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Submissive you say?

by on March 15, 2013

For the life of me…

I can’t figure out how the idea erotic and TPE styled submission means being passive and waiting around for things to happen.

Most all women I have talked to have had to deal with a lazy, disengaged partner as soon as the partner claims the title of “sub”.

I had to deal with it.

Men seem to have this idea offering submission means they stop thinking for themselves, they stop initiating any type of sex. They stop being any kind of an active part of the relationship and go brain dead dumb. They dump all the responsibility of wrangling the relationship and life that goes with it right on their partner.

Women who got asked in and agreed to try…end up  feeling  like they are caught in a nightmare game of

“Guess what he wants NOW”


“Okay what do I have to do now to get him to work with me? What carrot do I need at the end of the fetish stick to get his attention this time?”

Like they have to stay right on top of the man……all the time…to get them to be part of the relationship… be it just being a part of the day to day life or the sex life.

The guy seems to think that 24-7 D/s means that it is all kink all the time and he is on the receiving end of kink.

That’s not submissive conduct……that’s a brat juvenile like adult…… in a fantasy world.

It suddenly becomes the woman’s job to force him to get his act together. Worse are the ones who think being submissive means they get to be a jerk because after all……..being submissive is a free pass to wait around and not do anything until ordered to ……it’s the Domme’s job to punish them into being good, to make them behave, to make them “do” things.


MORON….…you just turned your partner into your MOMMY!

Sorry but there is NOTHING appealing or sexy or arousing about having to “mother” my husband.

I am hard wired to NOT be aroused by the act of being a parent.

Just because I am a nester and a nurturer…it doesn’t not mean playing mommy for a grown man…..MY HSUBAND….rocks my world and makes me horny. Nesting and nurturing don’t flip my “hot and horny” switches…in fact that activity tend to flip the horny woman switch into an off mode…until I am OUT of that mode!

(FTR: most women I know are the same way!)

“Be my mommy and make me”

That’s a whole other fetish game…….and if that is what you are looking for then for god’s sake tell her that… honest!

You don’t want D/s…you want an adult baby and mommy relationship.

No? That’s not what you want?

Well then MAN UP. Be a MAN!

Act like a man instead of a spoiled brat who needs a nap and a spanking to get a better attitude.

You do want a spanking? FINE…..but you are going to have to want it in a way that doesn’t make her feel like she is going to be mothering you and that starts with acting like a grown man who is responsible and can motivate without being coddled. It starts with YOU knowing it isn’t her job to baby sit your dick or feed every single fetish urge you have…….. like she is dealing with a spoiled toddler.

Being a submissive isn’t about dumping the responsibility of being a good life partner on your partner…putting her in the position of having to give you what you want fetish wise before you give back.

Being submissive isn’t just about getting your inner kink freak nurtured and stroked.

How’s about we put a more logical spin on the idea of “D/s” submission.

It is about self- motivated commitment…

Say it out loud boys!!


Being dedicated to making sure your partner is happy, content and fulfilled. That she isn’t struggling  to keep up with YOUR kinky nature.

“Submission” isn’t about waiting for her to “Domme you” before you motivate….it is about you staying on your toes and doing for HER.

I always find it just sadly comical that most men who are asking a partner into the life style…would NOT survive 10 minutes with a woman who came into the life style on her own, by her own inborn nature.

If they didn’t have a woman to groom to Domme them, these guys  would be S.O.L in the D/s world….unless they are willing to PAY FOR PLAY.

I have had more than one women tell me that would curb my husband so fast……………. his head(s) would still be spinning a week later.

Why would they curb him?

Because he didn’t get submission isn’t a passive act. It is an act that is full of life and energy. It is an act alive with emotions and expression and not just erotic. It is a self-motivated deed that comes from the heart…not the dick.

He gets what he gets from me now days because he GETS IT!

He knows submissive does not equal inactive, lazy and lethargic until he starts getting what he wants. He knows it means putting effort into me and waiting for me to be ready to play kink with him.

The more effort he puts into me without expecting kink………

without forcing me to “Domme him” …the more kink he gets….go figure.

  1. writingthebody permalink

    My goodness you are fierce. I know we are losers, I know…I can’t even have sex properly. And I am passive in that sense you hate…sorry, and you are right btw, women do not like it, and that is fair too. I do agree with the thing about the heart, and not copping out. I read you for this criticism you offer, I do. Sometimes it hurts a bit….but thank you anyway…I can feel that a bit of the heat here comes also from your disappointments, or work you have had to put in to get him to function.

    Yes, actually, thank you…..I just need to process it a bit…


  2. Oh sweetie! It isn’t hate! Not at ALL!

    Its frustration…..and not angry frustration.

    I’m not angry at men at all…….in fact I’m not angry about anything. I am vocal and passionate to the point of being a zealot at times (insert sorta *shamed blush here*)

    It really is hard to be angry at men for doing what they are told to do…by people who don’t have a clue.

    “Passive submission” is a constant theme for the standard male agenda based ( and most of which is written by men with female pen names)FemDom porn fare and the market overall is driven BY what the male wants to see/hear.

    Think of it as trying to clean up someone’s diet to get them healthy and feeling better…..….. it’s not fair to be angry at someone who’s diet consists of junk food then wants to spit out healthy food when it is served to them.

    I couldn’t afford to BE angry about that…anger is wasted emotion.

    I had to go to work finding ways to make the “healthy food” look tantalizing and more interesting than the junk food.

    Sometimes it takes “tuff luv” to get my husband to drop the junk food and come have a taste of the healthy food and see not only is the healthy food better tasting…it makes him feel better too!

    It’s not anger at all……..
    It’s “let’s fix this so you feel better”


  3. writingthebody permalink

    I did not think you were angry….I could feel the pain in your words. Ferocity is different from anger, and I may be a little off there – perhaps it is intensity. I trust you a lot actually….and if it were anger, i would trust that too. I think the analogy with food is a good one. I know a lot of my stuff is really unhealthy and comes from a bad place, and I cannot overcome all of it. If I could I would have been and would be someone else. Yes, I feel the healing force of your tough love….not sure I can always absorb all that muesli though (actually, I like muesli, but you know what I mean). With much affection…..xcx


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