Eargasm Guy
I talk a lot about Eargasm guy……but I don’t say much about him.
Here’s how he got his nick name……it’s in the comments section:
https://thesuburbandomme.com/2013/03/16/what-is-kink/
He is a man with a lot of demons….. he’s lived a hard life—much of it due to bad choice and vices that have some damned dark demons attached.
First time I heard Kenny Chesney:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2r3YwxTmnE
I got a little weepy…because the song so reminded me of him.
A lot of what Kenny does…….reminds me of this man.
*Laughing to myself here*
He didn’t listen to country music at all when I meet him…in fact he said he couldn’t handle the hick twang thang…..then he stopped and laughed at himself and what he had just said.
It dawned on him the nude women he had his arms wrapped around can’t talk without a little bit of the hick twang thang….and if she’s had a couple of drinks she loses the ability to keep the hick twang thang from really being exposed and that night…she had had four shots of Patron before shoving his ass on the bed and having her way with him……and why he was holding the woman with the hick twang thang…is his arms.
Now days……. it is pretty much all he listens to.
The first time he heard the song…was with me….and he pulled me next to him and just held me…my body swaying with his, in the dark, in the middle of his living room floor. I cried because his demons scare me……. for him. I worry about him, a lot. He’s really not the kind of guy I could ever imagine myself attracted to…..I like bad boys…but I like responsible bad boys….weekend warrior bad boys…not all the time bad boys.
Only married once, divorced after nine years because his wife cheated on him. I am the longest standing relationship he has been in since his divorce.
For the first couple of years I knew him..he dated..a lot. Then he stopped dating. This made me sad because I do wish he could find the right woman and have a real life—not this part time life he has with me.
He is almost five years younger than me and he loves the fact he is seeing an older woman. He doesn’t love the fact the older woman he is seeing……really belongs to another man…..but when I am in his arms, his bed, he pushes that aside.
He is an east coast second gen Italian…and it is ~*~“YO, fugeduhbodit yous…you stunods”~*~ in your face obvious. He whispers in my ear in Italian and makes my whole body feel alive, like there is electricity in his words and breathe.
He’s taught me to swear in Italian and he laughs at me because my hick twang thang really screw over the diction.
He makes me laugh so hard sometimes I can’t breathe when he tries to woo me with his own hick twang thang. Imagine Christopher Moltisanti a/k/a Michael Imperioli (think Sopranos) trying to impersonate G.W. Bush.
It makes him crazy to watch me eat an ice cream cone. He will physically shiver watching me take the long slow licks around the cone.
He’s a blue-collar working man….he can’t afford to indulge me the way my husband can and it bothers him. That doesn’t bother me in the least. He does indulge me and he does it in ways that still have me amazed. He is the kind of guy who will stop along the side of the road and pick me a bouquet of wild flowers. He collects sea glass and saves it for me or takes me to the beach and we walk for miles looking for sea glass.
His hands are rough and calloused from the work he does and I love the way they feel on my skin. A man’s hands tell his life story. His hands are alive with stories, the scars of his work and his passion for his hobbies.
His eyes are emerald green and his five o’clock shadow looks like a two-day growth for most men.
He’s not BDSM kinky…but he is kinky. BDSM kink scares the hell out of him.
He steals my panties out of my suit case and then sends me pictures of him in them. He isn’t into being force femed…this is his way of having me close to him when I’m not there with him.
He loves seeing me in my Domme gear……my thigh high boots….bustier and a leather skirt with my crop in my hands but he hates pain and has no interest in being BDSM dominated.
He has no interest in submitting to me…but he is all over the idea of having me take him aggressively.
He has no interest in submitting….. but quite often he is more submissive then my husband because he isn’t thinking about being submissive for the reward of BDSM. His submission comes in the form of him indulging me on a shoe string and acquiescing to my whims. There is honesty to his compliance that I don’t even know how to put into words. I know what it looks like, feels like —–but there are no words for it.
He gets moody when it gets close to time for me to leave him. He gets quiet and a bit sullen. He knows where I am going, he knows I am going back to the man I truly belong to and it hurts him. I cry when I leave him because I hate the fact having him my life causes him this pain. He tells me he isn’t a real man because a real man would never share his woman, and then he backs off, because he knows if it wasn’t for the other real man in my life I wouldn’t be in his. I know being caught in what he is caught in goes against his very nature but he tells me I am his favorite addiction and to be honest….he is mine.
This is the man who helped me “cuck” my husband….the man who brought polyamory into my life because he agreed to consent to some things. I care deeply for him but he will never replace my husband. But at times—even my husband isn’t sure he can’t take his place.
I am not in love with the other man…but I do love him. My body aches for his touch and I miss him sometimes to the point it makes me irritable with my husband.
My husband knows all these things.
My husband knows I am missing the other man tonight because I am sitting here in a tattered Ivy League jersey from his alma mater (HA! Bet none of you saw THAT coming!) the man gave me back when I first started seeing him.
My husband is sound asleep beside me as I sit here typing. He fell asleep after asking me what I was writing about this time. I told him and he smiled, nodded sleepily and told me not to sit up to late and dozed off. He dozed off knowing I am worried about the other man……and that I a missing him.
He knows all this because all this is transparent…I keep no secrets from him…..I don’t avoid saying things to spare his feelings because in the long run that would be cruel.
All that said and done….to all the guys out there with the starry-eyed notion it would be so way awesome to be cucked…..
Are you strong enough to cope with what my own husband copes with?
The Suburban Domme 
A very raw look at your feelings and your relationships.
Thank you.
xoxo
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You are welcome.
I have to admit, reading it in the light of day after a few hours sleep I did the *face~palm* thing …….thinking:
“I really shouldn’t post while under the influence of Kenny and Chianti.”
Not because I am ashamed of what I feel or what I wrote about how I feel.
I hate it when I get that vulnerable and it shows.
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Believe me, I understand. I’ve deleted posts before, hopefully before anyone saw them. Writing is an exercise in excising all the deepest and the most superficial parts of ourselves. Vulnerability is bound to shine through every once in awhile.
It’s beautiful to witness, the fragility of the human spirit. Doesn’t mean we like seeing ourselves do it though. 😉
Xoxo
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He sounds very sweet…..and he will need some loving care as well as the right to your bed at times….am I strong enough? Yes, I found out I was, but it is a surprising and rich journey, with lots of care needed for all three – and respect for the private spaces in the two main sexual relationships….a lot of cucks seem to think they should be in the corner watching….that is not exactly a recipe for intimacy for anyone….nor is the sex for the cuck’s benefit as such. It shouldn’t be….nice post of course.
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WTB…you just hit my list of “Guys who get it”……….and at this point it only had two names on it. 🙂
You may not have any idea of how rare it is to see a GUY talk about privacy, personal space and respect when the words “cuck or poly” are the topic….but it is rare and it is good to spot something so rare with my morning coffee.
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With my morning coffee….that made me smile….especially since I am just having one of those as well! And thank you.
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A beautiful story of the many ways we love others, a connection of your husband to the other man who he loves as well, because he understands how the other man loves you.
In my first marriage my brother in-law told me he loved me, I told my husband about it. My husband said to me, why wouldn’t he love you ? I do !
Kathy
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I know this isn’t cheating. I know you and your husband both agreed to this. I understand the dynamic cucking brings to D/s relationship. I understand how the ‘cuck’ is immersed into a new level of erotic humiliation through cuckolding. But as I read about your relationship with ‘Eargasm Guy’ I see I am not reading about a woman who is ‘cucking’ her hubby, but a woman who is having a passion filled love affair with someone she admittedly ‘loves’. What you are describing is NOT cuckolding.
When I read how you describe ‘Eargasm Guy’ I can see the genuine affection you have for him. You “are not in love with the other man……….but you DO love him”. A woman who cuckolds her husband in a D/s relationship doesn’t do it for love, (of another man), but to exert her dominance and will over her sub hubby for her own PHYSICAL pleasure and to cement her hubby in an inescapable mix of humiliation and shame. This is ALL in the context of a loving dynamic between the wife and her husband. Cuckolding is a ‘tool’, like a vibrator, or sexy shoes. When you “love” your ‘other man’, it’s a love affair; yes, there’s a difference.
I was in pain as a read how wonderful your relationship is with ‘Eargasm Guy’. It brought me back to a time my wife described an extramarital affair she had had with one of our friends. It was funny reading your descriptions of laughs you shared with ‘Eargasm Guy’ and ways that he made you feel. It really was so eerily similar to how my wife described the man she ‘was not in love with…….but loved’.
I was in pain as I thought about ‘Eargasm Guy’ longing for you as he sits alone knowing you are in bed with your husband writing about him; (BTW ‘Eargasm Guy’ loves, and is in love with you). I was in pain thinking about your husband reading this and knowing that there are longings you have, (not just physical, but emotional), that he cannot fill, but another man can and does. And I was in pain for you as I read how you ache for his touch and long to be with him.
Please don’t think I’m judging or criticizing, I’m not. I’ve read your posts. You’re a wonderful, intelligent, funny woman who your husband KNOWS he is blessed to call his wife. He is EQUALLY blessed that you come home from ‘Eargasm Guy’s’ place to him. I know what sub-space is and I know that no action is as effective as cuckolding when it comes to transporting a sub there. Just the threat of cuckolding will send most subs into subspace. Creatively describing being serviced by another man; a ‘real man’ can provide a level of humiliation that is unparalleled! But what YOU have is bait that hides a hook! This is a powder keg in a sparkler testing factory. Mark it down, there will be terrible casualties.
P.S. NO! I would NEVER have guesses Eargasm Fugeduhbodit was an Ivy Leaguer!
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Hey George, welcome to my part of the ‘burbs.
I gotta ask…
Who died and left you the decree architect/keeper of the classification tome for the female dominant?
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Not the exact response I expected…….but pretty close.
The book hasn’t been written, it’s BEING written by all who participate. I’m just not a fan of the kind of destruction the relationship you described will cause.
Thank you for the kind welcome.
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Ya know George…I could have deleted your response to this blog…I chose not to because I would prefer to have a discussion with you.
Now that I have your attention can we drop the blowing sunshine up my skirt fake flattery and get to the root of your problem?
You are angry with your wife and want to take it out on other women…..still wanna talk?
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I’m wasn’t being fake, nor was I trying to be flattering. I was just calling it how i see it. I have read your posts and think they could only have been written by someone who is intelligent, funny and yes: wonderful. But THIS post illustrates a path has only one destructive destination.
I went through several emotions when a third party was introduced to the marriage. Anger was CERTAINLY one of them. Am I still angry at ANYONE who was a player? No. Was my response to this blog fueled by resentment or contempt for women? No. Am I trying to ‘take anything out’ on you or anyone else? No, quite the contrary!
I’m happy to talk; please excuse me if I don’t give immediate responses, I’m kind of multi-tasking….. (NO, I’m not doing THAT!) Get your head out of the gutter! 😉
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I started this blog because I was up to my eyeballs with men telling women —what is what— and how to be “The Domme” in a FLR/FemDom lifestyle…how this is a tool or that is the right way and this should go like this and on and on and on.
With the exception of my mentor who is a Domme, has lived the lifestyle over 30 years….. who does live a lifestyle very similar to mine, (including a play partner that she cares very much about…but is not in love with)…….but came into the lifestyle by her own BDSM interests…
Outside that one woman……
I couldn’t find one single word that came from women that spoke about the emotions/the pitfalls/the highs and lows…….of being in the lifestyle as a dominant…..it was always men telling me what I should and shouldn’t be…how I should or shouldn’t do this or that.
I was sick and tired of the S.O.P. of the male agenda driven version of female dominant relationships.
Reread your initial reply……rethink it….cuz damn dude…….
That’s exactly what you have done.
Let’s get back to square one…go back and read this post…..and consider the warning flags that are in…pay attention to the words transparency and the very last line. Read it without factoring in your own history with your wife……read it for what it is….frank and flat out brutally honest to serve as a heads up for those thinking “gee wouldn’t it be cool if”.
Don’t interject/project ~your male libido driven concept~ of what cucking is…..forget the word cucking…….if you have read my blogs…you know why that word gets used.
I get the multitasking stuff.
I run an engineering consulting business and manage a day trading portfolio from my living room/kitchen/laundry room or whatever room I happen to be in when either one needs my attention.
And spend the day playing telephone tag with both my husband and the other guy…along with kids who don’t grasp the cord is cut…….and prospective clients who are even more demanding and childish then the kids who don’t grasp the cord is cut…….so fast turnaround for me…won’t be the norm.
Today is a rare occasions when there are no fires smoldering.
I have the luxury of leisure time to be on line for something other than putting out fires.
Take your time, reply when you can.
I’ll give you credit…you have stones….I expected you to either rip me a new one and tell me to go piss up a rope…or just flat out fall off the part of my cyber planet the burb is on.
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You want to have a discussion with me but because I am a man, my opinion has no merit!?
You got angry with blow-hard, topping from the bottom wannabes so your taking it out on other men!?
I cannot read, listen to, or watch ANYTHING without interpreting it with my mind which has been formed through the culmination of my personal life lessons, education, joys, sorrows, experiences, and yes; pains. That’s NOT to say that when I read about a married woman being with another man I will IMMEDIATELY file it under: been there, done that, it’s a deadly powder keg! I AM open minded, but I am NOT empty minded.
Because I have experience in cucking as well as extramarital affairs, I shared. My experience with BOTH is not only from my own prospective, but from LONG, intimate discussions with everyone involved.
With regards to cucking, I am a man. Yes, I DID express MY understanding of this aspect of the FLR/FemDom lifestyle. I did, however, discuss the dynamic from BOTH points of view, not my own selfish ~male libido driven~ one. Nor was my understanding of the subject gained from solely my wife, but other WOMEN as well. I’ll forget the word cucking though, I get it.
The transparency you mentioned was clearly expressed, (no pun intended), and I ALSO am familiar with the very real LIMITS of human strength!
I carefully read when ‘Eargasm Guy’ told you that he doesn’t feel like a real man because a real man wouldn’t share his woman. In his mind you’re HIS WOMAN! That’s not my selfish imposition of how I think things shoud be in a given lifestyle, that’s a man knowing the mind of a man.
I appreciate your warning to those who think; ‘gee wouldn’t it be cool if’. I DO!
I DO NOT think you’re wrong in pointing out that MANY, no: MOST men try to define D/s relationships for themselves AND their Dommes. This is, as I know you are intimately aware, a lifestyle MANY men approach/blindside their wives with!
I see the warning flags and heads up signals your sending, and I see why your sending them. Do you see the warning flags and heads up signals I’m sending, and why I’m sending them?
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In case you missed the blog posts about his cheating:
I’m baffled as to where I dismissed any merit in what you have said…it is a conversation…..a developing one.
If you have been reading my blogs ……..you know I don’t pull my punches and I am a “cut to the chase right down to the bone” styled writer….so I guess I’m not sure what you expected from me? Am I suppose to change my writing style for you?
The only warning I see in your words are……since it failed for you….we are doomed here also.
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Two questions:
Where did I indicate your opinion has no merit?
Have you by any chance read the blog enough to know my husband cheated on me?
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In the context of you saying that ‘exactly’ what I have done is insert my male driven version of what female dominant relationships should be, and as a prelude, indicating that this is very behavior that you were sick and tired of, I felt the content of my input would be viewed as unmerited by you.
A stretch?
OK, I’ll concede the foul.
No ma’am, I have NOT read about your husband’s cheating. I WILL read the posts you linked.
I DO very much like and RESPECT your style, and you’ve greatly exceeded my expectations!
Since it failed for me, you’re doomed?
That’s not what I have intended to express. I have known three couples who were swingers, (I get it; different scenario), ALL three are now divorced – as a direct result from that activity: (I am not included the aforementioned group). Did the ‘swinging’ doom them? No. They ALL fell for their swinging partners! And YES, even the partner pairings failed!
In an earlier post you wrote about ‘other’ men and your initial introduction into the poly lifestyle. Am I wrong in saying that your relationships with those men were different than the one with ‘Eargasm Guy’? It seemed like there was a much greater barrier between your heart and your passion. When I read about that arrangement, (before reading this post), I thought you were ‘clicking along’. What I wrote about ‘Eargasm Guy’s’ feelings in my first response and following are where my warnings are coming from. My issue isn’t with poly, it’s with DEEP emotional attachment. Those fires burn HOT, and they consume!
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Okay George…we kind of have a apples and oranges(and bananas and porcupines) conversation going on here….and it would seem you haven’t read my blog as thoroughly as you indicated in your initial comment.
There weren’t “other men” as in a bunch of random hook ups……I’ve no idea how you came up with that thought.
There are three men in my life:
Frankly
*chuckling as I type this*
You have me scrambling thru the blog overall…because so much of what you mention has been addressed at some point or another…..and it’s been while since I did much reading i my own blog.
As I was replying to previous commentary…..I was considering you had read my blog thoroughly.
No harm no foul…..it’s a lot to wade thru…it’s four years of hit and miss and there is no rhythm or reason to what when or how I blog what I do….my thing with Eargasm guy is going on seven years the 28th of this month. The wild card guy..yes…he’s still in my life…….he’s still my husband’s best friend…and no..I still haven’t had sex with him.
These are the ONLY men in my life…..there will be no more…….I want no more….but my husband wold love for me to have a revolving door stable of men……he can wish in one had and crap in the other…and see which one gets full first.
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Oh and no..I don’t think your comments or opinions are unmerited…..it just had me somewhat baffled…because I was replying based on the fact I thought you’d read the blog overall. I’ll get to that later…..I’ll let you catch up with the links.
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I’m apologize for the delayed response. I’m in a VERY similar boat as yours in that I am someone who is pulled in several directions at once!
Well, I read ‘synopsisicily speaking’ and ‘mused again’. No, I hadn’t read those prior to commenting on your ‘Eargasm Guy’ post. I’m with you 100% in the way you discern between a ‘fling’ and an ‘affair’. (cheating is cheating, but there absolutely is a difference between going stupid and pursuing, cultivating and falling for another). I’m with you 110% when you discuss how the fact that you weren’t given a ‘choice’ in the matter was the deepest part of the betrayal!
I’m VERY SORRY if going back here on my account has caused you or your husband pain. My situation was not the EXACTLY the same, but I do believe that ONLY someone who has been there can TRULY understand the wounds it causes and the scars that remain. I REALLY like your views on the futility of ‘digging up old bones to pick’. For me it was similar: post recovery I chained it to an anchor, threw it in the ocean and put up a ‘no fishing’ sign. Kudos to you!
I had read ‘three (not so) blind mice’ parts one and two prior to my original comment. These men; #’s 2 & 3 were the ‘other men’ referenced in my last comment. I did NOT know ‘Eargasm Guy’ was #2. When I read ‘not so blind’, I pictured dear and close friendships between you and #2 & #3, (more so with #2), but the relationship you described in the ‘Eargasm’ post seemed different, (that’s why I didn’t connect him as ‘not so blind’s’ #2).
I thought he was someone different because I got the impression that, although you had a ‘loving’ friendship with #2, there were some very clear, distinct and established separations in the arrangement. It seemed like what you had was just the pleasure of each other’s company and when it was time to go, you both went on with your separate lives. Perhaps you were both refreshed by the time you spent together, but outside of looking forward to seeing each other the next time I didn’t think you’d go through the anguish I read about in ‘Eargasm Guy’. Am I overstating your association or the angst that arises when you part ways?
I’m seeing the semblance of apples, oranges, (and bannanas and porcupines), but I don’t agree that that’s what we have here. My caveat kind of relates to how you distinguish between a fling and an affair. When I read ‘Eargasm Guy’ I felt like I was reading a genuine, and somewhat tragic love story expressed with a degree of lament. Am I wrong?
Seven years is a pretty solid testamony for making the case that ‘it works’! (We thought 12 years was a pretty strong argument for the case that our marriage was working too).
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The best answer I have for everything you have asked in the above:
I am a am quarter Irish/ Lenape(Delaware) Indian……I descend from scalp hunters and Druids.
And as my daddy(who passed me the Lanape Druid DNA) says:
That’s makes for some kind of whoop ass crazy when it is applied to the people I care about…and makes for nightmares for people who cross me.
(No that’s not a threat…..you have baffled me…but haven’t crossed me.)
I am a passionate person…..I invest myself wholly in the people who matter to me.
I don’t do anything half assed.
Not knowing how much of the blog you have read beyond the cuck stuff…..if you will take the time to read it all..I think you’ll be able to answer a lot of the wondering you have ( or haven’t) expressed.
I don’t have a lot of time for angst…tho I do have my moments of angst…but I work thru them PDQ. There is no lamenting..just me offering a frank look at what our life looks like…in order to help others make smart choices…..or in hopes they will.
As far as the topic of my husband’s infidelity…..I’ll live/he’ll live……the scar gets bumped now and then and I deal with it and move on…again…..my (his)angst is momentary…….I (we)have to many things I (we)want to accomplish in my (our) life to spend the time it takes to nurse old wounds.
You seem to be making parallels that don’t really fit…..and I am wondering what type of history you are drawing from..to make these parallels.
Would you be willing to share some sort of synopsis of the back story on how/why things went wrong for you and your wife?
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A person’s parentage and progeny can provide incite into why, and HOW they do the things they do. Thanks.
I’ve read beyond the poly/cuck facets in your blog. I don’t find myself left wondering with it. (Believe it or not, i would have guessed Native American, and the red hair, well….). I SEE your passion in your writings and would wholly expect you to give your all in ANY relationship/friendship/liaison.
*I’m chuckling now*
I am engaged in four different sectors of the workforce. Three of which I own and operate businesses, and one where I serve as a professional with a team on technical projects related to integrating electrical systems in manufacturing facilities. In ALL areas of what I do, different as they be, ‘helping people make smart choices’ is the axiom!
Regarding myself and my wife; I’ll live/she’ll live. We’re like you and your husband in that we don’t waste time and energy going back there. Again, like you two, when the scars get bumped we deal and move on.
Why offer a warning or concern with what I’ve read on this post and what type of history am I drawing from to think there could be land-mines in this field? What I’ve seen, with my own marriage and others is that what starts out as one thing CAN become another. The frustration expressed in your description of ‘Eargasm Guy’, the fact that he stopped dating, and ESPECIALLY when he tells you he ‘doesn’t feel like a real man because a real man wouldn’t share his woman’, is indicative of a relationship in flux. My apprehension comes from having witnessed the devastating turns these take.
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Well George………
Since you aren’t willing to share any historical fact as to how and why things went wrong for you and your wife and the cuckold kink…..
To clue me into the “why” of parallels and warnings you have made…
Fathom your own characterization of the cuckold style of domination….
So I can make balanced observations and productive, practical commentary for my readers…..… of where and how our circumstances are similar or different…….
So others who read my blog can make smart choices and avoid the pitfalls……by learning from the conversation…
The only option I see left is to say:
Warnings duly noted and your empathy for Eargasm guy and my husband…….also……. duly noted.
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