NOW…I am stepping in Jello…

I am knee deep in the stuff cuz it won’t stay stuck to the wall.

https://thesuburbandomme.com/2013/04/16/nailing-jello-to-the-wall/

(No I don’t want to wrestle in it.)

Doing a re-read on the nailing Jello to the wall posting…..to check for typos……

(*grimace/blush* I am O.C.D. in my A.D.D. about that….)

ANYWAYS…in the process of the re-read….…..

I had a thought about a man whom I used to spar/scuffle/raucously go round with……any time I tried to discuss the topic of kink in a manner that really picked it apart and examined it…..to get it to a level I could understand—comprehend……or at the very least……. get it to a point I could process it and be able to be compassionate with my husband over things I will never comprehend….man would he get bent out of shape with me.

He would get so angry at me for “being all angsty” for “over thinking it all” for being so uptight I couldn’t just “roll with it.”……….at times he could get downright ugly with me.  He would get so hetup  and rabid frothy over the fact…I couldn’t just take the kink and use it for my advantage and how my hair splitting was taking the fun out of it for others.

He would talk down to me……and at me…he rarely talked “with me”.

He was always too busy defending “his take-his concept—his ideal idea” of what FemDom is…..and pointing out how wrong I was about FemDom……..and well gee-golly-dang-shucks…..…… go figure…..his take…….it was pretty damned male centric /male agenda single-minded……..so yep…we did go round and round because it obvious my take on FemDom is female “finding her own comfort zone” centric.

What really choked me when he started trying to take me to task:

I’ve never held a gun to anyone’s head and forced them to read what I typed……including him.

He didn’t have to read what I typed…….and  the way I dealt with my own issues was no skin off his nose.

I didn’t care how he lived it in his world…but damn he was obsessed with how I lived it and how I vocalized my own ways of living a lifestyle that isn’t inherent to my nature.

I wasn’t trying to tell anyone (then OR now)how to do anything…

I was trying to sort things out for myself……and it just happened I was sorting things a lot of other women ( and men) were sorting thru.

Those types of discussion always brought a wide variety of  people who had some amazing input and their own “angsty/over thinking” questions….and often all of us swapping info…we each came to terms with whatever the topic was……with the help of others…..in our own way….in a way that took the “ick or ouch” factor out of it for us and the person we do this with.

(Yes….

I am “F/m couple centric”…I have never denied that…and I am not ashamed of it…and I will stay that way because it is my wheel house….doesn’t mean I want anyone outside that spectrum to feel comfortable around my part of the cyber burbs, just being honest and frank about who I am…who we are as a kinky couple in our slice of the burbs…….so please know I don’t mean to be “exclusive” I am just a bit to cowardly to venture out of my wheel house when it comes to chatting the dynamics that are in play for kinky couples. )

Heads up:

Don’t like what I say?

Doesn’t fit into your concept of what “femdom” is?

Makes you feel uncomfortable?

My words take the fun out of it for you?

Then have some stones and be accountable for yourself…..instead of trying to make me the fall guy for your choices…….close the blog and walk away……

NOW!

I’m not forcing you to stick around.

In fact my preference would be you get offa my cloud…..

Cuz if you choose to engage me in some kind of discourse…it may be-could be—won’t be—- enlightening discourse…it will be arguing semantics and muddying the waters for the ones who do need this type of:

“I’m not hard wired for BDSM kink….. I want to understand…I need to have things examined so I can process the things that overwhelm me and my partner and cause my partner and I to be at odds”

be it as the “D” or the “s”  assistance and place they don’t feel like they will never fit in…because they NEED to be angsty, over things as they try to process what they have been asked to do.

If you don’t like to have it examined…..might be best you forget where you found my blog….may be best to GO NOW.

CAPICHE?

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Oh…you’re still here?

THEN let me tell you WHY I was so angsty and over thinking and couldn’t just roll with it.

My lusty nature…my carnal nature…….starts between my ears…not my between  thighs…if it doesn’t appeal to my brain…if I can’t process it……then it will never make it to my crotch to get me revved and ready.

I have found most women are like this ~not all~ but many of the women I have talked to who do practice so form of kink…have to be able to process the whole set of happenings in their brain, in some way that appeals to them….. before they ever let their crotch get involved.

To just assume a woman is gonna get all starry-eyed and soppin wet because you offered to let her tie you up, lock up your dick and put clamps on your nuts( or insert your fav fetish *heaves thumb over shoulder* over there)…is  a foolish folly.

I don’t “Domme” from my crotch….

I Domme from my heart ……using my brain.

THAT turns me on and in turn gets my husband the kinky play he craves….and out of all the women I know who do have some form of the life style in place…every single one of them are the SAME WAY (75ish and counting)

GUYS:

Please don’t use a cookie cutter on your partner when you ask them to consider the lifestyle…and don’t discount her need to understand what is being asked of her……. by telling her she is taking the fun out of it….or over thinking it…..or being to angsty….or-or-or…..get the gist?

😛  ~*~     🙂     ~*~  😛

Or do you need jabbed with the gist stick a bit more?

😛  ~*~     🙂     ~*~  😛

(OH hey look!

I can stick my tongue out!!

Ya had to be there I guess…..

But I gotta thank Monkey guy and The Lady Feve for teaching me how to stick my tongue out!)