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How to be a Domme………

by on March 5, 2013

I can’t and I won’t tell anyone “how to be a Domme”.

Being Domme starts with a desire to want to find your own path in the lifestyle. 

You have to want this for yourself, not to just please a partner.

It’s about mind-set and attitude, until you have those two sorted out for yourself no amount of advice or explaining how to use any type of BDSM paraphernalia is going to help you be “The Domme.”

Knowing how to use a toy or execute a certain BDSM activity isn’t going to make it any easier to use if you aren’t comfortable with the idea of FemDom or BDSM.

SSC—Safe, Sane and Consensual is a must and if a woman can’t find a way to be comfortable as a Domme her rights to SSC are being compromised by the person pushing her to be something she isn’t comfortable being.  Agreements reached under duress isn’t consent and it is a formula for building a powder keg in a relationship.

Not all women want to be “the Domme”.

Not all men want to be dominated.

As I have said in other places in the postings, I am not speaking for the “BDSM” world…I am speaking as a housewife who found herself needing to learn about the lifestyle because I am married to a very kinky guy who has a massive domination fetish that became a massive mess for us as a couple.

I don’t profess to have answers about the BDSM lifestyle outside that of being in an F to M relationship that and even in that scope my knowledge is limited.

I have had the great fortune of learning from some amazing, well-educated women in the FemDom lifestyle as mentors and with their help my husband and I have an amazing FLR/FemDom D/s marriage, but it took a lot of work to get us here.

Our way, the way we make it work, the way we have achieved what we have is only one way to building a D/s relationship into an existing long term committed relationship.

If you have questions about the information here but don’t wish to post, you can email me at:

Wank phishers—people looking for a porn version of my life as a FemDom——will be ignored.

  1. I’d love to hear you elaborate on how it’s about mind-set and attitude. I think it would be very helpful to those starting out.


  2. Fallon Fairbanks permalink

    There’s really no substitute for experience and mentorship, imo. When I first started I gobbled up all the books I could find, and later was lucky enough to work with a more experienced mistress. FWIW – I direct tons and tons of newbies to your site as you have excellent takes on the general psychology of FLR.


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