Inevitable

I knew she would do this. I knew I would end up being a more integral part of this blog than a guest blogger.  I asked her if this was what she had in mind all along, she just smiled and walked away. She has an unfair advantage; I can’t read her the way she can read me. Planned or not she managed to wrangler me again without whips and chains. She used the power she has had over me for all the years we have been a couple. There are times, like right now I see how important it is that she has the sense to use this power for the benefit of us as a couple and not just to serve her own purposes. That’s’ not what I wanted when I asked her to be my Domme and hindsight tells me I may have dodged a bullet by getting what I asked for but not getting it my way.

Be careful what you wish for. That dreaded comment that we hear from family and friends when they hear us wish we could have something but their own judgment isn’t clouded by being charmed with whatever it is we are wishing for. They can see the hazards in what we are wishing for, the things we choose to ignore because they get in the way of the excitement and longing for whatever it is we are wishing for.

When it comes to my kink wishes I can be pretty thick about seeing the realisms of what it is I am wishing for. I used to get so angry at her when she would point out where my wishes could and probably would go wrong. She was such a spoil sport. She worried about things like my safety. She fussed over stupid things like emotional wellbeing. She fretted about causing serious harm to my body with the BDSM toys and tools I bought and “gifted her with”.  She had the nerve to tell me I didn’t really understand what I was asking for, didn’t grasp that how it looked in a video, how it seemed in a story, what it felt like in my fantasies was going to be a lot different brought to life. The pain once it was real might not be as arousing as I thought it was going to be, that having her use a sound on me might not be as groovy as I had dreamed and being pegged with a dildo the girth of my own fist was going to hurt.

She wanted to take things slow; she wanted to learn about something before she tried it or used it. She needed make sure she knew how to use the toys and tools I had rushed out to buy and wanted to make sure all the gadgets and gizmos I bought were safe to use. She wanted safe words and time limits, she wanted to talk about things and make sure I was aware, informed and consenting.  She wanted a lot stupid guidelines and education when all I wanted her to do was just do it, Domme me.

I am so glad one of us had some blood in our brain.