Porn is EVIL!
How’s that to send people looking for pitchforks, matches and kerosene?
I can hear the villager stomping up the hill now to storm my castle, tar and feather me then hang me from the flag pole in my front yard.
Do I think porn is evil?
Yes and no……..more what I think is porn is benign but the ones who use it aren’t ………..if they can’t distinguish between the fantasy and the reality of what is what.
My husband was one of those who couldn’t distinguish.
The proverbial “chicken or the egg” question for me has always been
Did he have these kinks before he found the porn that correlates to what ever his kink jones at the time is?
I think my husband’s kink nature is inborn……he is hard wired for what he craves, if he wasn’t the porn would have no effect on his thought process for what he wants.
I think this because I have the odd skewed view of two men….one who finds BDSM porn enthralling another who finds BDSM porn terrifying.
Guy number two ………
Isn’t hard wired for BDSM or the porn that goes with…that type of porn has no appeal for him.
Yes he likes porn but his porn tastes run more toward the standard fare of just plain’ ol get naked and fuck type porn.
Some light girl on girl and some tame three way……is all he wants to look at.
When it comes to the thought of doing anything he sees in porn real time……nope…not even a tiny bit of interest, he is strictly a voyeur and he only wants to be a voyeur in the privacy of his own home. He’s a fairly reserved guy when it comes to his sexual nature. In bed he’s adventurous but anything painful is off limits. He asks about what I do with my husband and when the chatter turns to the BDSM aspect of what I do, he visibly cringes. He can’t get his mind around what my husband craves. He tells me all the time if he and I were a couple there’s NO WAY he would tolerate me bedding other men. The fact I am a gregarious flirt drives him bat shit bonkers. I have to tone this part of my nature down when I am with him.
My husband……..
*insert exasperated sigh and eye roll here*
A whole other animal when it comes to BDSM and kink and the porn that goes with the lifestyle.
I don’t think the porn he looks at creates the kink urges he has…but I do think—-strike that—I do KNOW what he looks at influences how he wants what he wants.
We are old enough that there was a time when he didn’t have instant access to a porn buffet at the tip of his fingers. The first ten years or so of our marriage were complicated by his kink nature but porn didn’t have a huge hand in shaping the way he pushed to get what he craved.
Enter the internet.
My husband is an IT geek……we have always had the newest and fastest electronic gadgets in our house as soon as they hit the market.
Until the internet became an every day part of our life his access to porn was limited to what he could buy at the local adult shop….and at times there wasn’t even an adult shop nearby so his access was even more limited. What he had access to was limited to printed material and to an occasional stag film. Then along came VCRs…but the cost of the tapes was prohibitive and that keep his collection limited.
In the days of print only…his tastes always ran toward “harder edged” porn. He never had an interest in Playboy…..it was…in his words…. boring.
He was more into Penthouse, Oui, Variations and Hustler. He wasn’t looking for pictures…he was looking for stories that made good wank fodder. Once in a while he would get his hands on a bondage magazine but 99% of that was maledom and maledom doesn’t float his boat…but it beat not having anything to read about BDSM. Beggars can’t be chooser, ya know.
He “imprinted” on things that were never going to happen but that didn’t stop him from pushing to get me to make them happen.
The internet porn amped up what he was imprinting on because it offered access to exactly what he was looking for:
Visual FemDom porn and stories.
When he first started surfing the net for porn……he would fixate on one thing and start dropping hints then out right pushing me to perform whatever activity it was he’d imprinted on at the time. I could always go check the history and find porn that was what he as pushing for. If it wasn’t in the history it wasn’t the kink du jour.
He admits now days that yes…..the porn did influence him and it did have a negative influence. The porn was never the problem….the problem was him not being responsible about how he used it.
The “guns don’t kill people–people kill people” line of thought is what always comes to mind for me when the topic of porn being bad or evil comes up.
No I don’t think porn is evil…and I don’t think my husband is evil.
Porn can only have a negative impact on someone if they let it……and lord knows now days we are woefully wont as a society to pass the buck and the blame and not so much so good at holding ourselves accountable or about our own responsibility for damage done when what we do has a negative impact on others.
Before my husband suggested we add the D/s twist to our marriage he was head long into imprinting on hard-core, hard-edged FemDom porn. He had gotten himself to the point he couldn’t get aroused unless his fantasies where that extreme and he couldn’t get aroused with me unless I was performing what he asked exactly the way he’d imprinted on it, right down to using the words in the scripts from the porn he was obsessing over.
Imprinting on this type of media had him thinking he was missing out on something….that what he was looking at should translate to the real world without any work and it should translate into his life without much effort from me. He really believed if I would just watch the porn, read the stories and the books about being a FemDom………I would get it…and get it right for him.
I will never get over how a man who
______outside the haze of horny hormones______
is such a smart, considerate, loving adoring partner could become this rat bastard that took over when he started swimming in the porn pond.
The porn was never the problem…the problem was the way he let the porn affect and influence him and that had to come to a stop and he had to dial back his fantasy world before I stood a chance in hell of ever being part of this world with him.
How did we do that?
Stay tuned…..
Same bat channel…..
Same bat time…….
(You can put the pitchforks, matches and kerosene down now, right?)
The Suburban Domme 
I’m really intrigued by your writing. You’re expressing opinions and ideas that I haven’t really heard discussed in sex or kink-related circles and not to titillate, but just to figure things out, to be heard. Best of luck to you.
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Thanks,
I was always the weird fringe kid who sat on the far side of the playground observing and noting why I didn’t fit into “this crowd or that one”.
It wasn’t about judging but more about seeing things they didn’t seem to see.
I never could figure out if they just didn’t see what I saw or if they chose not to…..and well……..same goes here, again ……..me sitting on the sides lines of lifestyle that I wouldn’t be part of much less observing if it wasn’t for the love for the man I do this with.
Don’t mean to be condemnatory …just can’t handle what I observe sometimes when men take advantage of the love their woman has for them…..to get something the woman may not be comfortable with.
I don’t think any observations I make are unique…….. maybe I’m just the only one brazen and doltish enough to say them out loud?
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I was the weird fringe kid too. Isn’t it funny how being different makes you meta?
Not sure if you’re the only brazen one, but you definitely come at it from a different angle. Most of the kink blogs I find are laundry lists of people’s sexual activities. That’s fine, but it’s not why I want to read a blog. You seem to be interested in looking not just at the triumphs but the struggles in your relationship. That’s golden.
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Fringe kids unite! 🙂
What can I write about the lifestyle I live (or anyone for that matter) that would be any different than what others have done?
That wouldn’t make me “fringeie” and I would lose my membership to the
“Don’t be the fabric of society — be the fringe” club……
And I would have to take the “Fringeie and Proud” bumper snicker off ALL of my vehicles ….
And that would leave a nasty mess that needed to be cleaned off the bumpers….
So I would have to go dig out my pleather cat suit and my nine inch metal stiletto uberbitch-from-hell pleasure boots and find my whip and domme my wanna be sub husband into getting it cleaned up
And…damn I wore myself just typing that…it’s easier to stay fringeie.
Snark-kidding aside:
It’s the honest telling of the struggles that makes me believe the “triumphs” are more than just make-believe.
Quoted from reply: “That’s fine, but it’s not why I want to read a blog.”
Words right out of my own keyboard.
I’m glad it is there for those who want it……but I am also glad the space is here for those of us who want something else and that we can find each other.
(And somewhere in the back ground the suburban submissive just muttered
“I KNEW they had radar for finding each other!)
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You do offer an interesting perspective on things. I am also in my 50’s. I have inherited the weirdo genes. Maybe I started early, but I have been able to find the occasional person and reading material to stoke the fires of Bacchanalia, even back in the 70’s. It is easier now, MUCH easier. My magazine of choice was Club magazine from 1974 through 1978. Just four years, but the kinkiest most twisted four years in print. The pictorials were tame, they had a column by Dr Karl Steiner {he would describe various practices and tell you how they would endanger your health/life}, and an advice column by Lady Althea Drummond, also a unique individual. There were swinger’s magazines, and there was a large network of kinky people that would keep in touch primarily through the mail and PO Boxes. Signals would be used to identify for first meetings. Body language was key. And if things didn’t look quite right, you pretend to not notice and leave. And for some reason I seemed to attract the really extreme fetishists. I did enjoy the conversations. One person I met around 1980 used to write movie reviews for one of the BD/SM magazines. At that time movies that showed discipline or corporal punishment could not show explicit sexual contact. The magazine was a niche magazine, I don’t recall the title. I wasn’t into doing that scene, but it was interesting conversationally.
Perhaps one of the reasons I was often quickly identified as an oddball was that I enjoyed crowd watching. You sit or stand at the fringes and keep your eyes open for drama. Farce was the most common. It was particularly fun in taverns. You can read body language across a room if you can see. You don’t need to hear to know what’s going on. I was also in a college town, and some of the profs were quite kinky and well connected to kinksters at other universities.
Wild
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