling at their feet.

The ones who have the stones to tell me if I don’t like it then I’m not really “domme” are the ones who have my BP jumping off the charts and causing the vein over my left eye to throb to the point it is visible to bystanders.






Men of this ilk……give all submissive men–full blown submissive or trying to learn the ways of being submissive–a bad name. These men are a cancerous blight in the FemDom lifestyle. This ilk wants to “dick”tate to the masses what a real Domme is.

(And the flip side……..the ones who want to sit around and tell other men how and why they aren’t being good submissives…..…or tell a Domme how to make their man be a better submissive……or-or-or…I could go on…but…for now…… I won’t…….

*insert bug eyes*…….damn I get sidetracked easy)

I often wonder how many of these man have had a real life partner in a FemDom relationship—if they did——how long it lasted before she kicked his ass to the curb…and how much money they spend on wank fodder and Pro Dommes every month. I want a chunk of that change cause I am betting what they spend would buy me two or three pairs of really top of the line boots, each and every month. ( hey a girl can NEVER have to many pairs of boots!!)

A hard learned line of thought here—and my OWN take on the FemDom lifestyle:

FemDom is about women owning their sexuality, not being ashamed or afraid to take charge, to be dominant.

Finding empowerment in “following their own bliss”.

Not trying to recreate some porn vid or stroke story


 NOT-NOT-N*O*T making a vast amount of changes  to fit into the “ideal Domme idea” of the man who is offering submission.

There was NO-ZIP-NADA empowerment in the way my husband wanted to implement a D/s lifestyle into our sex life because there was NOTHING in what he wanted for me.

BDSM kink doesn’t arouse me. I don’t “think BDSM kink”…and it isn’t because I think it is abnormal or wrong…I’m just not hard wired that way.

Having him do the housework out of submission…..


(insert *deer in the head lights glassy-eyed stare* here)

Am I nuts when I say

That’s what he should be doing anyway….

As my life partner he should pitch in and help when I need it and not wait to be told to do so or expect some kind of “payment”  for his effort at being a decent husband and co parent?

I had no interest in him doing it all the time.

FFS! He’s gone nine to 12 hours out of the day….I have pretty much always been a stay at home mom/wife….what was I supposed to do sit on my ass all day and wait for him to get in to do it?

Then add to the fact if that’s what he was doing…he had no time to spend with me.

He had his FemDom D/s sand castle in the sky decorated with so many things that just would not work for me.

One piece of that décor:

Me……running around barking and screeching orders at him, verbally abusing him, saying things to humiliate, emasculate and degrade him and beating the holy hell out of him as I did this.

This was possibly the most maddening part of his idea of how we should be a D/s couple.

I had “anger management issues” as a kid, but way back then we didn’t have a fancy name for it…back then…….. it was just called being a brat who needed to be taken to the wood shed for an attitude adjustment.

That “to the woodshed idiom”  isn’t a covert statement meaning you abuse and beat the one who needs to learn a life lessons into learning the lsson….….it is a way of saying the kid needed  a stable, loving adult to intervene and administer some TUFF LUV.

Thank God & Goddess……

I had those type of adults in my life as a child.

They taught me to channel anger to fix whatever made me angry, to use it in a positive manner not turn it on the person or object  that made me angry. They taught me stay in control and use sound logic and keep my funny bone exposed, to look for humor in what was making me angry… I dealt with whatever it was that had “set me off”……….. instead of fists, kicks and hateful words.

(That keeping my funny bone exposed was probably the most PRIZED and most used lesson I got…it’s hard to be angry when you are laughing.)

I had many, many trips to the woodshed…as a kid and as a teen.

Every trip made me a better person, a more in control person……a person who knew  I -ME and only ME.

I was responsible for my own actions and the damage my uncontrolled actions did to others…… as I walked the steps toward being a responsible grownup as a wife, mother an overall part of society.

I learned it was my job to control my adverse emotions,  so the emotions didn’t control me and in turn have a negative impact on the ones around me. That’s part of my core make up as an aggressive, dominant women… I can be aggressive without being a hateful tyrant………being able to dominant my OWN negative traits is what makes me a dominant individual.

In one fell swoop…..

my husband expected me to be able to undo all my “woodshed training” to give him what he craved in a D/s lifestyle.

I couldn’t do it…and that was almost the noose around my neck because I gutted myself for a while trying to do it his way.

That wasn’t empowering for me;

that was stripping me of a power I own with self-effacing, unpretentious pride.  

That was taking something from me to get him something his kink beast craved.

The décor in his FemDom sand castle in the sky ……if I chose to live in what he had built would have forced me to make changes that would strip me of who I am so he could have what he wanted. The décor allowed him to give up accountability for all the things that had a negative impact on us a couple and made me the fall guy when things didn’t work because if I did my job “as the Domme” then things would never get out of control because if I had him under my Domme thumb right…he would toe the lines like a good submissive. As the “s” in the D/s he didn’t have to be held accountable… always fell on me to make sure he was “being good”.  He wanted me to drag him to the woodshed and use BDSM to beat and berate him into being a good boy.

He wanted me to undo a whole lot of who I am….to be what he thought would make a “good Domme”.

If that’s what FemDom is….then I don’t want to be the Domme.

  1. Sing it, sister! ^_^


    • Stroke stories that made me giggle. I believe in the woodshed way, the fact that it is unacceptable today it why we have a lot of unruly people everywhere.


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