Does it really matter if it is a red hot poker?

I don’t know why it matters to others…..

but for me…..

the reason I spend time trying to dissect the nature of this word…..

is because of the metaphysical form it takes on when used in a discussion about sexual proclivities.

One word…becomes the catalyst for circles-inside-circles-inside circles.

When things were sliding down hill and our life was being turned upside down by this part of his nature…he would always resort to saying to me:

“It isn’t working because you aren’t kinky”

It wasn’t always worded that way……but it always translated to THAT.

And my answer was always:

FUCK YOU —–YOU FUCKING SELF RIGHTEOUS PRICK!

Who died and made you the tsar of kink and what is or isn’t kinky? Where do you get the right to govern what is or isn’t kink and call the shots for the dynamics for how one is or isn’t kinky?

There are certain things I HAVE TO HAVE……..to be aroused….but because they didn’t fit into “his ideal idea” of what is kink….in his mind….they don’t qual as kink.

Because what I NEED………. didn’t involve cucking, butt plugs, whips and chains,chastity, cb6000’s birlocked– gizmos and gadgets—-the whole shebang of BDSM and everything “FemDomish”  and me tweaking HIS domination fetish—–then I wasn’t “kinky—didn’t have any kinks”…….he thought he had a right to make THAT kind of judgment call on MY sexual NEEDS.

That ONE freakin word……is like a hot poker to ram in someone’s eye when a couple can’t find a middle ground to just TALK about the sexual nature of who they are as a couple.

It’s a very frequent and common problematic line of thought for women who get asked to play along to feed kinky wants of their man….if by nature they aren’t hard wired to have an interest in BDSM or other “edgy type” sexual activities.

Many men dismiss their partner’s wants and needs because they don’t respect the fact her “wants and needs” ARE HER KINKS.

In this post:

https://thesuburbandomme.com/2013/03/16/shes-so-vanilla/

I come at the topic from a different angle…..it is still the same topic.

Now flip the coin.

The word hurled in an argument….

from an angry partner….

used in a manner to make the “kinky one feel like a deviant”

“You’re sick! That kink stuff is sick! You’re a pervert! Kink is sickness!”

What the partner doesn’t realize……is they DO HAVE their OWN kinks…..things that have to have to get aroused……the fact that what they want doesn’t fall into the same spectrum as that of their partner….doesn’t mean there is something wrong with their partner….what this partner is doing is no different from what my own husband was doing to me:

Quantifying “kink” in a way that works to make their own argument stronger.

All the sudden the one who owns a set of “kinks” …………..is grouped into a wide range of behaviors that are deemed socially unacceptable and could cost a person their job, their marriage, their kids…and…ya see where I am going with this?

Again…

I am NOT trying to reinvent the wheel…or make fire more fiery…or water more watery.

My desire to dissect this damn word comes from knowing the damage of what happens to a couple when they don’t both hear the word kink….and think along the same line.

They don’t have to think exactly alike…..but seeing the word in a favorable light, in a way that doesn’t have the partners working against each other……  to have it applied reasonably and respectfully to other partner’s carnal needs and wants…could be a starting point that stops them from ripping each other to shreds.

I wish I could say I never hurled the word kink at my husband in a manner that it left my mouth with the intent of flaming him and causing him agony.

I could tell you I never did…

but I’d be lying…

.and I haven’t lied to this point in this blog…

I’m sure as hell not gonna start now.