Mused again.

 Writing the body has done it again! 😉

A reply that got messed up here:

Synopsisicly speaking

Actually………when I sat down to add the missed C&P section of my original reply to him…I realized there was so much more that needed to be said…if what I was saying was going to make sense.

From my reply to WTB:
Quote:

~~~Who I sleep with is 100% his business
Not clueing him in and letting him know what’s up…….~is cheating~…….and not only that…… he may not be jumping in bed with me when I am with another guy……….but he effectively sleeps with whomever I sleep with…….and we both sleep with anyone my partners has slept with.~~~

_________________________*****_________________________

What made me the angriest when my husband confessed to his fling…..he took away MY right to choose…to sleep with the woman he slept with.

That was the deepest part of the betrayal…the hardest part to get over.

He came home and for few days life went on between us as a “no infidelity attached” couple, including our sex life.
We were a couple who knew where our sexy bits had been…without a doubt. I had no reason to be concerned about the risk of STD’s…because well…my partner was faithful.

Yes it bothered me that he’d had this kind of intimate contact with another woman.
That did rip my heart to pieces and it did an ugly wicked number on my ego.

 
But what made me blind raging angry….was the fact he took MY right to choose to sleep with her…have sex with her…… by having uniformed sex with him after the fact…because he wasn’t 100% honest with me when he hit the front door when he got home from the trip.
He had sex with me three times before he confessed to what he had done….three times he took my right to choose away.

 
AT this point in our life “FemDom-D/s and BDSM weren’t even topics around our place. That topic didn’t even become a topic between us until maybe two years later…long after the mess he’d made was semi dealt with and the open wounds were  past the healing phase and starting to scar over.

Let’s face it; this type of gaping wound never heals without a tender scar that can be ripped open with a couple of thoughtless—genuinely thoughtless–not hatefully thoughtless— words.

I was well aware of his kinky nature…I have been juggling his kinky veiled requests from the very start of our relationship.
I was semi aware he had an interest in BDSM styled kink ….because I knew the type of porn he preferred…. ….but I had no idea how deep the desire was nor did I know the roots of the kink lay in his urge to be dominated.

 
At this point in time he hadn’t vocalized any specifics about what he craved…..it was all still very much a guessing game for me….as in “Guess what kink he is obsessing over this time” and all kinks he obsessed over ……..over all……always involved some form of domination……and 95% of what he craved put him in the position of being dominated. ( That odd ball 5%…another story for another time.)

And I ramble…..getting back on track:

If I ever wanted to punish him for anything related to his infidelity…really make the punishment emotionally painful…..it was the fact he took my right to choose away from me when he didn’t give me a choice to say no the first time we had sex after he had sex with her.

Who I choose to have sex with will always be his business because I will never disrespect him and our life together…the way he did me.
He will always have the right to say NO……to being forced to have sex with anyone I have sex with…after the fact.

THAT is his penance because it is always a reminder of how he betrayed me……by taking my right to choose.

This one single thought…

IS  the hair shirt of contrition–the albatross around his neck……

that he will wear for the rest of his life with me.

He wears them by choice…not by force.
He’s free to shed the shirt and walk away from me.
Because he always has choices….he always has the right to say no.