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by on February 11, 2015

I didn’t set out to be part of the BDSM fringe community. I was pulled in by a man who was so conflicted by his own interests it was tearing apart our lives.

One thing I didn’t expect when I got pulled in into the BDSM lifestyle…was to become an advocate for debunking the myths that surround the lifestyle and the people who participate. I never expected to be dragging out my over used soap box to battle the ignorance that surrounds the lifestyle and people.

*plops soap box soundly on floor*


I’m not an authority on relationships…nor BDSM. I don’t need to be an authority on either one to see dangerous ignorance when it is right under my nose.

The statement bobeep heard…is dangerous ignorance and a pet peeve for me.
The statement was above and beyond irresponsible.

Coming out of the mouth of someone who has a public speaking platform and what appears to be hordes of groupies…..makes it dangerous.
The “reading between the lines” statement……. in the statement made…is kinky people are cheaters because of the sexual proclivities they own.

I’ve spent a little over seven years now…getting to know people who are part of the BDSM community on many levels. One thing I have discovered over and over ……….is the fact…..the vast majority respect the sanctity of relationship boundaries.

The group isn’t a bunch of lecherous heathens. They aren’t hanging out waiting to hook up with anyone who happens to pop into the BDSM world…and everyone I know thinks cheating in WRONG. I am so fed up with the notion if you are kinky…you have no scruples. This talk show host just perpetuated that notion in stereo.

People cheat….not because of a lifestyle choice….they cheat because they make that choice in their life. A specific sexual proclivity isn’t going to induce them into cheating.

Anyone who cheats……cheats for reasons only they know…being interested in the BDSM life style…does not mean they are going to cheat. Everyone I know in the lifestyle eschews cheating and the ones who would do so.
As I type away here..I have Monssieur Notasub getting ready for work…..he asked me why I am “angry typing”…..I explained it to him and he smirked and said:
“Gee, maybe the comment was a brilliant statement by a savvy talk show host to get a bigger following? Riding the coat tails of the hype of the Grey hyperbole? Maybe she’s not getting the attention she needs to draw in the funds she wants…so she has jumped on the BDSM band wagon….by way of bashing the band wagon? Maybe she wanted a fight with BDSM community for the ratings factor?”

On that note…..I’m going after more coffee and then a run. If I don’t work some of this annoyance off…I will kill my key board.

From → Amplifications

One Comment
  1. I am so fed up with the notion if you are kinky…you have no scruples.

    You and me both. Every time some jerkwad shows on up Fetlife with some sob story about how his wife doesn’t understand him (yeah, because he won’t talk to her) and how what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her (yes it will, buddy is not nearly as sneaky as he thinks he is), every woman I’ve seen reply shuts him down. I certainly don’t have time for that bullshit.

    Not only do we generally respect commitments because most of us are decent human beings, but scruples aside it’s a terrible idea to get into any sort of BDSM relationship with a cheater. If you need someone who will be honest with you, a cheater is a terrible idea. If you need someone you can trust to do the right thing when it’s not easy, a cheater is a terrible idea. If you need someone who won’t suddenly up and ditch you because his wife is getting suspicious, a cheater is a terrible idea. If you need someone who won’t bring massive drama into your life when his wife finds out, a cheater is a terrible idea. Oh, and it seems like most of us hate being treated like a dirty little secret, which, drumroll please, makes a cheater a terrible idea.


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